Section Zero: Background (inspired by u/throwaway_md765951 last week!)
I’ve been somewhat active in this sub, but made this throwaway so I could talk with more details and a greater sense of privacy. The thread about what we like to see from diarists mentioned wanting a greater range of careers, so I finally signed up to post, but am a little bit nervous. I’m a speech-language pathologist in a large, urban district. I work with three schools, with students aged 3-18. Most of my students have developmental delays, Autism, or a learning disability. I work with students on developing communication skills, producing speech sounds, language skills like comprehension and storytelling, and some students who stutter. I evaluate and treat communication disorders that prevent students from participating in school. Usually, I’m moving around the school building and district throughout the week, but my district is fully remote until January, when we will allegedly switch to a hybrid model.
I wrote this last week (Nov 30-December 6) which was the week I did all my Christmas shopping! So obviously not a normal spending week, but I’ve liked reading about what others buy for gifts and how they allocate their holiday spending.
I live with my boyfriend, who I’ve named Avery, after Jackson Avery on Grey’s Anatomy lol. He’s the only person I saw this week.
Also overall TW: I talk a lot about poor mental health and being under significant stress.
What do money and success mean to you? What are your end goals?
Money is a tool to get what I want. I like having it in the bank, but I love using it for immediate gratification (see next question).
“Success” to me means having my student loans are paid off, I have a nice home to live in, a job I like, my bills are paid, I can travel 1-2 times a year on a nice vacation, I’m able to spoil myself and my loved ones with things they want, and not worrying about retirement. I don’t necessarily want to be independently wealthy or create generational wealth, but I want my future kids, if I decide to have them, to have the same quality of childhood I had or better.
End goals: I want to buy a house one day, and I want to be able to renovate it into exactly what I want. When I get married, I want to invite all my loved ones for an awesome party and be able to afford it with my partner. I want to be able to retire and feel “set” financially so I can have my house, read books, bake, and see friends and family without worry. I go back and forth on if I would like to have a beach house or cottage somewhere, or just be able to rent one for months at a time.
Are you a spender or a saver?
I’m a spender, actively trying to change my habits. I value quality time and because I live across the country from most of my family and friends I almost always say yes to any opportunities to visit. I love experiences, travel, and good food. I loved going for a happy hour with friends, trying new restaurants, exploring the city, and buying makeup to go out. When the pandemic first hit, I got a bit click happy with online shopping: more comfy clothes, decor and furniture when my boyfriend and I moved in together in July, and trying out new hobbies, like camping, coloring, and macrame.
I hated seeing my savings account balance decrease in grad school (I had panic attacks a couple times) and again this summer when I wasn’t working. I have goals, and it starts with no longer having student debt on my back. I’m going to attempt a no-spend January and at least one other month in 2021, and send extra money to my debt and to my savings account.
If you could go back in time, what's the one piece of financial advice you would give to your past self?
Apply to more grad schools with lower tuition costs OR defer acceptance for one year. I wish I had applied to more schools for SLP so I would have gotten into more than one (it’s a very competitive field). While I’m lucky it was my dream program with excellent faculty and I had a good experience, I hate hate hate how expensive it was for the low entry salary in my field. If I had taken a year between undergrad and grad school I could’ve worked full time and saved more money, possibly taking out fewer loans.
What areas of your budget do you want to work on?
I’d love to reduce my rent/utilities. When my boyfriend and I decided to move in together this summer, we agreed to get a 3 bedroom place so we could each have an office space, he’s WFH until further notice and I knew I’d be distance learning for some of the school year I don’t know what we’d do without our own offices, but it’s such a huge place for just the two of us and once I’m back working in person full time we won’t need such a large space. I’d put the savings towards retirement or eventually buying a house.
In completing this diary, I also realized I have so many subscriptions! I need to pare those down.
Section One: Assets and Debt
Retirement Balance
~$1,900 in a Roth IRA. My parents and grandmother gifted me $1k for college graduation to start an IRA, and another $500 at grad school graduation. I have not done anything with it yet, and definitely need to start contributing regularly.
I also have money put toward my pension. I don’t know how it works or my balance but I likely won’t stay with my district long enough to see any of that. It’s $300 taken out of each paycheck pre tax.
Equity if you're a homeowner
N/A (lol maybe in a decade)
Savings account balance
~$8,900, with my main bank, ~$3,700 in a HYSA as an emergency fund
Checking account balance
~$2,700, my student loan payments will be taken out over the next few days and my credit card bill.
Credit card debt
$0. I put all my day to day expenses on my credit card(s) to maximize rewards/cashback savings and pay it in full every month.
Student loan debt
Currently ~$119,000 for a M.S. in speech-language pathology, the entry level degree required to be an SLP. I originally borrowed $125,000 for grad school, when I entered repayment last October my balance was ~$129,00. I’ve paid down $10k to date, 6k of the principal.
Anything else that's applicable to you
I own my car outright, a 13 year old sedan purchased in April 2019 for $6,300. My dad gave me 90% of the money to buy it and flew out for one day of car shopping to help me choose it. I'm very grateful to him and my mom for this gift.
Section Two: Income
Income Progression:
This is my second year working for my school district (and in my field). My starting salary was $62,000. I receive a stipend for being a clinician and a second stipend for national certification (about $3k annually). I spent most of quarantine taking professional development courses to apply for a lane change so I can get a raise. I was halfway to the next “lane” when I was hired, and when my professional organization offered three months of online access to a continuing education library I completed 125 hours of training to apply for a lane change. The paperwork timeline for my district is insanely long, even before COVID closures, so though I submitted it in August, it is still being reviewed. My raise will (hopefully) be approved and take effect soon. Once it does it will be backdated for the entire school year (6 pay periods thus far).
2010 I started working as a babysitter and a lifeguard for $10/hour in the summers. In total I worked full time in summers as a lifeguard and swim instructor for 10 summers. My highest pay was Summer 2019 when I made $14 an hour as a manager of the pool at my grad school’s gym.
In 2014 I worked as a lifeguard for $10.25 and later $11.25 an hour for 8-10 hours a week at my college’s pool. The application process was surprisingly competitive.
Starting in 2015 I earned a stipend of $1,800 a year for an AmeriCorps preschool program for working 20 hours a week. Through AmeriCorps I received an education award (about $2,700) that I used towards my tuition in grad school.
Main Job Monthly Take Home
~$4,600 a month, I'm paid biweekly for 20 pay periods each year (Sept-June). My only deductions are taxes, my pension, and my union dues. Dues are ~$120 per month. It seems like a lot sometimes but I’m very grateful to be a part of a strong union as we navigate a potential return to school.
Side Gig Monthly Take Home
$0 currently. Pre-covid, I was babysitting at least twice a month, often more, for at least $200 a month. No one is really going anywhere so that hasn’t happened since March, and more recently in August. Currently, I’m looking to get a part time job to gain extra experience in my field and increase my income. I also want to work full time for summer 2021 in some capacity. I didn’t work at all summer 2020 for my district.
Any Other Monthly Income
My parents do not send me any money regularly, but I’m on their cell phone plan and health insurance (for one more month at least). While I was in grad school, my parents paid all of my copays for therapy and medical appointments, and would send me money for groceries occasionally.
Section Three: Expenses
Rent
$950 is my half of the rent for a 3 bed 1 bath apartment I share with my partner, including parking in the garage.
Renters / home insurance:
$12/month, paid yearly
Retirement contribution
NA
Savings contribution:
I set aside 30% of each paycheck for summer (or $1380 per month) in my bank account with an automatic transfer .
I put 10% ($400) towards my emergency fund.
Investment contribution: n/a
Debt payments:
Student Loans $1,500 for three loans (two private, one federal). Minimum is $1,350. I’m paying down my highest interest loan first for the “avalanche” method.
Donations
I’m embarrassed to say I didn’t start giving financially until this year.
$150 for an annual fundraiser for a summer camp for children with disabilities. I once was a counselor there (it inspired me to be an SLP!).
$25/month to a local organization, Connections for Abused Women and their Children. I hope to volunteer in person sometime in the future.
Electric and gas
~$75/month for my half. We live in an old building with terrible insulation.
Wifi
~$37 is my half. I currently provide teletherapy, aka I’m on Google Meet 4-5 hours a day and he’s a graphic designer. We need all the internet we can get.
Cellphone
N/A, I’m on my parent’s plan (my dad has said he would rather me pay my student loans than pay for my portion).
Subscriptions:
$46.06 per month (I did not know it was so high!)
NYT $4.00, Peloton app $14.89, iCloud storage $2.99, HP Instant Ink $5.35, Dropbox storage $11 ($131.87 yearly), Informed SLP $6.83 ($81.90 a year).
My parents have Netflix, Disney+, Amazon Prime and Spotify Family. My siblings and I mooch on them.
Gym membership
N/A since March
Car insurance:
$105, but paid quarterly
Regular therapy
$101.72, I go weekly.
Paid hobbies
NA
Day 1: Monday November 30
7:00am - I wake up with my alarm. I check the weather from my phone and roll out of bed. In the bathroom I take out my mouth guard, brush my teeth, put contacts in, and put moisturizer on. Then I start coffee, get dressed, and make toast. I put the bare minimum of makeup on (mascara and concealer) and sit on the couch under a blanket drinking coffee and checking social media from 7:30am- 8am. With remote learning I get to wake up an hour later than usual and avoid a commute. Chicago is a large city and clinicians have no control over where we are assigned in the district. My schedule completely changed this school year and I was assigned to new schools, so I haven’t been to any of my assigned schools this year and have no idea what the commute will be like. My boyfriend, Avery, wasn’t awake when I snuck out of bed, but at 7:40 he sends me a text to not check the Informed Delivery email I get every day since Christmas gifts will be arriving.
8am - log on to my work laptop. My school day goes from 8am-3pm. I’m assigned to three schools, 1.5 days at school A, 3 days at school B, and a half day at school C. I see students for about 4.5-5 hours a day, am in meetings for about an hour, have an hour each day for planning/prep, and 45 minutes for a lunch break. Yes, it doesn’t add up. When we’re in person, I usually prep while eating lunch, and I see kids in groups so I have time for everything else. During remote learning, there’s no privacy guaranteed for HIPAA or FERPA, and my district hasn’t given us a waiver for parents to sign consenting to group services. This means I need to see kids 1:1. It’s awful and means my day is nonstop. On Mondays I’m at school C in the morning and at school A in the afternoon. My first student isn’t scheduled until 8:30am so I check my email then finish up session planning for the week and prep materials for my sessions. Since we went remote and I switched to preschool, I now work in “themes.” This is the first week of Winter topics.
9am - first session ends. I write the progress note for the session. My next session is at 9:30am, and then I have an eligibility meeting /individualized education program (IEP) meeting at 10am. I make sure my evaluation report and my part of the IEP are written.
11:30am - lunch break! My 10am meeting went better than the team thought. The student is eligible to be in a special education classroom full time with intensive support, which isn’t available at school A. Initial eligibility meetings can always be challenging, especially when the student transferred from out of state so the parent isn’t familiar with Illinois special education or my district’s way of doing things. Luckily the parent agreed with the team’s findings. I make Kraft mac and cheese for lunch and watch Schitt’s Creek with Avery.
12:20pm - I’m so tired and dreading going back to work. Avery jokes about playing hooky, but one of my favorite students is scheduled at 12:30.
1:30pm - So much for seeing my favorite student. Two appointments in a row don’t show up. I have a short break to catch up on documentation before my last students of the day, back to back until 3pm. I really dislike having students in the last hour of the day but it was the time that worked best for the school schedules. I schedule emails to be sent out later today with reminders and updates. Contacting people has been the worst part of my job this year. I had the Boomerang extension for a month that sent recurring emails to remind students and parents the day before their session and 10 minutes before their session, but that expired and would’ve been $15 a month to keep that feature. Hard pass. So now I’m back to those admin duties which are frustrating and time consuming.
3pm - DONE for the day. I finish writing session notes then log out, and switch to my personal laptop to check out the Cyber Monday Teachers Pay Teachers sale. I get $250 to spend each school year and I need digital materials, plus resources for a new age group. I worked with mostly high school students last year, and this year over half my caseload is preschool. It’s a much better fit for me, but I’m basically starting from scratch!
3:45pm - I get ready to go for a walk around my neighborhood. It’s 28 degrees, the first truly cold day in Chicago. I listen to podcasts while walking most days. Today I listen to the weekend’s This American Life episode.
4:30pm - I start dinner, bolognese sauce. Bold for a weeknight paired with a three hour braising time. Avery will be going to work on house projects (he owns a 2 flat with rental units and is 2 weeks into a renovation for a second flip).
6pm - I purchase two bundles of products off Teachers Pay Teachers ($115.50) because they’re items I’ve been eyeing for a while and will work well with my caseload. Materials are speech sound cards for almost every sound, book companions, wh-question sheets, and describing activities. I then browse Thrift Books for books I want to add to my therapy collection ($105.31). For the rest of the night I watch Grey’s Anatomy (I’m rewatching old seasons) while tending to my bolognese sauce every 30 minutes. $220.81 (but will be reimbursed).
8pm - Avery arrives right when he said he would, and we eat dinner while watching The Mandalorian.
10:15pm Head to bed. I take out contacts, remove makeup, brush my teeth, wash my face and put on night cream.
Daily total: $0 ($220.81 expensed)
Day 2: Tuesday December 1
6:15am - I wake up and have to pee. I think about staying up since my alarm goes off in 45 minutes but it's so cold and dark out that I snuggle in bed to doze for 45 minutes. 7am comes too quickly. Same morning routine as yesterday.
8am- log in. Tuesdays are busy, I have back to back sessions from 9am-12:15pm for school B, with most of them for preschool students with moderate disabilities. I find those sessions extremely challenging as I need parents/caregivers to support their student in logging in and staying engaged and many are hands off. Most of these students are not appropriately served with teletherapy and need to be seen in person. It’s hard to see many families are completely overwhelmed and aren’t able to get the support their children need. I do a whole group lesson in one of the preschool classrooms at 8:15 then prepare for my morning sessions.
10am - unexpected break. A student I normally see is absent because their grandfather passed away over the weekend. Some neighborhoods in Chicago have extremely high rates of COVID-19, and many of my students and their families have been affected. I catch up on documentation and write some of an IEP with the time off.
11am - another unexpected break, again due to family illness. I have 51 students on my caseload, 41 who have direct therapy minutes. About 55% of my students are participating regularly but there’s over 15% of my caseload I have never met once. This is week 13 of the school year. So many factors are out of my control and it’s awful. I make sure my afternoon activities are prepared (read alouds, comprehension questions, and online games/videos as rewards) before getting ready for one of my toughest sessions each week.
12:15pm Lunch time. I reheat some leftover bolognese pasta (I learned from a food diary poster to save your pasta water for reheating leftovers, total gamechanger). I spend my break reading Majesty (the American Royals sequel) before getting back to work at 1pm.
3pm - done! I finish logging my time spent doing therapy and writing an IEP, then log off for the day. I clean up the kitchen a bit and do dishes, take out things from the freezer for dinner, reheat leftover fries in the air fryer, and read on the couch. Spending so much time on a computer and using my voice is exhausting. Speech therapy is a lot like putting on a performance every half hour 8-10 times in a row.
4pm - therapy for me. We touch base on my job stress, my feelings about being away from my immediate family for over a year, and talk through pros and cons of me flying home for Christmas this year.
5:30pm - take a 30 minute ride on my bike with the peloton app. Shower, eat dinner (leftover chicken noodle soup from the freezer) and watch the Mandalorian with Avery. We’re officially caught up and ready for Friday’s episode.
10:15pm - head to bed. I take a melatonin and read for a bit before falling asleep.
Daily Total: $0.
Day 3: Wednesday 12/2
7:15am - I snoozed my earlier alarms. I hurry through my morning routine so I can have 15 minutes to eat breakfast and drink coffee on the couch. I really value this time in my morning, and will miss it once I have to drive to work again.
8am - I log in and read over emails. Wednesday’s are my evaluation day and meeting day for school B. School B has had a lot of transition over the last year (new principal, new admin team, teachers leaving, unfilled vacancies and a, brand new special ed coordinator as of October) so it’s a mess: many overdue documents, unclear directives, and unfortunately the case manager seems to be technologically challenged. I’m grateful to be able to turn my camera and microphone off during our weekly team meetings because sometimes my facial expressions are too much. We were supposed to have 15 meetings over the next three Wednesdays (5 a day) but she cancelled the meetings for today due to a “protocol change” at the school level. It means my afternoon is now free from evaluations, therapy, and IEP meetings. My next two weeks will suck with endless meetings, but at least I have today to get ahead on paperwork.
9:30am - while waiting for my student to join a Google Meet session, I check my personal email and see that my request for a partial refund was processed and will be going back on my card. Avery and I got takeout from Shake Shack this weekend and they didn’t forgot to give us one shake, so I get $7.07 refunded to my credit card. +$7.07
11am - I’m done with meetings for the day! Just having three video calls puts me in a much better mood. Avery texts me about ordering Jimmy Johns for lunch, which he’ll bring back after dropping off materials and checks at his flip. I keep working on IEPs and reports, and make materials for several groups and home practice assignments.
1:45pm - Avery finally returns with food and I’m completely hangry. He originally said 1pm but traffic was awful and his meeting with the contractor went longer than expected. He paid for the food so I don’t complain. Eating lunch this late in my day means I have even less contract time left, whoo hoo!
3:45pm - I go for a long walk after finishing work and listen to My Favorite Murder. Wednesdays feel super long and stressful for me because of the upheaval of school B, and usually having mountains of paperwork to get through.
5:30pm - Avery heads to his rental property to have new tenants sign the lease. I take that time to order Christmas presents for him and my family. I have three younger siblings and my parents, so we decided a couple of years ago to exchange stocking stuffers only. It’s pretty fun, and cost effective! Around a $20 limit, but it’s still $100 when you’re buying for 5 people and I’m the only sibling making above minimum wage. My goal with stocking stuffers is to avoid extra junk, and trying to give useful items or things that will get used. I decide to do fun things. I place orders on etsy (Boldface Swedish dish towels with fun sayings, highly recommend), for $40.03, and on Uncommon Goods ($158.26), which includes a couple small gifts for Avery. His birthday is in February so whatever I don’t give him now, I’ll give him then. $198.29.
7:30pm I make dinner (chicken thighs with salt, pepper and lemon juice, melting potatoes, and Brussels sprouts). While I’m cooking, I get an invite from Avery’s sister to join his family’s gift exchange. We hadn’t really talked about it since Thanksgiving zoom calls but it’s nice to be included. One is a $40 Iimit and the other is a homemade gift. He jokes that I’ll be baking cookies for both me and him to give in the exchange. We watch Schitt’s Creek until heading to bed at 10pm.
Daily total: $191.22 (other)
Day 4: Thursday December 3
7am - I didn’t sleep well last night so feel intensely groggy from the midnight melatonin I took when I couldn’t fall asleep. Same morning routine as usual and start work at 8am. Thursdays are another day of back to back sessions, I have 10 30-minute sessions today.
12pm- Lunch time. I had a lot of no-shows this morning. It’s sometimes nice to have 30 minutes of quiet, but I’m required to send students who didn’t show some resources to complete on their own, which is more work for me. Lunch is leftover bolognese pasta and D and I watch Forensic Files.
2:15pm - my afternoon was also suspiciously quiet. I end up double checking if there was an internet outage in school B’s neighborhood, because the last time a day of no-shows was because Xfinity was down. Turns out, not the case. I document my contact attempts for each student and move on. Each time a student doesn’t show, it’s one less thing to plan. Looks like the Gingerbread Man theme continues on next week!
3pm - pay day is tomorrow and my pay stub is available. I check it for accuracy and see I’m getting paid an extra $300! I had worked the Saturday before Thanksgiving to assess children aging out of early intervention and into the public schools to determine what services they need for some extra cash.
4:15pm - go on my daily walk then come sit on the couch and watch Grey’s Anatomy for a couple hours. I format this MD while doing so and then browse social media.
7pm - I make dinner out of the random leftovers we have. I end up making rice, roasting a shallot, carrot and some Brussels sprouts in the oven with olive oil, salt and pepper, and chicken thighs with salt pepper and garlic cloves. I chop it all up and throw it into bowls. Can we call it a grain bowl or a harvest bowl?
8pm - Avery and I watch Schitt’s creek while we eat.
10:20pm - I head to bed and do my night routine: take out contacts, remove makeup, wash my face, add moisturizer and brush my teeth. I stay up too late to finish reading my book.
Daily Total: $0
Day 5: Friday December 4th
7am - Wake up tired and ready for the day to be over. Fridays are hard because I have 10 sessions scheduled back to back, and because school A has a universal lunch time at 11am, I have to take my lunch then too. I usually prefer to eat around 12 so I can have less time left in my day before it’s over. Mentors have always told me to try to work out my schedule so I could have paperwork time on Friday afternoons, but it doesn’t happen like that in remote learning. Most students have asynchronous learning times in the afternoons, and parents don’t want their kid to miss class time (however, that’s exactly what happens when kids are in school buildings.)
10:30am- three out of five students didn’t log in for their appointments. I send emails to their teachers to check on engagement in class, and because teachers generally know more than me if a student/their family is sick or if the technology isn’t working. It’s a running joke that SLPs are the last to know about schedule changes, student transfers, or family dynamics. It’s probably because we’re itinerant (move around school buildings) so we may only be in the building once per week, but it’s challenging to feel like I’m always one step behind. However, my kids who showed are very sweet and funny and we have hilarious conversations each week. They're working on speech sounds which I find simple and straightforward to remediate, plus the students are really motivated because they don't like sounding "like a baby." My students working on comprehension skills don't like me as much because I make them practice things that are hard.
11am - lunch time. Avery and I head to McDonald’s because he wants a coke and cheeseburger, and I never say no to french fries. He pays.
12pm - back to work. Three more hours to go til the weekend!
3pm - my afternoon was surprisingly full, I met a student for the first time today! They hadn’t logged onto speech once, and their parent had basically ghosted me (no replies to emails, phone calls, or texts). I don’t know what changed but I just about fell over from excitement seeing their name pop up in my virtual waiting room. I do really like most of my students this year, and my favorite preschooler is my last student of the week. The preschool student made so much progress this year, it’s really incredible. I might be graduating them from speech soon! After closing out my computer for the week and writing a to-do list for next week, I send a Venmo to a fellow clinician at one of my schools for a group gift. We learned that a school staff member has had multiple family deaths recently and will be taking bereavement leave, so the special education team is contributing towards flowers/a plant and a card. $15
3:30pm - After some time just scrolling through social media, I decide it’s time to deep clean our bathroom. I started following GoCleanCo on Instagram back in March and got into deep cleaning and while I don’t use all their methods, I did buy a grout brush. Scrolling through Instagram and everyone’s gatherings and Christmas decorations is hurtful right now. I’m feeling really sad about the pandemic situation and not seeing my family. I don’t mind cleaning because it’s a good time killer and mind occupier and I love the results of having a clean place. I listen to the podcast “Do No Harm” and find it relaxing to scrub and beautify the apartment.
5:30pm - Bathroom is clean, some laundry is done, and the kitchen is spot cleaned (stovetop and countertops wiped down, dishes clean and put away). Avery and I chat about our evening/weekend plans. He needs to clear out the remainder of his stuff from his rental for the new tenants moving in on December 15th. I ride my bike for 15 minutes while finishing my podcast episode, then I take a 30 minute ride using the Peloton app.
6:30pm - Endorphins for the win! I feel better emotionally and physically, so after I stretch I take a long shower in my pristine bathroom.
7:30pm - Avery and I decide on ordering Mexican food for dinner. We’re trying out a new place, he gets a burrito al pastor and I get steak tacos with rice and beans. He pays.
8pm- We watch a movie with our tacos and beer, then make gin and tonics to sip on.
12am - I get in bed to read a new book, Cinder, while while Avery plays with his Oculus Quest 2. We go to sleep around 1am.
Daily total: $15 (Other)
Day 6: Saturday December 5th
9am- wake up and read in bed. Avery makes coffee and we drink it in bed while having phone time (him) and reading time (me). He’s taking a day off from working on his flip and his rental, which hasn’t happened in a long time.
11am - We get out of bed and get ready for the day. I put some baked ziti from the freezer into the oven for lunch, and begin making a grocery list.
2pm - Avery and I head to the grocery store. We pick up potatoes, onions, carrots, celery, arugula, lemons, cabbage, shallots, chicken thighs, Italian sausages, a whole chicken, half and half, cheese, butter, bread, chicken stock, oreos, and coke. I pay, and Avery Venmos me for half. $43.56
3:30pm - after getting home and unloading our groceries, Avery plays on his Oculus and I go for a walk and call my mom. She is really pushing me to come home for Christmas, but I don’t feel safe due to Chicago’s rising COVID cases. She keeps saying I could quarantine for 2 weeks and get a test, but it would involve flying and I don’t feel comfortable taking that risk. I also dislike how much my parents have been getting out and how my siblings living at home both have jobs working in person. I haven’t seen my family since last December and there’s nothing I want more than to be at home but it’s not the right time.
5:45pm - we start dinner, roast chicken with cabbage and potatoes. I quiz Avery on what to get his mom for Christmas, as I don’t know her very well. He says she likes wine, rustic, woodworking, and other crafty things. I start browsing for gifts.
7pm - Food is ready, and we watch last night’s Mandalorian while we eat. After cleaning up, we watch Phantom Thread and drink wine.
11pm - Head to bed.
Daily Total: $43.56 (Food and Drink).
Day 7: Sunday December 6
9am - I wake up freezing, Avery opened the window sometime last night to cool off our bedroom. I get up to close it, then get back to bed to read for a while. My goal was to read 30 books this year and I’ve read 22 so far. Goodreads says I’m on track, but I think that’s a lie.
10:30am - Avery wakes up and we cuddle for a bit. He’s working on his house today so heads out around 11. I make myself coffee and reheat frozen banana bread for breakfast and resolve to get his mom’s gift. I hate paying for expedited shipping and I want to make sure this arrives on time. I decide to get her a marble wine cooler and include a bottle of wine. Basic, but a good generic gift. $32.27
1pm - I get an email that a gift for my mom’s birthday is back in stock! Her birthday is 5 days after Christmas and it’s sometimes a struggle to find something. I quickly purchase it, and select it to be shipped to my parent’s house. I’ll recruit a sibling to take it in and hide it. After too much time on the internet, I get dressed and go for a walk. $105.14
2:30pm I read Cinder while eating lunch and finally finish it! Only 7 more books to go before the new year. I start browsing Libby for more available books.
6:00pm - I start listening to an audiobook, The Woman in the Window, and prepare to make french onion soup. Cutting three pounds of onions is no joke, I even brought out swimming goggles but they’re tinted so it is almost more dangerous to use those. Avery gets home right as I finish slicing the last onion, of course.
7:00pm - I do a quick peloton ride, then shower while Avery tends to my caramelizing onions.
8pm - The soup turned out amazing! We eat dinner while watching Schitt’s Creek. Avery heads to bed around 9:30pm, I stay up to read a while longer.
10:45pm - bedtime.
Daily total: $137.51 (Other)
TOTALS and Reflection
Food + Drink: $43.56
Fun / Entertainment: $0
Home + Health: $0
Clothes + Beauty: $0
Transport: $0
Other: $343.63 (gifts), $220.81 expensed.
Total Spent: $608
This week was a lot of spending for me with the gift shopping and purchasing resources for my school. I’m glad I stayed on budget for holiday spending! I posted in another thread about budgeting $300-400 per year.
Holiday shopping aside, it’s a typical week since the pandemic started: I go grocery shopping about every two weeks and that’s about it, especially now that I live at least a half mile from any coffee shops (my biggest vice is fancy coffee). This week my boyfriend bought our takeout and most of the alcohol we drank (beecider and liquor), which is typical because he prefers to eat out more often and drinks more than I do. I usually pay for takeout 1-2 times a month, and I buy the wine. I’ve been consciously cutting back on my spending since school started in September. I track my spending each month, but this was the first time I sat down and calculated my assets, debt in a while. I hadn’t realized I’d paid down 10k of debt in a year! It’s a small chip on a large block but I’m happy about the milestone. Moving forward, I want to pick up the pace in 2021 for paying down debt. I also wish my expenses were lower. I can afford my lifestyle, but I want to be saving more to meet my goals. Avery and I will need to talk in the coming months about our next move (our apartment is a mixed bag right now) and I think a goal will be to reduce our living expenses.

Better Know the Ones Left Off the Ballot #3: Dan Uggla

And we're back. 2 down, 37 (jeez) to go. To help with that, and to celebrate the symposium, I'm considering posting two of these tomorrow. Randy Choate and Kevin Gregg have been given their due, now onto our next vict- person of interest.

Dan Uggla

Bill James Hall of Fame Monitor: 35 Career bWAR (10 years): 18.2 Stats: .241/.336/.447, 107 OPS+, 1149 H, 235 HR, 491 XBH, 706 RBI, 759 R League Leading Stats: Walks (94, 2012), Errors committed as 2B 2x (18, 2010 | 15, 2011) Awards: All-Star 3x (2006, 2008, 2012), Silver Slugger (2010), 2006 June NL Rookie of the Month, 2011 August NL Player of the Month Teams Played For: Marlins (2006-10), Braves (2011-14), Giants (2014), Nationals (2015)
Daniel Cooley Uggla. An unusual name for an unusual player. His career was simultaneously totally ignorable and definitely abnormal. As a result, his name couldn't be more appropriate. Daniel is as run-of-the-mill a man's name as you can get, while Uggla is a quite uncommon Swedish noble family name, meaning "owl." Bet if you met a guy named Timmy Penguin you wouldn't forget that moniker anytime soon. But just how uncommon was his career? Well, only 16 second basemen have over 200 career home runs. Some Hall-of-Famers got there just by playing for a long time, like Joe Morgan, Roberto Alomar, and Craig Biggio. Hall members with a bit of pop like Ryne Sandberg and Bobby Doerr got there by consistently putting up dingers. Same is true of non-Hall members like Jeff Kent and Robby Cano. And then, in 12th place on the all-time leaderboard, above 15 people with plaques, there's Owlboy. How did he get there?
Following an impressive career at the University of Memphis, the Arizona Diamondbacks drafted Dan Uggla in the 11th round of the 2001 draft. His next three years would be spent bouncing between A and A+, going from 5 homers and a .608 OPS in his first full season to 23 homers and a .859 OPS in his second. Birdman finally put it all together in 2004 where he was slashing .336/.422/.600 after 37 games in A+, and got promoted to AA, where he cooled off to finish the year with an OPS of .774 across both leagues. In 2005, his first full season in AA, he'd be much more productive, as he socked 21 dingers and slashed .297/.378/.502. This caused buzz, and led some to believe he might be a top 10 Dbacks prospect despite his 25 years of age. That December was the Rule 5 Draft, where teams are allowed to select any minor league player with more than 4 years experience not on a Major League team's 40-man roster. The Diamondbacks made the mistake of leaving Uggla exposed after his 4th year in the minors, and with the 8th pick, the Florida Marlins snatched him up like he was a mouse in the dead of night. Good news for Uggla: the team had to keep him on their 25-man roster for the entire year or he'd go back to Arizona. Bad news: This was the Florida Marlins in the midst of a market correction.
For those of you familiar, the 2005 offseason was not a good time to be a Marlins fan. Before Derek Jeter retired and moved to Florida, the owner of the baseball team bearing the state's name was a man by the name of Jeffrey Loria. Well, I say "man," but "selfish hobgoblin" would probably be more accurate. The end of the 2005 season saw his team tragically go from 78-67 and a wild card spot to 83-79 and out of the playoffs. Upon the conclusion of that season, Loria made his fiendishly egocentric intentions clear: he wanted a new stadium. For as long as the Marlins had existed, they had shared a stadium with the Miami Dolphins. Loria didn't like sharing, so he gave a mandate to the local government: use tax dollars to build my stadium, or next year, the team will suck. If there was no stadium deal, he would begin to eviscerate the team's payroll, trading big names for no-names. In case you didn't know, stadiums are expensive, and the city didn't have a spare $150 million lying around, so they said no. Loria kept his promise. Carlos Delgado, one year removed from signing the largest contract in team history and recent top-5 MVP vote getter, was shipped to the Mets for pennies on the dollar. Starting catcher Paul Lo Duca joined him shortly thereafter. Stalwart rotation arm Josh Beckett and dependable third baseman Mike Lowell shipped off to Boston. Juan Pierre was dealt to the Cubs. Luis Castillo got a ticket to Minnesota. Nine players who all contributed to the team that was in a playoff spot within twenty games of the season's end were effectively shown the door when they didn't receive arbitration offers. When asked if these actions constituted a fire sale, Loria said he preferred to think of it as a "market correction." He was wrong. This was not a valuation adjustment of his baseball team. This was a billionaire throwing a fit because the city wouldn't give him his own sandbox where he could play with his toys. And so, if one toddler couldn't play where he wanted, nobody got to play at all. When the flames died down, the total payroll for Loria's team's entire roster was $21 million. That was less money than Alex Rodriguez would be making that year by himself. Starting pitchers Dontrelle Willis and Brian Moehler were the only two Marlins whose paychecks required a second comma. The only meaningful names left on the team were Willis and Miguel Cabrera. Florida's 2006 Opening Day lineup had 6 players who had played in 83 MLB games combined prior to that day. No, not their Opening Day roster, their Opening Day lineup. And who do you think might be starting at second base, batting sixth? Why, it's a little 26-year-old Rule 5 draft pick with a funny looking last name.
Uggla's MLB debut saw him go 0-for-2 with a walk and a strikeout. I mean, can you really say you expect more from a guy who just got supplanted from AA? His first hit came in the next game, and his first home run came in game number eight against Dewon Brazelton. Sidenote, Dan Uggla no longer has the funniest name in this post. Great Horned Daniel did all right for himself after that slow start, batting .305/.362/.467 after the first month and a half of the season. Problem was, everyone else on the team did all wrong for themselves. The Marlins were 11-31. And really, given what they were working with, can you blame them? The next month after that start, though, saw Uggla wake himself and the rest of the team up. Florida went 19-6 in their next 25 games, and Uggla contributed massively over that span, batting .327/.374/.643 with 7 homers, 22 RBIs, and 20 runs. Despite missing 8 games following that run, given that hitting line, it shouldn't surprise anyone that he was voted June's NL Rookie of the Month. Better yet, his excellent hitting at a position where Chase Utley was considered a power bat got our owly friend selected to the All-Star game as a reserve. Uggla didn't end up playing in the game, and cooled off a bit after that, but didn't ever go entirely cold. In fact, in a game on September 11 against the Mets, he had 5 hits, one home run, and saw his team win 16-5. That win brought the Marlins to a record of 73-71. They had successfully gone from 20 games under .500 to a winning record in a single season, the first MLB team to ever accomplish such a feat. Sadly, Florida would once again have a season-ending slump, losing 13 of their last 18 in an eerily similar streak to 2005. However, the 78-84 record where they ended the season had so much more poured into it than the final result could ever tell. Our nocturnal feathered Dan did more than his share, hitting .282/.339/.480 with 27 home runs and 90 RBIs on the year. Uggla deservedly received 6 first-place votes for NL Rookie of the Year, ultimately losing to his teammate Hanley Ramirez, and finishing ahead of his other teammates Josh Johnson, Scott Olsen, Anibal Sanchez, and Josh Willingham. Six players from a single team all getting votes for Rookie of the Year is almost certainly never going to happen again, so congrats to Hootie and the Swordfish for making history. All the success aside, questions arose about how effective he'd be in the long-term. Could Uggla keep it up, or had the clock struck midnight on this Rule 5 pick's Cinderowla story? Here's a hint: even if the clock's struck midnight, owls are nocturnal.
The next four years, Uggla retained the Marlins' starting second base position, and showed the first season was far from a fluke. 27 homers, the most he'd ever hit in a season up to that point, turned out to be the lowest number he'd have in Florida. 2007 through 2009 saw Uggla sock 31, 32, and 31 dingers. The lowest OPS he'd have over that span was .805, and his lowest RBI total was 88. Both came in 2007, when he was the number 2 hitter, but a move down the lineup to number 5 the next year saw him flourish. He was so good in 2008, he got another trip to the All-Star Game! And he actually played in this one! We don't have to talk about how he did, do we? Can we ignore the record he set with three errors in that game and the three strikeouts and GIDP he had at the plate? Cool thanks moving on. As for his time in Florida, 2010 was definitely the peak for Dan for Owl Seasons (Shakespeare pun, might be reaching). While he may not have been voted to the All-Star game, he more than made up for it, slashing .287/.369/.508, with 105 RBIs, and a 131 OPS+. All of those stats were career highs. Not satisfied with only five of those happening that year, he tacked on one more: 33 home runs. That number did several things for him. It put him atop the Marlins' career home run leaderboard with 154. It made him the first second baseman in Major League history to hit 30 or more home runs in four straight seasons. It notched him that year's Silver Slugger. It got him onto more than a couple NL MVP ballots. What it also did, though, was make him valuable. He rejected a 4-year, $48-million extension from the Marlins, who had just finished the season 80-82, out of playoff contention for the seventh straight year. Despite his fantastic batting numbers, Owld Dang Syne had never played in a playoff game. Perhaps that was part of his motivation for rejecting the largest contract the Marlins had ever offered to a second baseman. And so, the offseason after his best season in the Majors, Dan Uggla was traded to the Atlanta Braves for utility player Omar Infante and left-handed reliever Mike Dunn. In defiance of his avian peers, that winter saw this Owl fly north.
Once Uggla was perched upon the position of second base in Atlanta, that necessitated a move for Martin Prado, an All-Star the previous year who finished above Uggla in MVP voting. An interesting choice, certainly, but Prado had shown range at other defensive positions that Uggla hadn't. The thing was, even then, Uggla wasn't exactly the best fielder at second either. In 2010, the same year he set a bunch of career bests at the plate, Owlfred Dannyworth led the league in Errors with 18. And instead of regularly great shortstop Hanley Ramirez, this year he'd be paired with 34-year-old Alex Gonzalez. How did that turn out? Could've been better. Uggla did achieve a new high for home runs with 36, incidentally making him the only second baseman to hit 30 home runs in five straight seasons. Everything else, not so much. A season after Uggla's average, on-base, and slugging had all reached new career highs, all of them hit new career lows, with .233/.311/.453. Not awful, but definitely not what was expected of him at this point. That was bolstered by a fantastic August, where he hit .340/.405/.670 with 10 home runs en route to his second NL Player of the Month award. Thing is, he led the league in errors again and had a career low -1.2 dWAR. And he was turning 32 next season. Did I mention the Braves had just signed him for 5 years and $62 million? Because... uh oh. Things began to look up the next year, as the first half saw Owl Pacino garner some newfound fielding skills, and his hitting seemed to be improving, peaking at .276/.384/.492 in early June. He earned his third trip to the All-Star game, which didn't go nearly as bad as his last outing. He actually started the game this time! Nice going Dan! Good sign of things to come! Right? Well, offensively, 2012 turned out to be one of Uggla's worst seasons yet. He struggled late into the season, finishing at .220/.348/.384. While those are new career lows in average and slugging, the on-base is helped by a league-leading 94 walks. This marked the first time Uggla finished a season with fewer than 20 home runs (19), an OPS+ below 100 (98), and fewer than 250 total bases (201). There was one good thing that happened to Pasta Owl Dan-te: his team reached the playoffs! His Braves were a wild card team! And it was 2012! And the infield fly rule existed! Oh... wait... let's move on. The rest of his time in Atlanta went about as well as that playoff run did. The next year, his batting average spent a total of about three weeks above the Mendoza line. Even with 22 home runs that's just not okay. Combine that with a return to normalcy in the field, two more career low years for on-base and slugging, and a tied career high strikeout total at 171, and you have what we call a bad season. How's that contract looking now? Two more years? Sounds great! After the first couple months of 2014 saw Uggla's numbers headed for the fourth straight year of new career worsts in every hitting category, the Braves began to explore other options at second base. When Tommy La Stella began showing promise in the middle of the summer, Atlanta decided to cut their losses, and let the Owl fly free on July 18th. Dan Uggla was now 34 years old, coming off a steady decline in production that showed no signs of slowing, and was named Dan Uggla. How would he get out of this one?
While there may have been a significant downturn in I'm-running-out-of-owl-puns's production as of late, he still played second base okay. One team that needed someone who could do that in late July of 2014 was the San Francisco Giants. After the great Marco Scutaro went down with an injury early in the year, band-aids like Ehire Adrianza and Brandon Hicks just hadn't been cutting it. Rookie Joe Panik had come up in the last month, but his bat didn't look amazing. And so, at the time, it made sense for them to pick up someone like Uggla, with a proven track record and history of a nice bat as a 2B. And so, on July 21, the Nocturnal Flying Animal (I'm running on fumes here) signed a minor league deal, and three days later, joined the Giants dugout. After going 0-for-12 with one walk at the plate and committing two errors in the field in his next four games, The Giants realized they'd made a mistake, and cut [insert owl joke here] from the roster. They stuck with Panik for the rest of the year, and whataya know they won the World Series, leading to half the comments on this post reading simply "World Series Champion Dan Uggla." Congrats on the ring man! Er, owl! (Help.) His last year of Major League play was spent as a Washington Nationowl, (please tell me we're almost done) where he served primarily as a pinch-hitter and backup second baseman behind Danny Espinosa. He played in only 67 games, batted .183/.298/.300, and said his farewell that offseason at the age of 36. His last at-bat, on October 3rd, was a home run. The game was against the New York Mets, and happened to be the same game where Max Scherzer tossed a 17-strikeout 0-walk no-hitter. And frankly, if that's not the best way for this Owl to fly the coop, I don't know what is.
Dan Uggla's career really is unique. Maybe if Brian Dozier sticks around he could contest that fact, but other than him, there isn't really anyone. His journey to the MLB was unusual, his time there was unusual, the way he got his World Series ring was unusual, and in case you can't tell I've run out of owl puns so I'm pretty much cooked. The man had a weird career, what else can I say. His place on the ballot would have been similar to that of Adam Dunn's, but given that he was only unusual and not a freak outlier, I can see why they left him off. Oh, and in case it wasn't clear, Giancarlo Stanton broke his Marlins home run record, though he's the only second baseman save Rogers Hornsby to lead a franchise in homers for that long in the history of Major League Baseb-owl (okay that was truly awful I really need to stop).
Dan Uggla would visit the Hall of Fame in a Marlins cap for his two All-Star selections, 154 home runs, and 15.7 bWAR with them. I would make an owl pun here but as previously mentioned I don't have any more.

ALL weapons in phantom forces summarized by an idiot

time to sit here with my uncreative mind for about 20 minutes
AK12: low damage compensated by mega-burst mode. every lobby have one low rank running an R2 suppressor on this thing
AN94: Nikonov you got some 'splainin to do! 7.62 conversion makes this gun basically a better AK47
AS VAL: the ultimate sneaky deletion device - it deletes enemies, and also your ammo. also sneaky!
SCAR-L: a slower, more accurate L85A2. SOCOM soldiers been playing too much fortnite
AUG A1: low damage compensated by low recoil. however, unlike the AK12, it lacks (unfortunately) a mega-burst mode
M16A4: used to be good. still is good, if you have the patience to sit in a VIP server and practice bursting for 3 hours a day
G36: old but gold. and not even that old.
M16A3: the tryhard's gun. also the casual player's gun. also the "play for fun" gun. also the meta gun. reloads at the speed of light and does mediocre damage paired with high firerate.
AUG A2: some could call it a better MP5 when paired with a muzzle booster. above average stats for assault rifles and goes head-on-head with the newer K2 rifle.
K2: south korea tried to make their own M16. shoots NATO bullets that are capable of 3-shotting.
FAMAS F1: G2 conversion is completely useless now, with the arrival of the K7 weapon. a possible contender for the strongest close range assault rifle, perhaps even stronger than the AS VAL
AK47: has surprisingly low recoil once you get used to it. hollow point is broken as always.
AUG A3: i don't know how to describe copy paste guns. sorry
L85A2: perhaps a better SCAR-L (with slower reload). gotta love universal 4-shots
HK416: the tryhard's gun V2. some people run hollow point on it, some people run 300 blackout on it. both make it basically a worse AS VAL.
AK74: that weird 5.45*39R rifle that no one really talks about
AKM: the cooler '47
AK103: more AKs? cringe. not many people use this gun, and it's actually pretty good
TAR 21: the cooler HK416. statistically better in almost every way
Type 88-2: AK74 made in china
M231: accuracy doesn't matter, just get those bullets out there.
C7A2: the tryhard's gun V3
G11K2: i would like to speak to the person who thought this was a good idea to design
MP5K: baby MP5 with a useful 10mm conversion
UMP45: its just an assault rifle with no penetration
G36C: useless
MP7: budget vector. hollow points works really well with this weapon
MAC10: M231 but it fits in your pocket
P90: *rushing b*
MP5: this is everything you want from an SMG
Colt SMG: has a useless conversion. budget vector V2
L2A3: shoot slow, but VERY powerful. has a nice .45 ACP conversion to go along with it
MP5SD: this is everything you want from an SMG, but more
MP10: And God said, "Let there be light," and there was light.
M3A1: don't you love slow shooting SMGs? me neither.
MP5/10: i honestly don't know why we would need more MP5s
Uzi: the cooler L2A3
AUG A3 Para: no recoil machine
K7: vector made in china. can somehow equip a loudener, despite being integrally suppressed. wonder what that would sound like
Krinkov: baby AK74
PPSH-41: so many people use it, despite it just being another P90
FAL Para Shorty: baby fal!
Kriss Vector: more used prebought than use unlocked. 9mm conversion is good, people
PP-19 Bizon: Oscar's "ammo box"
MP40: stop it with the slow SMGs, please
X95 SMG: i just don't know what to say about this anymore. the Tavor family was always pretty good.
Tommy Gun: two ways you can use this gun: like a normal SMG, or equip the M1919 conversion and melt enemies with some blazing hot 45 ACP. at least until you need to reload...
COLT LMG: take two M4A1s and tape them together.
M60: thankfully got nerfed, but still reopens previous PTSD scars when you get killed by one.
AUG HBAR: it was winning the race for best LMG until a nerf hit it hard, causing it to fall behind to second, and letting the SCAR HAMR win the race for first place.
MG36: 300 blackout conversion makes it kinda useful now
RPK12: combined with super AP, it becomes the most powerful assault rifle to ever exist. also features the AK12's mega-burst, which lets your dump magazines at silly high speeds
L86 LSW: the suppression machine, allowing you to get at least 1 suppression bonus per kill. otherwise just a slower, more powerful assault rifle. was made better recently with a nice .223 remington buff.
RPK: shooting this thing is like ASMR
HK21: the bullet hose. can be made more useful with muffler, but generally can only be used as a support gun with its low accuracy and bulkiness.
SCAR HAMR: all hail the king of machine guns!
RPK74: weird knockoff RPK, but it's actually very good
MG3KWS: the bullet hose V2: just a bad HK21
MG42: shoots so fast it can't even be used as a traditional LMG
Intervention: the TRG is arguably better with a recent buff
R700: the assault sniper
Dragunov SVU: budget SCAR SSR that specializes for very long range engagements
AWS: suppressed R700. its bad. don't use it
BFG50: the funny 1-shot meme pipe
AWM: overrated.
TRG-42: slow but reeks of 1-shot kill range. also has a 1-shot limb range
Mosin Nagant: 8mm makes it a rival to the R700 for the best CQC sniper
Dragunov SVDS: haha, spirals gun that no one else can use
K14: it looks like a plastic toy gun, but its very slow. Powerful, but the firing sound effect resembles a a cross between a cork popping out of a bottle and a balloon getting popped.
Hecate II: the funny french baguette cannon
M107: the funny semi auto BFG
Steyr Scout: i don't know why anyone would use this, other than tryharding. 5.56 conversion is a joke
WA2000: people wall it the "Wah two-kay". don't try to hide it, you're guilty of that as well
M4A1: M16A3 with a birth defect
G36K: a carbine that somehow has better close range capabilities than it's SMG variant
M4: M16A4 with a birth defect
L22: BABY L85A2
SCAR PDW: 7.62 conversion makes it incredibly powerful.
AKU12: has a nice little 9mm conversion that makes it one of the best SMGs in the game
Groza-1: scarily tight shot grouping, and has a 5.56 conversion that makes it just a better MP5. Way too underrated.
AK12C: i just don't see a reason to use this when the AKU12 already exists.
Honey Badger: doesn't taste like honey at all. also doesn't taste like badgers
K1A: the useless K-pop gun
SR3M: unsuppressed AS VAL.
Groza-4: its basically an AK12C with a suppressor.
MC51SD: powerful, but not powerful enough
Fal 50.63 Para: 45 ACP.
1858 Carbine: at this point i'm just lazy.
AK105: a small '103
Jury: 410 conversions, too powerful
KAC SRR: a more powerful VSS
K95R: again, Tavor family weapons are just generally good
HK51B: HK21 with more recoil
MK11: patience is key with this weapon. you click to fast, you shoot slower. 500 phantom turns it into a slightly more powerful VSS.
SKS: has a couple of VPO shotgun conversions...
SL8: no one talks about this gun, despite it being the easiest DMR to use. when macroed, its better than basically every assault rifle and battle rifle
VSS Vintorez: instead of forcing you to have trigger discipline, it instead punishes you for not having it.
MSG90: what can I say, but hey, you're useless!
Beowulf TCR: the definition of spam DMRs
SA58 SPR: semi auto FAL. hey, who wants to shoot pistol round from their DMR? 45 ACP conversion does!
SCAR SSR: POWER.
Beowulf ECR: an unsuppressed VSS
SCAR-H: can be used as a DMR when necessary, and still have enough ammo to spray down a couple enemies
AK12BR: bring back the 3 round burst, the 2 round burst sucks
G3: fun to use, but the AG3 is just better
AG3: g3 with an extra "A"
HK417: a bad SCAR-H
Henry 45-70: "lever action?!? i'm not gonna use tha-""it has a shotgun conversion."
FAL 50.00: good old FAL.
KSG12: equip a KSG25 barrel for 24 rounds. more than you'll ever need in your entire life
R870: good range, but has the biggest flaw of the shotguns: slow ROF
DBV12: your first experience on a semi-auto shotgun.
KS23M: hey who wants a shotgun carbine? yes, I rifled the barrel so it qualifies as a carbine!
Saiga 12: the SKS shotgun is better, sadly.
Stevens DB: if you see this, just run.
AA12: the only reason why this gun is so cancerous to fight against is because it has quick follow up shots. all the other shotgun's only weakness is the fact that if you miss, you are basically dead.
SPAS-12: yay! a balanced shotgun! oh. its rank 120 unlock
M9: pasta gun
G17: i hate the iron sights, so the M9 is automatically better
M1911: the M9 for the patient man
Desert Eagle L5: best muzzle velocity in-class. extended barrel makes it the definition of a pocket DMR
M45A1: the cooler 1911
Five-seveN: shoots 5.7 rounds. funny.
Zip 22: if you use this, I declare you to be a legend. but also, why would you do that
GB22: has the most conversions of all the pistols
Desert Eagle XIX: unbox starter 1 cases until you get the gold skin
G18: glocks are bad. totally not a personal hunch
93R: with raffica stock and muzzle brake, you now have a low-recoil 1100 RPM 3 shot machine with 20 rounds. that's more than enough to kill anyone
TEC-9: funny swedish meatball machine gun
Micro Uzi: Baby Uzi that acts nothing like an uzi
Scorpion vz. 61: no recoil deletion machine
MP1911: mutant 1911 that can somehow only fit 15 rounds, despite the magazine being a mile long.
Arm Pistol: 2 ballistics trackers? TECHNICALLY a pistol.
MP412 REX: twin brother of the Mateba 6
MAteba 6: twin brother of the MP412 REX
1858 new army: snake sh*t
Redhawk: it's only redeeming quality is that snubnose makes it look funny
Judge: pocket shot, what more could you want?
Executioner: it's name fits the bill.
serbu shotgun: the only fair shotgun, because its a secondary
SFG50: RNG trickshot cannon
M79 thumper: thankfully it doesn't shoot grenades. unfortunately, it doesn't shoot grenades
sawed off: pair this with the Stevens DB to become the full-on overkill machine
Saiga-12 U: has a whole lotta conversions.
Obrez: people how prebuy this are genuinely stupid. not sorry.
fine, i'll do melees
knife: new animations are sick
Krampus Kukri: try not to headshot
Ritual sickle: the thing just looks brutal. shouldn't be very heavy, but the swing animations are slow, for some reason
Key: unlocked at (funny number) rank!
Ice pick: your enemies are not made of ice, just thought i'd let you know
Machete: used for cutting twigs
Tomahawk: the word "hand axe" taken a bit literally
pocket knife: swiss army knife.
Jason: machete 2.0
Darkheart: weird thingy thingy
Karambit: the clipper melee
hunting knife: not actually used for hunting, used to prepare meat from hunted animals instead.
cleaver: cutting board abuse
Tactical spatula: fry me an egg on this blood-stained thing
mek'leth: it works, i guess
Tanzanite blade: minecraft sword!
Jkey: a green key, or something
Long sword: a long sword
fire axe: you're supposed to use this to save people, not kill people
Zweihander: a slightly longer sword
Icemourne: merry crimbo! heres a sick looking sword
Hattori: the blad range is 4 studs, but the animations make it unusable past 1 stud
Zero cutter: a green triangle thing
World buster: used to have a walkspeed of 18
Zircon trident: terraria weapons!
Nordic War axe: very easy to use and hit headshots
Chosen One: use this like you are anakin and you see kids
Noobslayer: Doom sword. use for slaying noobs
Reaper: you originally meant to use this as a lawn mower, but whatever
Crowbar: new animations looking sick
Maglight club: blind your enemies before bonking their heads
Candy cane: might as well just eat it
Holiday tea: i think you just want a snack at this point
trench mace: headshots galore!
Clonker: makes you go clonk
Frying pan: insert TF2 frying pan sound
Keyboard: someones getting angry
stick grenade: make this explode, please
ASP baton: you could use this as a chalkboard pointer
MJOLNIR: makes a cool thundering sound, i guess
Tanzanite pick: yooooo minecraft pickaxe
Hockey stick: lets play hockey, but with your head
Baseball bat: lets play baseball, but again, with your head
Banjo: makes a funny banjo sound!
StyLis Brush: squeaky clean
Clementine: cue the rock music
void staff: the lightning attack speed got buffed a bit, so now it's more fun
Morning star: this thing always one-shots for some reason
Warhammer: hammer, but for war
Sledgehammer: hammer, but for destroying things
Crane: reskin baseball bat
Ukelele: to be honest, i didn't know this was even in the game.
grenade: boom
skull grenade: scary boom
bomble: boom!

[Sat, Jan 30 2021] TL;DR — This is what you missed in the last 24 hours on Reddit

[Table] I just set the Guinness World Record for longest distance swim in the ocean on a single breath. I also hold the record for longest freedive under ice on a single breath in speedos and can hold my breath for 22 minutes. Ask me anything! (pt 1/2)

Source
Rows in table: ~90
Note: There may be a few instances of confusion where the question-taker replied to the wrong comment

Questions	Answers
How much did you have to pay Guinness World Records to accept the record? You always hear that they effectively make money off of charging people for records and I'm curious how it worked for you.	Hi there - a normal record takes 12 weeks for pre-approval, but now with Covid has gone up to 16 weeks. I paid for Express pre-approval and believe it was around 700 USD. Same for final approval of the record (it is a lot of paperwork, files and proof and must be ratified by the GWR Record Approval Team. Price for Express Approval is about the same (or it will take 16 weeks). But you can do all records for free if you have all the time in the world. The process is still the same. In my case we needed an Appointed AIDA Freediving Instructor Trainer and various permits for the Marine Park in La Paz, Mexico. The project took about 2 months to set up with all from rescue boat planning, logistics, rope measurement, First-Aid Kit, Safety divers training, Captains drills, evac boat and much more. Drone pilots, test dives and so on. We had great help from Cortez Expeditions in La Paz (a local dive and expedition center) but you can also do all this alone.
Do holding your breath for long periods of time in many years causes permanent/temporary brain damage ?	This is a question that I get a lot - and the short answer is no. The reason why is because the body has several defense mechanisms in place that would prevent damage from occurring when holding your breath voluntarily.
	When you do a breath hold of 3 minutes long, you are not in any danger of damaging your brain, as while you hold your breath plenty of oxygen circulates in your body, even though the concentration slowly declines during the breath hold.
	For the first few minutes, there likely will still be over 90% oxygen in your blood. Damage to the brain due to a lack of oxygen occurs only when the oxygen concentration drops under 50% for 4 minutes or longer, or if the blood flow to the brain is blocked (e.g. blood clot or heart attack).
	Technically, it is a lack of oxygen that does the damage, but a voluntary breath hold will not create this situation. If you learn to push past the contractions of the diaphragm and reach a nirvana like state, the worst possible scenario is a blackout. This is why I strongly advise against doing breath holds in water while alone - to prevent drowning.
	It's puzzling that even some doctors and medical professionals are confused by this and state that if you hold your breath for a few minutes you are killing braincells. It's simply not the case.
What's your training regimen for holding your breath?	You know what - I'll let you in on a sneak peak. ;) I have recorded my last physical workout before the training and uploaded it to my channel: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YsjVPF3NN3Y
	It is a combination of physical training, endurance training and lung flexibility training. Note: I also had to swim for this record.
	BUT the most important part of your training is to learn to STAY RELAXED. I have mastered this as I have been doing this for years, but if you are just starting, you want your mind to go quiet, and imagine a very pleasurable memory so you can stay in the zone and not focus on the clock.
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What is your memory here? (hopefully this isn't too personal a question).	It is not necessarily the same memory. It can be thinking about my old home town Aalborg. Biking up a steep hill with my brother. My sweet grandmother that passed away this year. Go with whatever flows as a positive memory and then focus on living that memory during your breath hold.
Is jumping in icy water comfortable for you now? Or do you still get the shock us normal mortals have?	haha - brilliant question. YES, when I have not trained my body and mind for a while I also get the chills;) But of course I have experience and use my slow breathing to stay calm and in control. However, I just lived nearly 3 months in beautiful warm La Paz, Mexico (training for The 2020 Dive/New Official Guinness World Record) - so coming back to Denmark has been a cold experience...haha - But love the cold dips....so refreshing...try it out;)
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Warm-La paz. Jesus as a Mexican those are the coldest water in Mexico,(The entire peninsula that is), I cant tolerate anything less than cancun.	Must go an see Cancun/Tulum soon...Love Mexico and the people - hope to be back soon for more training and adventures (and ceviche and guacamole;).....jejejejejejeje
Thoughts on Wim Hof? You seem to be in a similar profession :)	I think what he does is very interesting. Cold exposure is a great way to step out of your comfort zone.
	As long as it is done safely, I definitely recommend people to experiment with it.
	There are multiple ways that lead to Rome, and I urge everyone to keep an open mind. Try out what works for you.
	The framework that I created, Breatheology, combines various breathing techniques, including hyperventilation/deep breathing, but also many other ways of breathing.
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Also Wim also swam under a frozen lake in just a Speedo. Not to any significant depth but he did.	That is true - In 2010 we had an Ince Winter in Denmark so I trained and beat the Wim Hof record: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n_y8TeORDTY
	Then beat my own record (again) a few years later in Greenland - it is still the current Guinness World Record - maybe a good challenge for you;) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b-Mr1RV3Qxc&t=8s
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I saw that. His actual eyeballs froze and he couldn’t see the hole in the ice he was supposed to swim out of. His. Eyeballs. Froze. Edit: https://conradmagazine.com/interview-daredevil-adventurer-iceman-wim-hof/ There’s a video too where he talks about it. I think it was on Stan Lee’s Superhumans.	Here from Denmark - the dive to beat Wim Hof back in 2010 - but my eye balls did not freeze (but my spine was cold - to the "bone" and I had senseless fingers for a year or two after a times;) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n_y8TeORDTY
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Terrifying!	Ice diving can be beautiful: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b-Mr1RV3Qxc&t=8s
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People not diving into frozen lakes in just speedos is such a weird claim. In Sweden we chop up a hole in the ice and jump in, often naked. Everyone from kids to grannies :P	It is common practice in Denmark too :D (plus I am half Swedish) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7JKvSVFHlPY
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we saw your butt	Sorry about that - in Denmark we all swim nakes together - men and women...natural...viking style;)
What do you mean you can hold your breath for 22 minutes? Are you part whale?	Hi there - The 22 min. was the official Guinness World Record - on this category you pre-oxygenize with 100% pure Oxygen. You can read more on the GWR webiste. All humans share The Mammalian Dive Response (MDR) and can learn to hold our breath longer, relax deeper and stay calm in stressful situations.
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I’d watch David Blaine's Ted talk on holding his breath underwater, he goes pretty in depth about how it’s possible.	Yes, David Blaine did a strong performance - big respect, especially considering he is not a professional/experienced freediver. He had great coaching from Kirk Krack & Team . It is not as easy as it looks on live TV. Funny sidenote - a few years ago David Blaine and Lenny Kravits were playing cards and having drinks with a friend of mine in New York - and David Blaine send a text to congratulate me on the 22 min. Guinness World Record;) Pretty cool dude;)
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Kirk and his team are incredible; they are working on Avatar 2 now. We're proud of them!	They do great work, indeed.....trained with Kirk MAAAAAAANY years back in the Norwegian fiords;) Saw him recently....still going strong;)
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It was one of the most interesting TED talks I've ever seen too, still in my memory from ~2 years ago when I watched it	Indeed - many details on his training and fears to overcome. As I mentioned above - A funny sidenote - a few years ago David Blaine and Lenny Kravits were playing cards and having drinks with a friend of mine in New York - and David Blaine send a text to congratulate me on the 22 min. Guinness World Record;) Pretty cool dude;)
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While 22 minutes is ridiculous, that's in freezing water after breathing 100% O2. His air record is a "mere" 8 minutes 40 seconds, if you want something to compare yourself to.	Yes, very correct...now more likely 9-10 min in training - but about half the time - this is correct. There are many disciplins and styles in freediving. Mainly about length, time and depth.
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Do you have any tips for people who want to practice increasing their Lung capacity?	Absolutely - and you CAN increase your lung capacity (contrary to what most doctors/books will tell you) - and you can increase your respiratory capacity. I have written an entire book about it and created The Breatheology Method - merging Modern Science, Ancient Wisdom & Peak Performance - to use in a simple and hectic world - find more info here and feel free to share: https://www.breatheology.com/
	There are many ways to start to get great improvement if you are currently get out of breath fast.
	Breathe through the nose. Not only do the nose hairs clean the air, nitrogen oxide is created when breathing through the nose which helps the blood vessels expand. (See also here)
	Swimming also helps, as the natural resistance of the water exercises all of your respiratory muscles.
	Yoga and breath training exercises that train the diaphragm, the main breathing muscles, are key.
	You can also use breath resistance trainers (where you blow in a piece of equipment and increase the resistance as it gets easier).
	Good luck :)
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Hold your breath until you can't. Repeat. Only next time do a lil more.	Pretty good and simple tip - do it 3-4 times in a row - but never alone in water - full free course here: https://www.breatheology.com/breath-hold-challenge/
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Does it feel noticeably different doing the 100% oxygen in cold water vs air in warm water?	The dives are done in normal temperature - not ice! Here is one dive of 22 min - I know it says icy water somewhere - some journalist must have misunderstood deeply;) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AqERqQj-ozc&list=LLBwjNsXVJH9hNuYmkfRA0_g&index=1596
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Yes you can go about twice as long	Can you? Are you guessing or have you actually done this/experimented with your own body. If so that is great but please share proof. Don´t just ramble or write stuff if you don´t know what you are talking about. It might be very midleading to some people!
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I was mostly making a joke based on your numbers, but since you took it seriously and replied as such, yes, I am a free diver and am familiar with the cold water reflex. I find I get maybe 25%-40% more time when I’m submerged in cold water. I haven’t dove with oxygen so I can’t say from experience but I think it’s pretty well understood that it would give one an added benefit. As for proof, I’m not going to upload my dive videos just to validate an off-the-cuff comment, but if you’re curious about my performance stats they’re not hugely impressive, as I’m just a recreational diver. I usually can do around 4 minutes inactive breath holding, and 1-1.5 minutes active swimming/diving. But I’m more of a spear fisherman so it’s not so much about length of time as specific skills related to fishing. Anyways, I wasn’t meaning to offend, I literally was making a one-liner response to what sounded like an inane question. Sorry if I ruffled your feathers with my stupid joke.	It seems like you do some ok dives - just be careful during spearfishing. I think often jokes or "self secure" comments are dangerous (and stupid/unintelligent) because they can be taken as "true" or "facts" by someone who is not well versed. That is why I react - not because I feel personally "offended". Just see too many "keyboard warriors" who have no clue what they are talking about and just add little value to (otherwise) meaningful conversations and topics- like this on in Reddit. Thank you.
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This is your AMA, but other people are allowed to comment here as well. They do not need to share proof to participate.	Anyone can and may respond - I am not saying that (see me answer below). But I know the science - I have walked the talk. So when I see crap or things that are not correct, I call them out. To help and protect others. Is that problematic to you ot do you just "shut up" in life in general when you know things are not right! Now THAT is deeply concerning! So YES - You DO need to prove (send "proof"/article/data) to be listened to and ackowledged - that is common sense....
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But with regular air aren't blood cells already saturated at 99%? For healthy people at least.	Very correct, indeed. But when breathing pure oxygen (100%) - and especially under pressure - like my last official Guinness World Record of 22 minutes that I did in London with Discovery Channel and was crowned "The Ultimate Superhuman" - then you also load your tissue and blood (watery part/diluated). Plus even the venous system. Yet, the CO2 built-up is still the same and quite insane - so you need to be able to tolerate very high loads. So (basically) people who say "ohh..this was so easy since it was done on pure oxigen" have no clue what they are actually are talking about and certainly do not know or understand basic human physiology;)
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I’d rather be famous for something else.	What are you famous for - and if not, what would you rather be famous for? And how are you helping people? I am certainly curious to know ans I think are many other people here on Reddit! With this dive (The 2020 Dive) hundreds of million people worldwide are seing the dive and getting the main message of inspiration and to keep dreaming - even in challenging times of Covid-19/Corona and the like. By bestselling book (now as FREE eBook in 10 languags - plus a FREE online brreath course) has already been downloaded and used for betterhealth & performance during the 2020 corona crisis. I am happy, honored and proud to know that my team and I are helping so many people - just my 2 cents....
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Analbox: I used to be able to do 5-6 minutes in high school if I just floated on my stomach motionless. I could do about ~~250~~ 150 yards on one breath if I was swimming full speed. I almost blacked out and drowned trying to do it though. Your mind panics and eventually you take an involuntary breath even if your still under water. The brain just shuts down without O2. 22 minutes under normal circumstances would cause irreparable brain damage. It’s amazing the ice water makes that big of a difference. I can do like 30 seconds maybe. ________________ reecewagner: Is my cardio just garbage or do some people have a reduced lung capacity? ________________ KakkaKarrot: Part of it is mental. When you start feeling pain, you haven't even started to run out of oxygen yet. Your body prioritizes getting the CO2 out first	Very true - and the body (urge to breathe) responds to high CO2 leads - not low oxigen. This is easy to test/prove. Simply slip a Pulsoximeter on your fingertip. Maybe you get the urge to breathe (and start breathing) after 1 minute. But your oxygen saturation might be still above 90% - so you certainly don´t NEED to breathe. But you feel (THINK) you do - so this is why RELAXATION and Mental Control is numero uno. I have created something I call "Slow Motion Thinking" - it is tremendous aid and is part of the Flow state/mind altering state. Try it for yourself;)
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Holding your breath is 90% mental training.	Maybe 80/20 - who knows....my MentoInstructoFriend Umberto Pelizzari gives this distribution. But yes, largely Mental....which is also why freediving/breathing/breath holding techniques can be used by great benefit by EVERYBODY;) Not just divers, athletes or elite soldiers. Take a look a Breatheology - maybe it makes more sense: https://www.breatheology.com/
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I've trained with Umberto too many years ago! I really miss that training and Sardinia. Umberto was great... Maybe I should go back...	Umberto is - and will always be a Legend. I had dinner with him last year and we talked "deeply" on the development of Freediving, breathing, competitions, health and so on. Always a stellar bloke. Go back and train - he is still in Sardinia/Sardegna;) Santa Teresa Di Gallura (Apnea Academy)
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Sharaghe: How does the freezing water help him here? ________________ MendaciousTrump: The Diving Reflex kicks in.	Correct - MDR - we all have this "inner dolphin" as I call it - and we should train to access/activate it - that is what I do with all people I train. In Rehab, Navy SEALS, Olympian Athletes...not just divers/freedivers....."The key to relaxation is in the exhalation";)
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It slows down your metabolism and rate of oxygen use is my assumption.	Exactly - we can all learn to relax more and use less oxygen - stress less;) https://www.breatheology.com/
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Slows the metabolism so oxygen isn't depleted as quickly.	Correct...and high CO2 tolerance;)
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I’m really curious about this, like how does this logistically work especially when exerting oneself? I’ve tried to go to two minutes and I feel like I’m dying.	The main aspect is about RELAXATION - not what first comes to mind. But trust me on this part. That is also why we put so much emphazise on Relaxation (Imagery/Vizualization) BEFORE learning proper breathing and after that breath holding. You can learn a lot more from our main website and also from my book Breatheology - The art of conscious breathing - it is free for the world to downloand as eBook/PDF. Enjoy;) https://www.breatheology.com/free-ebook-covid-19/
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Hi! I have a reduced lung function due to a lung infection I had two years ago. Do you think I can work with your course, too, to improve my lungs health? Or should I talk to a doctor first regarding any risks?	Always consult with a doctomedical professional. But YES - you can certainly leanr to breathe better and more optimized. We have helped thousands of people with COPD, Asthma, Allergies, Lung Cancer etc...You breathe 20 - 30.000 times per day - so make every breath count! As mentioned - speak with your doc - we do not claim to cure, healt or give diagnostics - but many doctors certainly also don´t know anything about breayhing exercises - even less so advice them! Which is a bloody shame...and I am on a mission to change this - Breatheology will change the world - one breath at a time (we are working with the Danish Navy SEALS, Royal Air Force, Rehabilitation Clinics etc - but still a loooong way to go)....
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How long can you hold your breath if you are walking or running?	I did this a lot in Mexico for the training for my latest Guinness World Record - since I was training a lot alone - so a 3 min walk (holding breath) - lighter work, weith training, stretching etc can be 4 minutes. I have also done a 4 min exhale many years ago - just for fun and curiosity;) Slooooooooooooooow and controlled exhale;) Try it!
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Weird to call the link COVID-19	Why weird - we released the book for FREE (in 10 languages) to the world - as well as a FREE Online breath training for Corona Crisis - semms like a pretty accurate name to me! And we are happy and proud to know we have now helped over 400.000 people (who downloaded the eBook) - soon 500.000 - but I would love to have helped 1 million - or more- always big dreams. Just like my recent 202.0m Guinness World Record is getting this important message out. That breathing CAN help you and that you can take control of your life, health and mental state - with simple breathing exercises. I have not seen the WHO, Hospitals/Doctors or Politicians spread this important information - in the middle of a Pandemic!
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Unless you're a heavy smoker or have lung damage, you can reach 3 -3.5 minutes in a week or two practicing only a few basic techniques, and you'll be able to do it comfortably without hurting or pushing through fear or panic. If you want to go longer than that, then the expert tips starts to matter. But to reiterate; You can comfortably reach 3.5 minutes on pure mechanics.	I always say that the real dive starts when the contractions start - which is usually after a few minutes. Getting past the first minute for beginners is generally about learning how to relax. Without being able to relax and control your mind, you can not overcome the mountain, so to speak ;) After that, it becomes about training CO2 tolerance, which is many benefits
	Absolutely correct - completely agree with this person. Here is our FREE 7-days breath hold challenge - feel free to join and share: https://www.breatheology.com/breath-hold-challenge/
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ooli: I don't think he would have been exerting himself on the 22 minute one. Motionless in cold water after loading up on pure o2. The distance swimming record judging by the youtube video of it probably took like 2-3 mins or something. _______________ righthandofdog: Yeah and using a remarkably efficient swimming motion to optimize distance vs breathhold time.	That is the point - correctly;) My fuel is O2;);)
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I’m a 55 year old who has snorkeled my whole life and scuba certified at 15. Watching you really made me start researching monofins and fin-swimming again, so damn natural.	Excellent - thank you for sharing - I am nearly 50 - and if I can inpsire to take up new sports or forgotten dreams - I am a happier man for it;)
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I'm guessing he is breathing pure oxygen a certain amount of time before the breath-hold (not saying that it isn't impressive!).	Yes - Guinness World Record is on PURE Oxygen (max 30 min pre-breath) - that is what this specific discipline is all about. I was the first to break to magical 20 min barrier - in 2010 I held my breath for 20 min 10 secs (like the year) - in a shark tank - also Storytelling - so people can see sharks are not just out to kill/eat you and also to redefine science (human/diving physiology - and neurology) - See part of the dive HERE (you can also find the 22 min GWR I did on Discovery Channel - just go to out Breatheology Channel on YT): (from my old 2010 TED talk): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L9c7tkljd3A
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Yeah this seems physically impossible to me...	Well - we can all find our inner "Superhuman/woman" powers - that is partly why I love doing these records - to inspire but also to prove science wrong (or "update" science on human physiology, anatomy and psychology;)
What made you want to be able to hold your breath for insane amounts of time?	Childhood swimming, traveling the world - becoming a Marine Biologist...plus all the health benefits, feeling strong and now today - blessed to shar emy message witht the world and make people aware of the many benefits of conscious breathing - for Covid-19/Corona, Optimized Health & Performance....Mental calm etc.... more here: https://www.breatheology.com/
How are you not braindead?	Hi Brian, I found my way to your comment - so I can confirm, my brain is still working ;) It's a common misconception that breath holding will cause permanent brain damage. The short answer is that you'll go unconscious when the oxygen levels drop below a certain % (generally around 55%). This is called a black out. In a few minutes, you'll be awake again and your body will stabilize itself. Damage to the brain due to a lack of oxygen occurs only when the oxygen concentration drops under 50% for 4 minutes or longer, or if the blood flow to the brain is blocked (e.g. blood clot or heart attack). Your body goes into blackout to prevent his from happening. Of course, if you are doing breath holding in water, you'll drown. That's why you NEVER want to breath holding in water (even if it is shallow water - like a bath tub) without supervision. I was always accompanied by a professional team in case I would black out.
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you should MAYBE research chronic hypoxia. you’re grossly oversimplifying a pretty complex topic.	Chronic hypoxia is not the same as breath hold training though and is usually caused by a condition such as COPD or sleep apnea.
	The hypoxia that freedivers like me experience and you experience when you hold your breath is a voluntary, temporary condition and balance is restored within a few minutes.
	So far, there are no clear signs that freedivers permanent damage: "Results indicated that the breath-hold divers performed tasks within the average range compared to norms on all tests, suggesting that 1–20 years of repeated exposure to hypoxemia including multiple adverse neurological events did not impact on performance on standard neuropsychological tasks." Source
	Last year, a Nobel Prize was rewarded towards the research of hypoxia and the positive effect is has on cellular level (if done intermittantly - of course). The article can be found here.
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chronic hypoxia is a pretty broad term actually, it’s a bit more subjective than what a quick google search is telling you. in addition you’re characterization of “hypoxia means cells growth” is also disgustingly oversimplified... the research you’re referring to that was awarded**** a nobel prize has implications in aging, cancer, metabolism and more. not just holding your breath.	Take it from someone who has been freediving and holding its breath for over 25 years and have worked with/competed against the top world freedivers - there are many positive benefits to breath holding. That is why I dubbed my TEDx talk Breath Holding is the New Black.
	Science is only starting to catch up what myself and my colleagues have known from own experience. Similar to ancient knowledge such as yoga and pranayama, which are now being scientifically proven as having benefits.
	But thank you for correcting my improper word use (rewarded instead of awarded) and focusing on what matters...
How do us mortals get to your level? How many times did you practice in a day?	The most important qualities are time and patience. Don't go for quick fixes. I see many people use hyperventilation to get to 2 or 3 minutes; but you miss the point as you are not learning how to relax and build CO2 tolerance. You can get started with my free 7-day Breath Hold Challenge
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ok there’s the pitch.	Like I said - in order to improve your breath hold time, you want to train daily. Preferably in the morning. The challenge is simply a little thing I made so you see improvement every day (and for many, a double increase of the breath hold time you started with at Day 1). I can write that out in 7 posts - one for each day - but it is something you just have to do, that's all. No pitch, just a nifty tool ;)
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He actually shared a link above with a free book and a couple videos on it. If you want to learn I'd imagine that's the best place to start.	Indeed - thank you - and here you can see The 2020 Dive;) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EZko1wDGaHc&t=22s
What advice would you give to people who want to practice better self control? Are there any particular insights that come from your mental training?	Start holding your breath on a daily basis. Even if it is just half a minute. Of course, on land and in a safe location. Because when you fight the urge to breath, you are fighting against the strongest reflex possible - life itself. Not only do you increase your CO2 tolerance, but you increase your mental resilience. To get started, I have created a 7-day Breath Hold Challenge where I give various tips. I bet you can double your breath hold time in a week. ;)
Oh, this thread is sure to turn out to be a fascinating one! I've *never* been able to understand how a person reaches the level you've reached. Thank you for doing it. I have two questions, I think a lot of others will want to know as well: 1. If we're looking to increase our lung capacity and oxygen efficiency, are there any programs or training regimens you swear by, or would recommend to a beginner? Or was it as simple a matter as "Just try to hold your breath longer and longer each time you swim." 2. Have you tried Wim Hof? If so, what are your thoughts on it, and if not, why not?	Thank you, Ty. In response to question numbero uno - I have created my own learning platform Breatheology and in the main post you can find a link to the free eBook and breath training course. They contain exercises and the background info on how working with your breath can, among other things, increase your vital lung capacity and increase your oxygen uptake.
	I think what Wim does is very interesting, but I have not trained with him or followed his training methods so I cannot comment on them. We both have many records under our respective names, so both approaches have merit. ;)
Is David blaine legitimate?!?	Sure - I think he did a great dive. To perform a new Guinness World Record LIVE on Oprah is no small task. There are many "keyboard warriors/hero" who would probably claim it is "easy" (because you pre-oxigenate) - funny then, they did not do the (or ANY) record them selves;) I even got a text from David Blaine and Lenny Kravits (they were playing cards with a freind of mine in NYC) and he congratulated me and thought it was awesome I had done 22 minutes Guinness World Records - cool dude - nice thing to do;) - here is my dive - soon 1.5 MIO. views;) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AqERqQj-ozc&index=391&list=LLuXuRrPCAsP6fweZcU-R-xw
what goes through your mind while you’re not breathing?	I employ different mind control techniques... sometimes I go back to my childhood or people I really care about and focus on the colors, smells and sound. Whatever makes you leave your body mentally. When I do the record attempts, I simply let go in my mind and my body does what it needs to do. I may not even remember doing it when I start breathing again ;) You'll find many of these techniques in my free eBook
	Well - first of all it is no so important WHAT you think about but HOW. I have created a technique I call "Slow Motion Thinking" - so basically slowind down the speed....relaxing more, slowing the metabolism/oxygen consumption. But I also feeel my body/movement/rhythm - and/or go to a different place in time and space. When you enter Flow (we all can learn to do so and have tried it in life) - then time expands or the notion of time disappears. You become what you do - a remarkable feeling.
I understand the more you practice holding your breath the more your body can train itself to work with less. But is freezing cold water tolerance the same concept or is it all mentally trained tolerance?	I would say there is a mental aspect to both breath holding and cold tolerance. But the biochemical aspects are different. Breath holding trains your CO2 tolerance and, when doing longer breath holds, increases your overall level of red blood cells. The claims for cold tolerance training that you can suppress your immune system and prevent inflammation. And even the mental aspects are different, in the sense that cold exposure teaches you to control your sympathetic nervous system, while breath holding teaches you to activate your parasympathetic nervous system. The first is not always a great and safe idea for everyone. As you can imagine, it may not be a grand idea to push a 80-year old lady in an ice cold pool. ;)
Do you prefer cold or hot showers?	All showers are warm ;)
The average television sitcom is about 22 minutes long without commercials. Have you ever tried holding your breath for an entire episode of The Office?	Nope - but Friends;) Try for yourself - here is my dive;) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AqERqQj-ozc&index=391&list=LLuXuRrPCAsP6fweZcU-R-xw
Is there anything about you - that you were born with rather than learned - that gives you a physiological advantage in free diving? Is there ANYTHING that can give someone an advantage, or is it purely about discipline and training? Also, as an environmentalist, I’m so grateful for the work that you and others are doing to highlight the importance of 2021 to the planetary crises.	Over the last two decades, I have been a guinea pig for many scientists. We found out that I do have some genes that vary from "normal" people which give me a leg up. But that does not excuse me from training hard and full dedication to achieve mastery. I don't feel different, and the techniques I use can be used by everyone to great effect. :)
[deleted]	In many positive ways (but let us not get into the "wet specifics" of what you can actually do to/with your girlfriend - for 22 minutes....under water...in the Jacuzzi;);););) In general, better breathing also gives you better blood flow - and mind control - so imagine yourself how and when in your sex life that would be of tremendous aid;)
What does your mind do during this time? I have read about Grandmaster chess players losing weight during matches because so many calories/oxygen is going to their brains. I would think you would enter a state of mediation to save that oxygen? That correct?	There are different techniques I use to make myself relaxed and take my mind away from the dive as that is the most important thing.
	The brain uses an enormous amount of oxygen relative to other body parts (20% of the supply). That's why grandmaster chess players lose weight during a multi-day tournament.
	But when breath holding, the body has its own defense mechanism called the Mammalian Dive Response (Diving Reflex). When this kicks in, it reduces the heart rate and restricts the blood transport to the limbs to ensure oxygen transport to the vital organs (including the brain): https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Diving_reflex
Do you have any friends in the sport that have recovered from COVID? If so, how has it affected their performance?	Yes, good question. I have had several people coming bank and reporting positive results from the breath training/Breatheology Method - but also more than 400.000 people have now downloaded the free ebook and gotten the free online course so it would be disappointing if not so;) Some people are affected weeks and months after - the latest peoson I spoke with (from the Danish Royal Air Force that I also train along the Navy SEALS) said he felt improvements in days after starting the breath training. Even some improvements the same day. Many people do not know simple and basic breathing styles (belly breathing/Ujjayi, slow exhale etc) so thay get a tremendous effect immediately. Also the Mental Aspect (keeping yourself calm and feel you are in control) has been reported as a positive by many people.
Who would win in a fight between you and Wim Hoff?	Why on earth would we do that? But if you talk about "competition" that is another story. I beat his Guinness World Record in 2010 after he held it for 10 years: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n_y8TeORDTY
	Then I beat it again (my own) when Discovery Channel made a documentary about my training, record dives and how I help people breathe better worldwide with Breatheology:
	https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b-Mr1RV3Qxc&t=8s
^{the below is another reply to the original question}
Yes, the WHO could scoop massive amounts of data from such a bout...	Well - I have trained with world leading doctors for decades (and have a PhD in medicine). I already presented a lot of data in my bestselling book (now given free to the world after Corona hit - I saw it as my "duty" to provide help). If only WHO could saw the same. They have failed MISERABLY if you ask me. So have doctors and politicians - I never saw ANY breath training advice, technique - NADA - to stay physically and mentally healthy and fit! A disgrace! Here you go: https://www.breatheology.com/
^{the below is another reply to the original question}
We don't encourage violence	Peaceful breathing - yes;)
When you’re swimming in the ocean, what is the scariest thing you’ve encountered?? What goes through your mind when you can no longer see the bottom of the ocean??	It is not "scary" if you love and respect the animals - not even dangerous - would dive anywhere anyday over walking down the street in a ny major city. I love diving with sharks, killer whales, sea lions, sea turtles etc - one of my biggest passions is to take small exclusive groups out to amazing places - Fiji, Maldives, The Red Sea...and introduce them to safe and fun ways to meet the animals of the ocean - see a few examples here in my Masterclass: https://www.breatheology.com/masterclass/
To someone that can’t imagine getting remotely close to 22 minutes without taking a breath, what’s the best way you can describe what that experience feels like?	A dream, Flow, timeless, being our of your body and/or mind. We can all learn these techniques - basically start with RELAXATION;)

Adam Atom

Ugh just kill me
Okay so if you look at the bottom of the black widow spider and you're on drugs you might See A
To explain things while a bunch of men who want to call themselves Creator or something basically I don't know
Crrrreraaaaaaaaazzzyyyyy
Eeeeekkkkkk run Little Lusphur Lored Lite Star Line there after You
Lord Lord Lord some gorilla men eeerkkklkk
Celtics playing Adams Adams well like I say to disguise my name because identity theft to because at one point in time was very well known who the owner of Starline was
So most people thought that this person was a German so they started killing Germans enforcing Germans to sign over property
And of course they blame the black people
Basically the white Yankee Americans they weren't really included anything they weren't Star Line I use Germans an Irishman
Germans look much like Americans or Swedish people.
Except they could aged they would be about I mean. Average German life span was about 280 years easy and they would look about 60 years old the best most clean perfect genetics ever assembled were lemon are a German genetics
It was possible for them to live a thousand years given the right conditions
They did not need muscle enhancement or anyting they would just have toned perfect bodies they were Superior though when they would say that they were Superior I would schanaman and say no do not say that your Superior that is not nice
You can be superior without actually saying it you act Superior you just you never say it though
So you're wondering was this have to do without him okay so two L's put together
L L LJ then switch the two tops together A
This is so a lot of things were originally Lucifer line or 2 L like Lloyd's of London
Ll so anyway the problem is of course the Republicans and Democrats and some people who had muscle enhancement would go and Kidnap My People and then force him to sign property over and do things or kidnap their children or wives and stuff
Or people would conveniently disappear from police departments and the course of police officers would be blamed this caused a lot of problems
Show me what's this have to do with Adams well my symbol is a star a six-pointed star it's actually for
L L L L
So. 36 point star so though they were all these people running around saying things
There were a bunch of men saying that they are Creator or son of Creator I'm trying to say Adam it was Adams Adams. Invented it the great battle of the great this the great that is all fake
Based on the idea that will take you 30 or 20 years or at least some amount of time to realize that the people that I've told you things are completely fake and basically like that stuff that comes out of the back end of people
Human waste anyway and they would sometimes like I say kidnap you were children intimidate you threaten you with being locked up for your whole entire life or just grab you in the middle of the night and smash your hands with hammers mostly this is Yankees and fussy Kennedy or the Yankee high school if you research the Yankee high school and things that happened around Harvard you would see a lot of problems including what look like an epidemic that was actually the uranium eagle
So they called The Maltese Falcon so anyway basically a bunch of people running around saying that it's actually two A
I love the inventor of the universe and particles was actually at home of course there is a straight person named Adam..
It's actually missed translate A hydropower
So to explain how the Republicans and Democrats got into the White House and got to do two different things basically they gave young high-school students at Yankee he's basically there were two schools are three places in the world doing muscle enhancement mostly by German doctors which were trained and would not do too much in America one of these doctors who was kidnapped or held hostage basically and this led to some people trying to create Grill them in the future they couldn't use the perfect stuff anyway I'm getting off topic here
Anyways what they call the God particle and anyway I invented lithium 6 and 7 High infant particles and basically it's all these fake people basically trying to confuse the public confused existence or something I said they think of you pay attention to what the Japanese found out about from John McCain and some other stuff you would probably start to sift through everything and basically it's dinner idea with all this craziness going about you wouldn't you would mistake or not know about me or something and I would die and fall through the cracks anyway Adam it's completely fake long with bell along with like there are quite a few fake male scientists that really weren't scientists they were just mistranslations
Starline or inventor was basically a safe for computer and basically to explain things the Germans and Asians and Irish basically invented most things and then basically America ran over there learned about how to make the things and then basically killed the people that had invented them
I would call it ethnic cleansing or this without her makeup some mix of excuse in the general idea is that if you're in the future you don't really know what happened a few years ago or a hundred years ago except there are ways of finding that out
So like I say you are a very vastly in a sea of deception we're basically nothing is real or nothing is true and basically the ship is filling with fake people
Children running everywhere screaming being afraid crying and Corners women being forced sex and someone saying that they are Lucifer or something where that it's the will of the Lord
Shot him in the head if he cannot die and comes back well he might be something
Like I say I am not for for sex or equality I believe in freedom of speech and even freedom of belief to a point
There is no atom or atoms just like there's no bell or Bill
or what ever fake story they say ugh
( Lord Lord Lord )
Oh here they come again ugh run Little Lusphur Lored Lite Star Line
( Grilla man Lord Lord Lord )
So anyway I tried to place out the facts with a little bit of laughing this do is not a joke and it's not funny it's really horrible basically this is why the Germans were slaughtered and killed they were inventors they sent a bunch of stuff a bunch of Yankee men went over there for sex did all kinds of horrible things and slotted lots of people tried to say that they had invented stuff didn't know how to make the stuff or however stuff work just know how to press buttons and basically it's giant nightmare
Yes there going too kill you or did
You have no rights it's really bad
Make matters worse if you read my words or you know anything about me you probably going to be killed
Anyone who knows anything about me or reads my words when is about my fotograf basically or what I look like pretty much will be killed by the Republicans Or democrats or a hair removed man to cover up the truth
This is why the Germans Asians and many other people were killed they cannot actually resurrect you there is no rebirth they cannot do anything they have no one right or access to any of the money and basically eventually you're going to figure that out about when you're eighty and by then I'll be too late
To explain things basically Rodney and Rick Bush wanted to do the end of days the end of time or something like that like I said the bunch of people that were on drugs
LSD between 1925 and 1950 basically you people got very high and started thinking some really crazy stupid shit
Needless to say if it wasn't for the Germans Russians and Chinese and also Middle Easterns you would already be dead I would probably be a lot better off I don't think I can die
I'm 8000 trillion years old America is like holding me hostage
So so anyway while I've been Brian Nathanial Alexander Briley someone's been running around trying to say that there of Lucifer
Oh best way to attract the attention of 7 to 14 life-form types 14 of the Galaxy Spears and a Galaxy sphere in this galaxy
Say think Lucifer Or sellestail or LesseL or vessel
Sea
Those words only came from one person and one person only
So call Rick Bush really didn't know they me this like saying Industriel
Or line or air
So anyway there's a very large Galaxy Sierra not to mention 14 life-form types
It's really only men are humans that wanted to kill me so
Any way ELLO
Inventor Lusphur Lored Lite Star Line
Anyway I know that I said this is about Adam and it is about Adam basically well I am not going to say that I'm Adam I invented particles and genetics
L L my symbol is 4 L star Sphere
The symbol on the bottom of the black widow spider
So so lot of people thought that they could just kill me isolate me or discredit me or say that there are more of them that believed something anyway like I said it's really crazy
I'm 8000 trillion years Ancient Ancient Ancient and you know um um I'm A bit Legindary to be arguing with a bunch of people with guns and what does shoot you in the back or kidnap you in the middle of night or hold your son or daughter hostage or your wife or threatening you
So um you know put the gun on the table
And 260 billion years you're going to figure it out eventually like I said there is no hope this is the last bit of Truth he will ever know
They're going to use technology in the abuse of technology to do many horrible things to you
I'm Vary happy I'm galaxy sphere senter of the galaxy
So there isn't a lot that they can do to me I mean they punish me they hurt me for Thousand Years mostly humans they deceived other humans and they punish me I forgave the people who actually hurt me I mean the people that directly hurt me because they were deceived the other people like Rick Bush and Min it turned out it was Rick Bush or someone behind they lost their hair for it
As soon as they thought I was dead or they knew I was dead they start calling themselves Celeste you then industrialists Anderson. And you didn't realize that I wasn't dead exactly
So well
Um um um soooo anyway

funny jokes about swedish video

The 17 funniest expressions in Swedish (and how to use them) Languages Student Work Sweden. Photo: Iryna Inshyna/Shutterstock. Madelaine Triebe. Dec 18, 2016. 1. A Swede doesn’t tell someone to “take a hike”… he tells someone to “throw themselves in the wall.” Släng dig i väggen) 2. A Swede doesn’t “beat around the bush”… he “walks like the cat around hot porridge Short Sweden Jokes Why don't Scandinavians need sugar? Because they already have artificial Swedeners. How does every Swedish joke start? By looking over your shoulder. Whats the difference between a smart Swede and a unicorn? Nothing, they're both fictional characters Why wasn't Jesus born in Sweden? He couldn't find 3 wise men or a virgin. What time was it when the monster ate the Prime Swedish jokes that are not only about icelander but actually working danish puns like Swedish Man What s and Sven and Ole joke do your best Swedish accent when reading their lines. The Best 82 Swedish Jokes . Following is our collection of Swedish jokes which are very funny. There are some swedish sweden jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time Tags: jokes about Swedes and Sweden. Keep learning Swedish with us! Build vocabulary, practice pronunciation, and more with Transparent Language Online. Available anytime, anywhere, on any device. Try it Free Find it at your Library. Share this: Share. Tweet . Comments: Jennifer: Fascinating. Some of these are good things to know for my trip to Sweden this summer! Luke: “You take your shoes We collected only funny Swedish jokes around the web. Enjoy the best Swedish jokes ever! A big list of swedish jokes! 96 of them, in fact! Sourced from Reddit, Twitter, and beyond! Swedish Jokes. English: A dog. Swedish: What? English: The dog. English: Two dogs. Swedish: Okay. We have: En hund, hunden, Två hundar, hundarna. German: Wait, I wan’t to try it too! English: No, go away. Swedish: No one invited you. read more. There were 3 crews that worked for a telephone pole Short Swedish Jokes There was a fire in the royal library in Stockholm, and the king was utterly depressed because both books were burned and he'd only gotten around to painting in one of them. There were these two Swedish twins who looked so incredibly alike, that sometimes they borrowed money from each other without the other really knowing about it. Funny joke collection stats: 142,806 jokes 59,447 thumbs up 5,448 active users 2605 visitors online 3,871 topics 10,697 humor websites 40,653 humor links Related Topics

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The Muppet Show Swedish Chef Compilation - Part 2 - YouTube

A learned a little bit of Swedish..Watch the full special "I Come in Peace" here:Amazon: http://amzn.to/2tsn3I3iTunes: http://apple.co/2tTxOpSSubscribe to my... I put together ten of the most funny commercials that made me laugh and that are also famous, that have written history so to say. You find the description b... this video is sponsored by squarespace. for 10% off your first purchase, go to http://squarespace.com/jennymustard and use offer code jennymustard at checkou... Very good for you alarmclock.P.S For all the captains obvious downthere in the comments. Chillax captain, everybody knows its Portsmouth Sinfonia... And for ... Nathan Drake along with his gang often throw some jokes since the Drake's Fortune. Here is my compilation of the best jokes from the series since Drake's For... The Swedish Chef is my favorite Muppet so Enjoy!Part 1 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YN1hL9cn7s0Part 3 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MxhyxpN-thI&t=4s I put together ten funny commercials from Europe that I found on Youtube and that I liked. It is my selection just for fun and I hope you enjoy it too. Tell ... Simon Talbot discusses differences in performing in Denmark and in England, being raised as a Jehovah's witness, and his unique accent.Follow the show on Twi... Swedish Woman quizzes American Wife on Swedish Culture (Funny) - Duration: 12:30. This Colorful World 139,667 views. 12:30. 17 Weird Things Swedish People Do !!

Swedish Jokes - Short Hilarious Jokes

funny jokes about swedish

funny jokes about swedish - win

Remember the funny video with Proof and Eminem joking about the Swedish beer Åbro calling it EY BRO? Well guess what! Now 12 years later the same beer company is making the actual beer "EY BRO" and dedicating it to the YouTube-video from 2008! Swedish link to article and YouTube-video in comments

Real story behind Dolly/Jaws falling in love

Every GUN in phantom forces with the most absurdly ridiculous names ever

21 [F4M]/[F4F] Mexico/Anywhere Local Spinster Desperately Trying Not To Die Alone

I am 25 years old, make $63,000, live in Chicago, IL and work as a speech-language pathologist in schools.

Better Know the Ones Left Off the Ballot #3: Dan Uggla

Dan Uggla

ALL weapons in phantom forces summarized by an idiot

[Sat, Jan 30 2021] TL;DR — This is what you missed in the last 24 hours on Reddit

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Random Subreddit of the day: familyguy

[Table] I just set the Guinness World Record for longest distance swim in the ocean on a single breath. I also hold the record for longest freedive under ice on a single breath in speedos and can hold my breath for 22 minutes. Ask me anything! (pt 1/2)

Adam Atom

funny jokes about swedish video

funny jokes about swedish top

The Muppet Show Swedish Chef Compilation - Part 2 - YouTube