45+ Best Funny Christmas Jokes for Kids! 🎅 [Special

Please also provide an English translation so I can also understand.
I want to send them to friends in Romania who all have kids. I want to hear the groaning and feel the eyerolls here in the UK.

And my 10 year old son, completely deadpan, tells me
‘Dad, I knew that story wasn’t real because you don’t have any friends’
👻👻💀💀☠️☠️ It took me a solid 5 minutes to stop laughing.
I have achieved Dad level 10 at raising my kids

https://www.reddit.com/LifeProTips/comments/kjh4ju/lpt_dont_give_joke_bad_gifts_to_your_kids_o

Hi folks! I can't believe this place is over a million members now - back when I was active we had less than 10% of this! So I'd like to introduce myself to many new folks - I am Billy Markus, the original creator of Dogecoin. As you may have heard, it was indeed created for sillies after Jackson Palmer made an flippant tweet about it that idea being the 'next big thing' and I threw it together, without any expectation or plan. It took about 3 hours to make, with the bulk of that time making alterations to the client to make the text Comic Sans and some custom graphics and wording for different pieces of the UI.
As I mentioned on my twitter, I'm no longer part of the Dogecoin project, I left around 2015 as the community started to strongly shift from one that I was comfortable with. I don't currently own any Dogecoin except what has been tipped to me recently, I gave away and/or sold all the crypto I had back in 2015 after being laid off and scared about my dwindling savings at the time, for about enough in total to buy a used Honda Civic. I'm not struggling - I work full time as a Software Engineer - but I'm mentioning this to set the record straight, as there are many incorrect assumptions around about my involvement and stake in the project.
So if I'm not involved in Dogecoin, why did I want to post? I wanted to give a little perspective and history for some of the founding principles of Dogecoin, for anyone who was willing to listen.
Dogecoin message
With the recent Dogecoin mania going on, my inbox was being flooded by people demanding me to do things for them so they would become richer. This was a bit jarring for the reasons I mentioned above - and while I am sympathetic to those struggling and understand how emotional and important money can be, especially right now with this pandemic, I couldn't help feeling pretty down about it. My mom is currently struggling to make her home payments and will likely lose her house, and if I hadn't "messed up" my crypto investments years ago, I would be able to comfortably help her.
But I did receive some encouraging words and a few small tips - and honestly, that did help take the sting off everything and elevate my mood. And more relevantly, it reminded me of one of the original messages of Dogecoin - one of unexpected generosity. I'll explain that message with a story.
"Save Dogemas"
The first few weeks after Dogecoin was released was incredibly fast moving, and I think I would succinctly describe it as "complete utter insanity." It went from a silly joke to something worth something to people very quickly, and a community was developing fast, with lots of shady people and lots of new people, quickly putting up services and infrastructure around it.
One of those things was an online wallet - instead of having to download the clunky and slow main client where you have to download the whole blockchain, someone had provided a service to hold people's Dogecoin for them. Online wallets in the history of cryptocurrency have a history of being sketchy, however, and sure enough, on Christmas, the wallet was hacked, and 21 million Dogecoins were stolen in the process.
This type of story was all too common in cryptocurrency world, but what happened next was not. Some members of the community got together and started a Dogecoin fund to "Save Dogemas" - to try to return money to those who had lost it, and the community - to my great surprise - was willing to help. The Dogecoin community donated millions of coins to help those who had been victims of the bad actor - and that spirit didn't stop, the community would donate Dogecoins for both good causes, such as helping build water wells in Africa, helping connect service dogs and kids, and silly and amusing causes, such as helping send the Jamaican Bobsled team to the Olympics, or sponsoring a Nascar driver.
True Value
People are talking about Dogecoin going to $1 - that would make the "market cap" larger than actual companies that provide services to millions, such as Boeing, Starbucks, American Express, IBM. Does Dogecoin deserve that? That is not something I can comprehend, let alone answer.
Again, I have no real say in this, and everyone has the right to value the coin in any way they wish - it is just my wish, as the original creator, that Dogecoin and the Dogecoin community can be a force for good. And I don't mean that in some sanctimonious way where the only thing of value is giving to charity or directly helping others - anything that is amusing or fun has value as well. The fiat value of Dogecoin is quite literally whatever someone else is willing to pay for it at any point in time, and the intrinsic value is not something I will ever be able to define, so when I talk about value, I'm not talking about those things. I'm talking about "True Value", which I'd define as the positive things Dogecoin brings to the world.
Pump and dumping, rampant greed, scamming, bad faith actors, demanding from others, hype without research, taking advantage of others - those are all worthless. Worse than worthless, honestly, bringing more negativity to an already difficult world. As the creator, some have called me the "doge mother" so I say this with that mask - when I see things like that - and I've seen plenty of it through the last 7 years - I'm not mad, just disappointed.
Joy, kindness, learning, giving, empathy, fun, community, inspiration, creativity, generosity, silliness, absurdity. These types of things are what makes Dogecoin worthwhile to me. If the community embodies these things, that's True Value.
If you read this far, I appreciate it. Keep educating yourself as much as you can on how cryptocurrency works, how these markets work, never risk more than you could safely lose, be vigilant and aware. I wish you all the best.

So this is a bit of an inside joke with my family, with this one. For some contexts I have a dog named Anya, well one day when I was calling her inside, when she was still a young puppy, I said onion by mistake, and she came running. So it's kind of been a running joke in my family that we call her Onion instead of Anya (she responds to both).
This happened during Christmas, I was in Petco with my dogs picking out toys for their Christmas and getting some kitty litter. A kid maybe about 14 came up and he was picking out a toy for his dog. He saw mine and asked if he could pet them. I didn't mind and let him pet my dogs. He asks their names and I say,
Me: Oh the black one is Onion ( just let it slip out of habit) and the black and white one is Pippin
Kid: Onion? That's a weird name for a dog.
Me: Did I say Onion? Her name is Anya, when she a puppy I called her Onion by mistake it just became a running joke.
Kid: That's really funny! Then we hear the clearing of a throat, and Karen appears. She was nice, at first, and she asks about my dogs and we just chat for a minute, and then the kid tells her about how I call Anya, Onion.
Karen: Why would you name a dog after a vegetable? That is inapporite!
Me: Well her name is Anya, and I call Onion as a joke.
Karen: And what kind of name is Anya? Wouldn't Princess do better?
Me: No, Anya is Anya. I have to leave now. Have a good day.
Karen: No, you will name your dog Princess! It's a good dog name!!
Me: Well, if you really want to do this. Her real name is Anastasia, which means "brought back to life''. She was found in such a state you would have thought she was dead. I thought the name to be more than appropriate, so if you excuse me. I turned back and Karen continued to whine how Princess was such a good name for my dog and how she deserves her more than I do because I named her a horrible Russian name. I paid for my things and left, dogs were not harmed in the making of this post.
Edit: I just wanted to say I did Anya because I was obsessed with Anya from Buffy

My mom and dad were not wealthy people. Actually, growing up the family was lower middle class. In 2008 my parents received noticed that the US government was claiming their house and land in eminent domain. My parents received a sizable check, that they didn’t want to take but had to. Cant fight the feds when you’re paycheck to paycheck.
I 52(m) and my wife offered my parents the basement of our home that we could furnish as a separate home. They were older and, wanted to be closer to grandkids, and my dad was closer to a few fishing spots so they agreed and it worked out well for all of us. I didn’t charge anything because they’re my parents and they did more than we could had asked. My mom cooked for the family which helped my wife and I immensely while my dad took care of the yard which he liked to do.
Years ago, my mom and dad went to visit my sister for the holidays to see her and her kids, but my family couldn’t go due to work. I didn’t hear much of anything which wasn’t odd until Christmas Eve/day. I reached out but was told we would talk later.. even weirder until my parents returned home much earlier than expected and they were upset.
My dad explained to me that my sister had been having an affair and her husband was leaving her. Apparently the youngest girl isn’t his either. Terrible situation all around, and everyone blamed my sister, as do I. I felt bad for the little girl though. She was innocent in the whole thing.
Unfortunately, both of my parents passed away a few years ago in a close timespan and never really made amends with my sister. My parents were from a different time period and my sister is stubborn.. I don’t know really I guess. My mom passed last and made it clear that she didn’t want my sister to get anything, and said to follow the will. It was hard hearing that to be honest.
My parents left majority of their finances to my family. While also leaving a college fund to my sisters oldest daughter. My sister wasn’t able save anything for her youngest daughter and had asked me to help her out. My daughters won’t be able to stop with just a bachelors degree and will require more, and I wish to help with that so I declined.
Things got ugly, and I apologized again and brought up the fact that this was all her fault for having an affair on her husband. Had she not done that this wouldn’t be a problem. She countered with had she not done it her daughter wouldn’t be here thus I must hate her.
My youngest niece recently reached out via Facebook and asked for help and that it wasn’t fair she was being excluded for just being born, and she didn’t do anything to anyone. I apologized to her and told her I agreed with her however I had my own children to think of.
AITA here?
Edit* I was told add this in: I offered to pay for two years of community college however both my sister and my niece feel that was a joke. I have since rescinded their offer.
Final edit*
Thanks everyone for their time and thoughts. I’ll carry on as planned and probably just cut my sister out of my life altogether. I rescinded the “bastard” child two years of CC offer, and it won’t be back on the table. Some of your recommended I help her with some scholarship and I think that’s a good idea.
I’ll research scholarships opportunities and send her some military brochures/information along with with it. I think all of that together should be a kind gesture. Thanks to everyone who suggested that.
Have a good one every body.

This is hard to put on the character limit but I'll try my best. So my (19F) mom (44F) has being dating this guy (50M) for a couple years. I have a 16y/o brother and this man has a 12F and 17M kids.
When they started to date a couple years ago, and at first it was a secret. At that same time, I was going through some bad times mentally and had to be in the hospital for a while. My mom had to invest a lot of time in me when I got out. My mom had to put a stop to her relationship because of this.
A month after this, he came to my house with his kids to spend some vacations. It was his daughter's 10 year birthday and they wanted to have a party in an amusement park, and I declined to go. I didn't want to go to a crowded place like, and he took that personally. I didn't knew this kids and I really appreciated the invitation but I was feeling unwell; he ended up saying I was disrespecting him and his kids, and that I was selfish and just wanted my mom for myself.
Time passed and we met all for vacations. He always comments on my weight or my relationship (romantical and friendships). For example, he laughs and makes disrespectful jokes about my best friend who is a trans guy or my boyfriend, who is an immigrant.
The thing started to worsen like crazy last summer, when we went for vacation all together and his kids acted like entitled brats, making us always do what they wanted, and him agreeing on. His son started to act horrible towards us because he was mad about not seeing his friends or something, and he even disrespected my mom. When my mom confronted him about his kids attitude, he told her that my brother and I were awful too, but she replied that we weren't, and we were acting correctly.
Since then, he has been pushing me a lot. He acts like he's "teaching me lessons" about things like "don't be so dumb someone cheats on you (my ex did)" or "don't pick a dumb college career (I'm on my second year in anthropology)". He did this every fucking meal and I stopped eating with my family when I'm there. But in Christmas day, I was there and received a message on my phone. When I took it to check it he said "oh! It's the racial slur?". I called him an asshole and left. I didn't wanted to see him for the rest of the vacations.
He hasn't come yet to my house after this, and my mom has been treating me bad. When I asked her why, she told me that he doesn't want to come because I "mistreated him". She's mad at me for "ruining" her relationship. AITA?
Edit: I want to add that in order to keep a good relationship with my mom I have to put up with his shit. And I have a huge internal conflict about this, because I love my mom to death but this man brings the worst out of me. So I don't know if I should just shut up when he's around and make my mom happy
Edit 2: I went to sleep me when I woke up my inbox was flooded lmao. I'll try to answer everyone when I have a relaxed moment so I can speak a good English hehe. Thanks everyone for the kind words, it really means a lot :")

Hi folks! I can't believe this place is over a million members now - back when I was active we had less than 10% of this! So I'd like to introduce myself to many new folks - I am Billy Markus, the original creator of Dogecoin. As you may have heard, it was indeed created for sillies after Jackson Palmer made an flippant tweet about it that idea being the 'next big thing' and I threw it together, without any expectation or plan. It took about 3 hours to make, with the bulk of that time making alterations to the client to make the text Comic Sans and some custom graphics and wording for different pieces of the UI.
As I mentioned on my twitter, I'm no longer part of the Dogecoin project, I left around 2015 as the community started to strongly shift from one that I was comfortable with. I don't currently own any Dogecoin except what has been tipped to me recently, I gave away and/or sold all the crypto I had back in 2015 after being laid off and scared about my dwindling savings at the time, for about enough in total to buy a used Honda Civic. I'm not struggling - I work full time as a Software Engineer - but I'm mentioning this to set the record straight, as there are many incorrect assumptions around about my involvement and stake in the project.
So if I'm not involved in Dogecoin, why did I want to post? I wanted to give a little perspective and history for some of the founding principles of Dogecoin, for anyone who was willing to listen.
Dogecoin message
With the recent Dogecoin mania going on, my inbox was being flooded by people demanding me to do things for them so they would become richer. This was a bit jarring for the reasons I mentioned above - and while I am sympathetic to those struggling and understand how emotional and important money can be, especially right now with this pandemic, I couldn't help feeling pretty down about it. My mom is currently struggling to make her home payments and will likely lose her house, and if I hadn't "messed up" my crypto investments years ago, I would be able to comfortably help her.
But I did receive some encouraging words and a few small tips - and honestly, that did help take the sting off everything and elevate my mood. And more relevantly, it reminded me of one of the original messages of Dogecoin - one of unexpected generosity. I'll explain that message with a story.
"Save Dogemas"
The first few weeks after Dogecoin was released was incredibly fast moving, and I think I would succinctly describe it as "complete utter insanity." It went from a silly joke to something worth something to people very quickly, and a community was developing fast, with lots of shady people and lots of new people, quickly putting up services and infrastructure around it.
One of those things was an online wallet - instead of having to download the clunky and slow main client where you have to download the whole blockchain, someone had provided a service to hold people's Dogecoin for them. Online wallets in the history of cryptocurrency have a history of being sketchy, however, and sure enough, on Christmas, the wallet was hacked, and 21 million Dogecoins were stolen in the process.
This type of story was all too common in cryptocurrency world, but what happened next was not. Some members of the community got together and started a Dogecoin fund to "Save Dogemas" - to try to return money to those who had lost it, and the community - to my great surprise - was willing to help. The Dogecoin community donated millions of coins to help those who had been victims of the bad actor - and that spirit didn't stop, the community would donate Dogecoins for both good causes, such as helping build water wells in Africa, helping connect service dogs and kids, and silly and amusing causes, such as helping send the Jamaican Bobsled team to the Olympics, or sponsoring a Nascar driver.
True Value
People are talking about Dogecoin going to $1 - that would make the "market cap" larger than actual companies that provide services to millions, such as Boeing, Starbucks, American Express, IBM. Does Dogecoin deserve that? That is not something I can comprehend, let alone answer.
Again, I have no real say in this, and everyone has the right to value the coin in any way they wish - it is just my wish, as the original creator, that Dogecoin and the Dogecoin community can be a force for good. And I don't mean that in some sanctimonious way where the only thing of value is giving to charity or directly helping others - anything that is amusing or fun has value as well. The fiat value of Dogecoin is quite literally whatever someone else is willing to pay for it at any point in time, and the intrinsic value is not something I will ever be able to define, so when I talk about value, I'm not talking about those things. I'm talking about "True Value", which I'd define as the positive things Dogecoin brings to the world.
Pump and dumping, rampant greed, scamming, bad faith actors, demanding from others, hype without research, taking advantage of others - those are all worthless. Worse than worthless, honestly, bringing more negativity to an already difficult world. As the creator, some have called me the "doge mother" so I say this with that mask - when I see things like that - and I've seen plenty of it through the last 7 years - I'm not mad, just disappointed.
Joy, kindness, learning, giving, empathy, fun, community, inspiration, creativity, generosity, silliness, absurdity. These types of things are what makes Dogecoin worthwhile to me. If the community embodies these things, that's True Value.
If you read this far, I appreciate it. Keep educating yourself as much as you can on how cryptocurrency works, how these markets work, never risk more than you could safely lose, be vigilant and aware. I wish you all the best.

I'm a freshman in college and before college I was homeschooled basically my whole life. Because of that I have pretty bad social anxiety.
Regardless of that, I was really excited to go to college and finally have freedom (Apart from the COVID safety measures.) My parents really didn't want me to go and threw a huge fit about it since they think I only want to go to sleep around and drink. Every time I spoke to them while I was away they would try to get me to come back home so I stopped answering their calls as often which really pissed my mom off. I went from talking to my parents multiple times a day to around once a week though I would still speak with my siblings.
They were literally obsessed with the idea of me leaving their home and becoming a "whore" which was odd since they'd never been like that before. They have this idea that I'm a "good girl gone wild". They used to let me have co-ed sleepovers and hang out with guys whenever I wanted.
Anyways, I was talking to my sister (15) and she told me about this bet that my family had made. I guess in retaliation for me not answering their calls, they were betting if I'd become a slut in college. They were speculating on when I'd lose my virginity, how many guys I'd sleep with, if I'd sleep with a girl, etc. She sent me a few screenshots and it seemed almost like a big passive aggressive joke.
It wasn't just my parents in it; It had my siblings, cousins and aunts. While they were seemingly kidding, I felt extremely embarrassed.
I didn't know how to bring it up because I didn't want my sister to get in trouble for showing me so it went on for a while.
I finally texted my mom about it and asked her if she would please delete the chat or atleast add me to it so it wasn't just my family talking and clowning me behind my back. I didn't mention that it was my sister who had shown me it. My mother insisted that they weren't talking about me and that I was being a primadonna even though I literally have evidence.
Since it was obvious that they weren't going to delete it, I told my mom that I wasn't going to come home for Christmas and I wasn't going to come visit her after her surgery (She's having surgery soon and asked me to come). Partially out of anger and because of embarrassment.
Christmas is my mom's favorite holiday and she always goes all out for it. She wanted me to be her caretaker after the surgery since after Christmas "her money will be tight" and she didn't want to pay for one. She says that I'm abandoning her and I think that she stabbed me in the back.
TL;DR: Family made a bet about how much of a slut I'd become in college so now I'm not going home for Christmas and I'm not taking care of my mother.
AITA?

What does an armless and legless kid get for Christmas?
Cancer.

What did the black kid get for Christmas?
Your bike.

Why did the kids not receive presents for Christmas?
Because Rudolph intentionally grounded the team...

Warning: Long post. This is essentially a diary entry to get this off my chest for the new year.
TL;DR: my depression spiralled out of control after my son turned 2, I lost hair, lost weight, lost my mind and after multiple attempts to find solutions I divorced my husband and gave my son up for kinship adoption to my sister-in-law. I later moved across the country and am starting to rekindle my relationship with my ex.
Adam* and I were married for eight years and together for twelve, we spent half of that time together trying for a baby. I had 9 miscarriages. It was horrible and traumatizing but I wanted a baby, I wanted to experience pregnancy and labour and I didn't give one shit about adopting a child - I wanted this.
We stopped trying, until the spring of 2013 when we went on an anniversary trip. I didn't know it, but I came home pregnant. By July, I found out that I was three months, nearly four, and I was over the moon. This was it, this was our time and all the stars were aligning.
I spent the next six months puking my brains out, flinching whenever someone touched me, and absolutely repulsed by any intimacy from my then-husband. But I was still happy, still excited, and still enjoying every moment of having that life inside me, reverently documenting every moment of the journey. My mom made the joke that we would have the best baby ever since the idea is a bad pregnancy produces an angelic baby and a great pregnancy produces a demon. I laughed at it and never thought of it again until I had Lucas* in my arms six months later.
A year later, I was suicidal and rapidly losing weight. Lucas was a monster; he screamed constantly but he didn't like to be held, he hated playing peekaboo games, and he wasn't reaching his milestones. My mother berated me constantly and blamed his behaviour on my inability to breastfeed, my in-laws speculated that I had been drinking or smoking during pregnancy right to my face. During this year Adam and I took our separate bedrooms to the next level, he moved into the basement. His sister Sam* was the only person that I felt I could talk to but even then I worried she would report back to her brother all of my horrible thought.
We fought about who should stay home because I wanted to go back to work but living where we did, we either needed a nanny or one of us to be home when the other wasn't able to. I spent my days crying and eventually got back to smoking pot in the hopes it would mellow me out. Sam offered to help if we moved to her province but my husband didn't want to move his practice and I was happy where we were. At the urging of my ex and my doctors, I joined parental groups and drove the hour to the nearby city to talk to other parents of autistic kids.
All these people did was talk about how rewarding it was to raise their kids, how much easier it was than they ever expected, and how they didn't understand the stigma. One mother raved about the amazing moment her seventeen-year-old spoke for the first time. He said, "yes, please."
I was horrified, I felt like a fucking monster. Lucas was approaching two now, he was nearly a toddler and he acted more like a six-month-old. And that was being generous. But a woman from my group, Sandra* and I seemed to get on well when she too joined around this time and she expressed her sorrow for feeling like a failure. We exchanged numbers and got together often, sharing horror stories of finding the kids covered in god-knows-what, hitting us whenever they were touched, and the constant care they required that other kids didn't.
Adam was happy, we were having sex again, I had friends, I'd stopped losing hair, and everything was good. Sam visited and for a brief moment I felt normal, with a normal family. I felt like maybe I could do this after all, that I had just overreacted. And then Lucas's second birthday came around.
Sandra brought her son over and her husband, the guys watched the kids while she and I polished off three bottles of wine.
"Oh, I wouldn't trade Travis* for anything," she gushed. "It's hard, but I love him. It gets easier, I would totally do it all over again."
I laughed and winked over my glass. "You're better than me because I'd say fuck that and go about my business."
"What do you mean?"
"I'd get an abortion. I wouldn't want to do this again."
She was quiet, obviously. And I'd clearly stuck my foot in my mouth. She and her family left a few hours later after cake and bbq, and she wouldn't return any of my texts or calls for several weeks. Eventually, she texted me back to say that she thought I was someone else and would prefer I don't contact her again. I cried for days, I was completely gutted and at my lowest point I screamed "this is your fault!" at Lucas when he was having one of his meltdowns.
Adam came running and took Lucas to his room. When he came back, he told me I needed therapy and that we couldn't keep having these problems. I spent the next six months at my parent's place on the east coast. I was glad to be away and, as the phrase goes, absence makes the heart grow fonder - Adam and I were on the mends and chatting with each other constantly. He didn't offer up information about Lucas unless I asked, which I only did when prompted by my parents. He told me he had a nanny while I was gone and it might be good to keep her there when I came back, I agreed and packed my bags to go home several months later.
Lucas was worse when I came back, he was bigger, he was louder, he would shove his hands into his diaper and smear his shit all over himself and then start screaming because he didn't like it. When he learned this behaviour upset me, he would do it to avoid having me feed him, while out in public, and any other time he felt like it. He became more violent as he got older, as toddlers often do, and I found myself less and less attached to him.
During this, Sam stopped calling and reached out to the nanny get updates on Lucas, I considered the loss of our friendship collateral for my mental health improving.
My ex and I were basically never home, we hired two other nannies to take shifts and went about our days happily pretending that he didn't exist until we inevitably had to go back. Our sex life thrived and we even got back into old habits, roleplaying strangers and meeting somewhere before going back to a hotel. We got lazy, we stopped caring about precautions and just after Lucas's third birthday, I found out I was pregnant with baby number two. Adam held me while I cried and drove me to the hospital for the abortion.
I guess that had been the honeymoon phase because when we came home, things plummeted. I blamed Lucas for feeling like I had to get an abortion, not wanting to subject another person to this life. I stopped asking the nannies about how he was, one of them made small talk with me one day and started talking about him, I changed the subject and later that week when she did it again I told her I didn't care. She stopped talking about him and happily told me about her and her boyfriend instead. I was thankful to not have to pretend.
This continued for several weeks until I eventually confronted Adam head on.
"I don't want to do this anymore," I told him while we were out. "With Lucas."
"I know."
"Okay?"
"I don't know what you need me to say, I can't fix this."
"I don't expect you to and I know you don't want to do this either."
Adam didn't say anything and we slowly began the process of separation. I moved out of the house, cut contact with my in-laws and even my own family. I was completely secluded. I don't know how the topic came up, but while talking about the divorce, Sam came to visit and take over my role and that of the nannies. I researched a lot during the divorce about custody, our obligations and what would happen since our prenup specified me retaining majority custody and the house but I wanted neither. My lawyer, upon hearing about Sam's attachment, suggested kinship adoption, I shrugged it off, signed my papers, and left the province, leaving Adam the house and the kid.
I came back eight months later when Adam called and told me he wanted to go through with the kinship adoption to his sister. Our rights were signed over and he gave her the house.
My life improved substantially since then; I completed my master's degree, got my tubes tied, and took my grandmother's maiden name to remove myself completely.
I’ve never been happier but I’ve been reminiscent of Adam since quarantine started. He must have been thinking of me too because he contacted me on Halloween. I invited him for Christmas, he flew in, quarantined, and has been staying with me since. Sometimes I feel guilty, but right now, watching him sleep and listening to the music playing from his phone, I’m reminded of how happy he makes me. We’re better off. I was a terrible mother, and I got out.
*Names have been changed
Edit: I copied and pasted this after writing it over several days, I didn’t realize that Reddit would jumble it so badly so there is missing info from me doing a last minute edit after it was posted.
My older brother is autistic but lives on his own, has a career, and an education. I naively thought this experience had me prepared for anything, especially because Adam was older than me and this is a known potential issue with older fathers.
My doctors chalked my miscarriages up to stress from my depression and being off my medication while trying to get pregnant. I have bipolar II and had gone off all medications in the hopes of giving my baby the best chance.
Lucas did have therapy and all sorts of treatment, I constantly brought him to the city and eventually we switched to having a specialist do in-house visits because he was getting bigger and harder to cart around.
I don’t absolve myself, I feel a lot of regret and pain but for his well-being and mine it’s best not to have contact. Sam is his mother, like me she really wanted kids but was never able to, because she’s not married or in any relationship she was having a hard time trying to adopt. She latched onto Lucas from the beginning and I often joked that she was his second mum. He could not be in better hands.
Yes, Adam and I have money. I have inheritance and he is a psychiatrist with his own practice.
We both send Sam money and the house is paid for but neither of us has contact with Lucas, Adam hasn’t since we signed the paperwork on the adoption and I haven’t since the divorce was finalized.
My abortion wasn’t because I thought I would have another autistic kid, I didn’t want to have a neurotypical child and bring that up in that environment watching me hate myself and eventually Lucas. I had these horrible thoughts that I would love one more than the other and neither of them deserved that.
Yes, this post focuses on me, not because I’m self-centred but because my confession is about me leaving my family behind. It’s not about Lucas, that’s not my story to write.
Adam is thinking of moving his practice or trying to get work at a local hospital, right now he plans to stay for a few more weeks.
Edit 2: I cannot express all of my gratitude for those that understand and the well wishes. I understand the angry comments, I do, but all I want people to understand is that it’s not important for Lucas and I to be reunited just because I’m his biological mother. His mother is Sam, and on some level I think she always has been.
Lucas deserves Sam, and I will forever be indebted to her for giving him the stable life that I and Adam couldn’t.
For his benefit, I will not re-enter his life. It’s not fair to him for me to pop in and out at my convenience. I appreciate the photos Sam sends me, but unless Lucas progresses to a point where he can specifically ask for me, I don’t want to push into his life.

I was on a family vacation driving around the mountains and while in the van my little sister had her kid. The family is in celebration and apparently there was still a discussion on what the childs name would be. (Father not in the picture, long story). While they were discussing potentially unique names I kept overhearing they wanted it to begin with the letter Z (for whatever reason). by PURE COINCIDENCE I was in the van playing Pokemon Sword on my Nintendo switch in the back and I had JUST caught Zacian with a quick ball. (Truthfully this was my 2nd attempt at him and i just opened with it). I jokingly suggested, "Hey Zacian is a kool name. It means sword in Japanese." My mother and family loved it so its now official.
On the real, my older sis and GF are the only ones that know the truth, so now we are getting some pokemon related gifts for the baby for christmas to reveal the truth and make it a funny joke.
Edit: I will post a photo later if requested of the baby with their name.
Edit 2:, I should clarify. The baby was NOT had in the van. Most of my family was in a van together in a different state where we got the phone call/video chat about it.
Edit 3: Holy shit. Thank you all so much, especially for rhe awards. Ive never gotten any before. I've been mostly a lurker redditor for years. I never thought this incident would get so much attention. >3
Edit 4: I'm updating now that the holidays are done. I made a 2 part tiktok video that covers the reveal to my mom bout the baby name and including photos at the end of baby zacian with his name and a special Christmas gift.
https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMJWyR6qt/
https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMJWyRQS6/
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TL;DR I proposed the name Zacian from Pokemon Sword for my nephew since they wanted a unique name with a Z and the family took it seriously. My nephew is officially named after a legendary pokemon. 

My wife and I have a daughter (16), who plays the violin incredibly. She started lessons young and has dreams of Juilliard in the near future. Before she started high school, she sat my wife and I down, showing us print outs for a boarding school approximately 3 hours away from us. It specializes in the arts (not just music, but theater and writing). At first, we thought she was joking, but she went onto explain that a lot of the music major graduates go onto performing arts universities. She explained the classes would be one in a million. We really didn’t take it seriously but eventually agreed to look into it. The more we did and after a tour, we agreed…it was perfect for her. We were worried about affording it, as we’re lower middle class. We have saved some for her college, but this boarding school costs per year what a university would. However, they ended up offering her an amazing financial aid package. It didn’t cover all of it, but my mother-in-law offered to cover the rest so we could continue saving for her college.
When my daughter started going there, we made it clear that she was going to be around kids that have more than her. There are other scholarship students, but most of them come from wealthy families. We explained we wanted her to be kind to everyone and make friends, but to have realistic expectations. We were never going to be able to vacation in Europe for the summer or buy her designer stuff. And she said she was fine with that. That we raised her better.
She does well with it for the most part, but I can tell there are times where it’s hard that she can’t have the same things as her friends. We save to give her nicer things at Christmas and her birthday to make it easier.
Recently, we began talking about plans for her junior year. She’s been living in the same house (the dorms are in historic houses), with two roommates since she was a freshman. They have another house that is more expensive where there is no dorm parents, more freedom and also, more single rooms. My daughter said most of her friends are requesting to live there. When we ran it by MIL, she said she couldn’t afford it. My daughter asked us to cover the difference. While we could afford it, it’d impact what we could put away for her college. She said she’d rather take out more loans if it meant her own room, in the same building as her friends.
It lead to an argument and I ended up telling her that she needed to remember where she came from and be more humble. I reminded her of the immense privilege she has by even attending this school and that it can be taken away if she wants to act like a spoiled brat. She began to cry and hung up the phone. I guess she called some other family members and found another willing to cover the difference, but I said no. She doesn’t need to bother more relatives, she’s fine where she is now.
My wife thinks we should let her take the money and that I’m being unfair. AITA?
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Clarifying: My daughter can't get a job. They used to be able to work, but with everything going on in the world, students who live there can't leave campus outside breaks. Even commuters have tight restrictions and had to sign a contract on what they would/wouldn't do.