The Russia Mafia is part and parcel of Russian intelligence. Russia is a mafia state. That is not a metaphor. Putin is head of the Mafia. So the fact that they have deep ties to Donald Trump is deeply disturbing. Trump conducted FIVE completely private meetings and conferences with Putin, and has gone to great lengths to prevent literally anyone, even people in his administration, from learning what was discussed.
According to an ex-KGB spy...Russia has been cultivating Trump as an asset for 40 years.
Trump was first compromised by the Russians in the 80s. In 1984, the Russian Mafia began to use Trump real estate to launder money.
In 1984, David Bogatin — a convicted Russian mobster and close ally of Semion Mogilevich, a major Russian mob boss — met with Trump in Trump Tower right after it opened. Bogatin bought five condos from Trump at that meeting. Those condos were later seized by the government, which claimed they were used to launder money for the Russian mob.
“During the ’80s and ’90s, we in the U.S. government repeatedly saw a pattern by which criminals would use condos and high-rises to launder money,” says Jonathan Winer, a deputy assistant secretary of state for international law enforcement in the Clinton administration. “It didn’t matter that you paid too much, because the real estate values would rise, and it was a way of turning dirty money into clean money. It was done very systematically, and it explained why there are so many high-rises where the units were sold but no one is living in them.”
When Trump Tower was built, as David Cay Johnston reports in The Making of Donald Trump, it was only the second high-rise in New York that accepted anonymous buyers.
In 1987, the Soviet ambassador to the United Nations, Yuri Dubinin, arranged for Trump and his then-wife, Ivana, to enjoy an all-expense-paid trip to Moscow to consider business prospects.
A short while later he made his first call for the dismantling of the NATO alliance. Which would benefit Russia.
At the beginning of 1990 Donald Trump owed a combined $4 billion to more than 70 banks, with $800 million personally guaranteed by his own assets, according to Alan Pomerantz, a lawyer whose team led negotiations between Trump and 72 banks to restructure Trump’s loans. Pomerantz was hired by Citibank.
Interview with Pomerantz
Trump agreed to pay the bond lenders 14% interest, roughly 50% more than he had projected, to raise $675 million. It was the biggest gamble of his career. Trump could not keep pace with his debts. Six months later, the Taj defaulted on interest payments to bondholders as his finances went into a tailspin.
In July 1991, Trump’s Taj Mahal filed for bankruptcy.
So he bankrupted a casino? What about Ru...
The Trump Taj Mahal casino broke anti-money laundering rules 106 times in its first year and a half of operation in the early 1990s, according to the IRS in a 1998 settlement agreement.
The casino repeatedly failed to properly report gamblers who cashed out $10,000 or more in a single day, the government said."The violations date back to a time when the Taj Mahal was the preferred gambling spot for Russian mobsters living in Brooklyn, according to federal investigators who tracked organized crime in New York City. They also occurred at a time when the Taj Mahal casino was short on cash and on the verge of bankruptcy."
....ssia
So by the mid 1990s Trump was then at a low point of his career. He defaulted on his debts to a number of large Wall Street banks and was overleveraged. Two of his businesses had declared bankruptcy, the Trump Taj Mahal Casino in Atlantic City and the Plaza Hotel in New York, and the money pit that was the Trump Shuttle went out of business in 1992. Trump companies would ultimately declare Chapter 11 bankruptcy two more times.
Trump was $4 billion in debt after his Atlantic City casinos went bankrupt. No U.S. bank would touch him. Then foreign money began flowing in through Deutsche Bank.
The extremely controversial Deutsche Bank. The Nazi financing, Auschwitz building, law violating, customer misleading, international currency markets manipulating, interest rate rigging, Iran & others sanctions violating, Russian money laundering, salvation of Donald J. Trump.
The agreeing to a $7.2 billion settlement with with the U.S. Department of Justice over its sale and pooling of toxic mortgage securities and causing the 2008 financial crisis bank.
The appears to have facilitated more than half of the $2 trillion of suspicious transactions that were flagged to the U.S. government over nearly two decades bank.
The embroiled in a $20b money-laundering operation, dubbed the Global Laundromat. The launders money for Russian criminals with links to the Kremlin, the old KGB and its main successor, the FSB bank.
That bank.
Three minute video detailing Trump's debts and relationship with Deutsche Bank
In 1998, Russia defaulted on $40 billion in debt, causing the ruble to plummet and Russian banks to close. The ensuing financial panic sent the country’s oligarchs and mobsters scrambling to find a safe place to put their money. That October, just two months after the Russian economy went into a tailspin, Trump broke ground on his biggest project yet.
Directly across the street from the United Nations building.
Russian Linked-Deutsche Bank arranged to lend hundreds of millions of dollars to finance Trump’s construction of a skyscraper next to the United Nations.
Construction got underway in 1999.
Units on the tower’s priciest floors were quickly snatched up by individual buyers from the former Soviet Union, or by limited liability companies connected to Russia. “We had big buyers from Russia and Ukraine and Kazakhstan,” sales agent Debra Stotts told Bloomberg. After Trump World Tower opened, Sotheby’s International Realty teamed up with a Russian real estate company to make a big sales push for the property in Russia. The “tower full of oligarchs,” as Bloomberg called it, became a model for Trump’s projects going forward. All he needed to do, it seemed, was slap the Trump name on a big building, and high-dollar customers from Russia and the former Soviet republics were guaranteed to come rushing in.
New York City real estate broker Dolly Lenz told USA TODAY she sold about 65 condos in Trump World at 845 U.N. Plaza in Manhattan to Russian investors, many of whom sought personal meetings with Trump for his business expertise.
“I had contacts in Moscow looking to invest in the United States,” Lenz said. “They all wanted to meet Donald. They became very friendly.”Lots of Russian and Eastern European Friends. Investing lots of money. And not only in New York.
Miami is known as a hotspot of the ultra-wealthy looking to launder their money from overseas. Thousands of Russians have moved to Sunny Isles. Hundreds of ultra-wealthy former Soviet citizens bought Trump properties in South Florida. People with really disturbing histories investing millions and millions of dollars. Igor Zorin offers a story with all the weirdness modern Miami has to offer: Russian cash, a motorcycle club named after Russia’s powerful special forces and a condo tower branded by Donald Trump.
Thanks to its heavy Russian presence, Sunny Isles has acquired the nickname “Little Moscow.”
From an interview with a Miami based Siberian-born realtor... “Miami is a brand,” she told me as we sat on a sofa in the building’s huge foyer. “People from all over the world want property here.” Developers were only putting up luxury properties because they “know that the crisis has not affected people with money,”
Most of her clients are Russian—there are now three direct flights per week between Moscow and Miami—and increasing numbers are moving to Florida after spending a few years in London first. “It’s a money center, and it’s a lot easier to get your money there than directly to the US, because of laws and tax issues,” she said. “But after your money has been in London for a while, you can move it to other places more easily.”
In the 2000s, Trump turned to licensing deals and trademarks, collecting a fee from other companies using the Trump name. This has allowed Trump to distance himself from properties or projects that have failed or encountered legal trouble and provided a convenient workaround to help launch projects, especially in Russia and former Soviet states, which bear Trump’s name but otherwise little relation to his general business.
Enter Bayrock Group, a development company and key Trump real estate partner during the 2000s. Bayrock partnered with Trump in 2005 and invested an incredible amount of money into the Trump organization under the legal guise of licensing his name and property management. Bayrock was run by two investors:
Felix Sater, a Russian-born mobster who served a year in prison for stabbing a man in the face with a margarita glass during a bar fight, pleaded guilty to racketeering as part of a mafia-driven "pump-and-dump" stock fraud and then escaped jail time by becoming a highly valued government informant. He was an important figure at Bayrock, notably with the Trump SoHo hotel-condominium in New York City, and has said under oath that he represented Trump in Russia and subsequently billed himself as a senior Trump advisor, with an office in Trump Tower. He is a convict who became a govt cooperator for the FBI and other agencies. He grew up with Micahel Cohen --Trump's disbarred former "fixer" attorney. Cohen's family owned El Caribe, which was a mob hangout for the Russian Mafia in Brooklyn. Cohen had ties to Ukrainian oligarchs through his in-laws and his brother's in-laws. Felix Sater's father had ties to the Russian mob.
Tevfik Arif, a Kazakhstan-born former "Soviet official" who drew on bottomless sources of money from the former Soviet republic. Arif graduated from the Moscow Institute of Trade and Economics and worked as a Soviet trade and commerce official for 17 years before moving to New York and founding Bayrock. In 2002, after meeting Trump, he moved Bayrock’s offices to Trump Tower, where he and his staff of Russian émigrés set up shop on the twenty-fourth floor.
Arif was offering him a 20 to 25 percent cut on his overseas projects, he said, not to mention management fees. Trump said in the deposition that Bayrock’s Tevfik Arif “brought the people up from Moscow to meet with me,”and that he was teaming with Bayrock on other planned ventures in Moscow. The only Russians who are likely have the resources and political connections to sponsor such ambitious international deals are the corrupt oligarchs.
In 2005, Trump told The Miami Herald “The name has brought a cachet to certain areas that wouldn’t have had it,” Dezer said Trump’s name put Sunny Isles Beach on the map as a classy destination — and the Trump-branded condo units sold “10 to 20 percent higher than any of our competitors, and at a faster pace.”“We didn’t have any foreclosures or anything, despite the crisis.”
In a 2007 deposition that was part of his unsuccessful defamation lawsuit against reporter Timothy O’Brien Trump testified "that Bayrock was working their international contacts to complete Trump/Bayrock deals in Russia, Ukraine, and Poland. He testified that “Bayrock knew the investors” and that “this was going to be the Trump International Hotel and Tower in Moscow, Kiev, Istanbul, et cetera, and Warsaw, Poland.”
In 2008, Donald Trump Jr. gave the following statement to the “Bridging U.S. and Emerging Markets Real Estate” conference in Manhattan: “[I]n terms of high-end product influx into the United States, Russians make up a pretty disproportionate cross-section of a lot of our assets; say in Dubai, and certainly with our project in SoHo and anywhere in New York. We see a lot of money pouring in from Russia.”
In July 2008, Trump sold a mansion in Palm Beach for $95 million to Dmitry Rybolovlev, a Russian oligarch. Trump had purchased it four years earlier for $41.35 million. The sale price was nearly $54 million more than Trump had paid for the property. This was the height of the recession when all other property had plummeted in value. Must be nice to have so many Russian oligarchs interested in giving you money.
In 2013, Trump went to Russia for the Miss Universe pageant “financed in part by the development company of a Russian billionaire Aras Agalarov.… a Putin ally who is sometimes called the ‘Trump of Russia’ because of his tendency to put his own name on his buildings.” He met with many oligarchs. Timeline of events. Flight records show how long he was there.
Video interview in Moscow where Trump says "...China wanted it this year. And Russia wanted it very badly." I bet they did.
Also in 2013, Federal agents busted an “ultraexclusive, high-stakes, illegal poker ring” run by Russian gangsters out of Trump Tower. They operated card games, illegal gambling websites, and a global sports book and laundered more than $100 million. A condo directly below one owned by Trump reportedly served as HQ for a “sophisticated money-laundering scheme” connected to Semion Mogilevich.
In 2014, Eric Trump told golf reporter James Dodson that the Trump Organization was able to expand during the financial crisis because “We don’t rely on American banks. We have all the funding we need out of Russia. I said, 'Really?' And he said, 'Oh, yeah. We’ve got some guys that really, really love golf, and they’re really invested in our programmes. We just go there all the time.’”
A 2015 racketeering case against Bayrock, Sater, and Arif, and others, alleged that: “for most of its existence it [Bayrock] was substantially and covertly mob-owned and operated,” engaging “in a pattern of continuous, related crimes, including mail, wire, and bank fraud; tax evasion; money laundering; conspiracy; bribery; extortion; and embezzlement.” Although the lawsuit does not allege complicity by Trump, it claims that Bayrock exploited its joint ventures with Trump as a conduit for laundering money and evading taxes. The lawsuit cites as a “Concrete example of their crime, Trump SoHo, [which] stands 454 feet tall at Spring and Varick, where it also stands monument to spectacularly corrupt money-laundering and tax evasion.”
In 2016, the Trump Presidential Campaign was helped by Russia.
(I don't have the presidential term sourced yet. I'll post an update when I do. I'm sure you probably remember most of them...sigh. TY to the main posters here. Obviously I'm standing on your shoulders having taken a lot of the information or articles from here).

Welcome to the results of the Imagine Dragons Subreddit Survey 2021. I hope the results will help everyone get a better idea of the demographics and tastes of this subreddit and also realise how much they have changed in a year.

We got 294 responses this year. An increase from last year's 250.

Gender

1. 236 males (80.3 percent)
   
2. 51 females (17.3 percent)
   
3. 5 Non Binary (1.7 percent)
   
4. 2 Other (0.68 percent)
   

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Age

1. 150 people in the age group 15-19 (51 percent)
   
2. 108 people in the age group 20-24 (36.7 percent)
   
3. 17 people in the age group 10-14 (5.8 percent)
   
4. 15 people in the age group 25-29 (5.19 percent)
   
5. 2 people in the age group 30-39
   
6. 1 person in the age group 40-49
   
7. 1 person in the age group 50 and above
   

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Country

1. USA - 142 (49.1 percent)
   
2. UK - 22 (7.6 percent)
   
3. Canada - 15 (5.2 percent)
   
4. Netherlands - 14 (4.8 percent)
   
5. Brazil - 11 (3.8 percent)
   
6. Mexico - 10
   
7. India - 8
   
8. Poland - 7 = Spain - 7
   
9. New Zealand - 5 = Portugal - 5
   
10. Australia - 4 = France - 4 = Germany - 4
    
11. Italy - 3 = Norway - 3
    
12. Egypt - 2 = Romania - 2
    
13. Argentina - 1 = Austria - 1 = Bangladesh - 1 = Belarus - 1 = Belize - 1 = Chile - 1 = Croatia - 1 = Czech Republic - 1 = Denmark - 1 = Georgia - 1 = Hungary - 1 = Iran - 1 = Israel - 1 = Jordan - 1 = Kosovo - 1 = Luxembourg - 1 = Malaysia - 1 = Paraguay - 1 = Philippines - 1 = Russia - 1 = Singapore - 1 = Switzerland - 1 = Syria - 1 = Thailand - 1 = Turkey - 1 = Yemen - 1
    

When did people join this subreddit?

1. 2020 (90)
   
2. 2019 (76)
   
3. 2018 (52)
   
4. 2017 (28)
   
5. 2021 (20)
   
6. 2016 (14)
   
7. 2015 (6) = 2014 (6)
   
8. 2013 (1) = 2012 (1) => An OG, please reveal yourself in the comments (asking for the second time)
   

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What do you mostly do in this subreddit?

1. Lurk (164)
   
2. Rarely comment and post (58)
   
3. Only comment (41)
   
4. Comment and post sometimes (28)
   
5. Comment and post often (10)
   

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First Imagine Dragons song heard by people

1. Radioactive (154)
   
2. It's Time (43)
   
3. Demons (31)
   
4. On Top Of The World (22)
   
5. Believer (9)
   
6. Thunder (5)
   
7. Bleeding Out (3) = I Bet My Life (3) = Shots (3) = Natural (3)
   
8. I Need A Minute (2) = Hear Me (2) = Selene (2) = Amsterdam (2)
   
9. All Eyes (1) = 30 Lives (1) = Tiptoe (1) = Battle Cry (1) = Warriors (1) = Gold (1) = Smoke and Mirrors (1) = It Comes Back To You (1) = Whatever It Takes (1) = Dancing in the Dark (1)
   

Favourite Imagine Dragons song

1. Amsterdam (23)
   
2. Shots (20)
   
3. The Fall (16)
   
4. Hopeless Opus (12)
   
5. It's Time (11)
   
6. Demons (10)
   
7. Dream (9)
   
8. I'm So Sorry (8) = I Don't Know Why = Nothing Left to Say = Radioactive = Thief
   
9. Bad Liar (7) = Polaroid
   
10. Birds (6) = Bleeding Out (6)
    
11. Friction (5) = Hear Me (5) = Whatever it Takes (5)
    
12. 30 Lives (4) = All Eyes (4) = Cover Up (4) = Ready Aim Fire (4) = Selene (4) = The River (4)
    
13. America (3) = Believer (3) = Bullet in a Gun (3) = Emma (3) = Gold (3) = I'll Make it Up To You (3) = It Comes Back to You (3) = Natural (3) = Next To Me (3) = Rise Up (3) = Smoke and Mirrors (3) = Warriors (3)
    
14. Battle Cry (2) = Burn Out (2) = Cha-Ching (2) = Curse (2) = Destination (2) = Drive (2) = Mouth of the River (2) = Round and Round (2) = Second Chances (2) = Starlight (2) = Tiptoe (2) = Walking the Wire (2) = West Coast (2) = Yesterday (2)
    
15. Born to be Yours (1) = Cool Out (1) = I Need a Minute (1) = I Was Me (1) = Leave Me (1) = Living Musical (1) = Lost Cause (1) = Love (1) = Machine (1) = Monster (1) = My Fault (1) = On Top of the World (1) = Only (1) = Pantomime (1) = Real Life (1) = Roots (1) = Stuck (1) = Summer (1) = The Unknown (1) = Thunder (1) = Trouble (1) = Uptight (1) = Who We Are (1) = Zero (1)
    

Favourite Album

1. Smoke+Mirrors (152)
   
2. Night Visions (82)
   
3. Evolve (41)
   
4. Origins (19)
   

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Favourite EP

1. It's Time EP (118)
   
2. Hell and Silence EP (75)
   
3. Imagine Dragons EP (52)
   
4. Continued Silence (34)
   
5. Speak To Me (15)
   

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Favourite Music Video

1. Shots (33)
   
2. Radioactive (31)
   
3. I Bet My Life (25)
   
4. On Top of the World (24)
   
5. Next To Me (20)
   
6. Natural (19)
   
7. Birds (17) = Whatever it Takes (17)
   
8. Gold (15)
   
9. Demons (13)
   
10. Believer (11) = Roots (11)
    
11. Zero (10)
    
12. It's Time (9)
    
13. Nothing Left to Say (8)
    
14. Thunder (7)
    
15. Pantomime (5)
    
16. Tokyo (4)
    
17. Amsterdam (3)
    
18. America (2) = Born to be Yours (2) = The River (2) = Uptight (2) = Warriors (2)
    
19. Bad Liar (1) = Sucker For Pain (1)
    

Favourite Band Member

1. Dan Reynolds (198)
   
2. Wayne Sermon (35)
   
3. Daniel Platzman (34)
   
4. Ben McKee (18)
   
5. Brittany Tolman (3)
   
6. Andrew Beck (2) = Theresa Flaminio (2)
   
7. Aurora Florence (1)
   
8. Dave Lemke (1)
   

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Favourite Touring Member

1. Ryan Walker (150)
   
2. Elliot Shwartzman (92)
   
3. Will Wells (52)
   

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Favourite cover

1. Blank Space (35)
   
2. I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles) (33)
   
3. Mad World (32)
   
4. Forever Young (23)
   
5. Stand By Me (22)
   
6. Hand In My Pocket (20)
   
7. Stolen Dance (16)
   
8. I Love You All The Time (15)
   
9. White Christmas (10)
   
10. Song 2 (9)
    
11. Lovesong (8)
    
12. Smells Like Teen Spirit (7) = Lean on Me (7)
    
13. Semi-Charmed Life (6) = With Or Without You (6)
    
14. Wonderwall (4) = Revolution (4) = I Won't Back Down (4) = Rock You Like a Hurricane (4)
    
15. Creep (4)
    
16. Time To Pretend (3) = Three Little Birds (3) = Not Giving In (3) = Cielito Lindo (3) = Every Breath You Take (3)
    
17. Toxic (2) = Crazy (2) = Rodeo Clowns (2) = All These Things That I've Done (1) = Short Skirt / Long Jacket (1) = Hang Me Up to Dry (1) = Tom Sawyer (1)
    

Favourite artist other than Imagine Dragons

1. Twenty One Pilots (22)
   
2. Bastille (20)
   
3. Coldplay (16)
   
4. OneRepublic (14)
   
5. Muse (10)
   
6. AJR (9)
   
7. The Score (8)
   
8. Linkin Park (6)
   
9. Panic! At the Disco (5)
   
10. Avicii (4) = Eminem (4) = My Chemical Romance (4) = Post Malone (4) = Radiohead (4)
    
11. Taylor Swift (3) = The Weeknd (3)
    
12. AWOLNATION (2) = Ed Sheeran (2) = Fall Out Boy (2) = Florence + The Machine (2) = Foals (2) = Foo Fighters (2) = Gojira (2) = Jon Bellion (2) = Kanye West (2) = Logic (2) = NF (2) = Queen (2) = Red Hot Chilli Peppers (2) = Royal Blood (2) = The Strokes (2) = Vampire Weekend (2) = X Ambassadors (2) = Zayde Wolf (2)
    
13. AC/DC (1) = Airborne Toxic Event (1) = All Time Low (1) = Arctic Monkeys (1) = Ariana Grande (1) = AURORA (1) = Aviators (1) = Babymetal (1) = Barenaked Ladies (1) = Ben Rector (1) = Bleachers (1) = Bo Burnham (1) = Brandi Carlile (1) = Brian Eno (1) = Calum Scott (1) = Capital Cities (1) = Carly Rae Jepsen (1) = Carolina Liar (1) = Cavetown (1) = Childish Gambino (1) = Conan Gray (1) = Dayseeker (1) = DAY6 (1) = Dreamers (1) = Dream Theater (1) = Dropkick Murphys (1) = Duran Duran (1) = Egyptian (1) = Einar Selvik (1) = Faint (1) = Franz Ferdinand (1) = Gorillaz (1) = Grouplove (1) = grandson (1) = Half Alive (1) = Halsey (1) = Heux (1) = Hideki Taniuchi (1) = Hippocampus (1) = Jack Antonoff (1) = Jack Stauber (1) = Jake Scott (1) = James Young (1) = Juice WLRD (1) = Katie Herzig (1) = Keane (1) = Kendrick Lamar (1) = Kensington (1) = Keshi (1) = King Gizzard (1) = Klayton (1) = Kygo (1) = Lana Del Rey (1) = Lauv (1) = Led Zeppelin (1) = Lewis Capaldi (1) = Lewis Del Mar (1) = Lindsey Stirling (1) = LOONA (1) = Lorde (1) = Louis Tomlinson (1) = Low Roar (1) = Maggie Lindemann (1) = MAMAMOO (1) = Manolo Garcia (1) = MARINA (1) = Maroon 5 (1) = Metric (1) = MILA (Liam Haygarth) (1) = Mitski (1) = Molchat Doma (1) = Mumford and Sons (1) = Niall Horan (1) = Nickelback (1) = Nirvana (1) = Nothing But Thieves (1) = nothing,nowhere. (1) = Oasis (1) = Of Monsters and Men (1) = Oh Wonder (1) = Oliver Tree (1) = ONE OK ROCK (1) = Pale Waves (1) = PARTYNEXTDOOR (1) = Pink Floyd (1) = RADWIMPS (1) = Rammstein (1) = Rav (1) = Rex Orange County (1) = Rick Astley (1) = Ritviz (1) = Run The Jewels (1) = Sabaton (1) = Shawn Mendes (1) = Shinedown (1) = Simon Groß (1) = Sin Shake Sin (1) = Smallpools (1) = Starset (1) = Streetlight Manifesto (1) = Swans (1) = System of a Down (1) = Tame Impala (1) = TheFatRat (1) = The Beatles (1) = The Driver Era (1) = The Eagles (1) = The Killers (1) = The Lumineers (1) = The Script (1) = The Unlikely Candidates (1) = The War on Drugs (1) = Tool (1) = U2 (1) = Volbeat (1) = WALK THE MOON (1) = Weezer (1) = Wilbur Soot (1) = WOS (1) = Yes (1) = Yoke Lore (1) = YUNGBLUD (1) [Not Sure/None] (4)
    

Do people own Imagine Dragons merch?

1. Yes (157)
   
2. No (137)
   

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Have people attended an Imagine Dragons concert?

1. No (159)
   
2. Yes (135)
   

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Thank you to everyone who participated. Looking forward for next year's survey.

He’s legally not allowed to make Mar-A-Lago his residence, having signed paperwork to that effect way back in 1993. The people of Palm Beach looked the other way during his presidency, but now they wrote to the Secret Service saying they don’t want him living there. And a Redditor from NYC said the locals will so boo the fuck out of hin if he tries to come back there, that he’d never dare to make NY state his residence again (never mind the charges being prepared against him).
So where would he go? Blue CA, Blue IL, Blue NV, Atlantic City? all unlikely. Maybe TX, but I’m going to bet that he decides that anywhere in the USA is a tiny bit too close to the grasping fingers of the law, and (mistakenly) think that Daddy Vladdy P is a friend who’ll welcome him to share caviar, hookers and shirtless horse rides.
In fact, I have repeatedly added that, if he does get to Russia, I expect his fate to involve a dose of poison or a fall out of a window, or both. Shall we wait and see?

FIRST CHAPTER PREVIOUS CHAPTER
“Jackson Dupont,” the teacher called out.
“Here,” the student replied.
It was an easy scenario, an easy call and response, she’s done it a thousand times in recruit training. RDC’s calling out a midshipman’s name and the midshipman calls back Sir or Ma’am.
“Jason Linford,” the teacher called.
“Here,” the student replied.
Here’s the rub, this entire conversation had to be done in Shil. You spoke English, you got points docked. One of Milk’s cousins had compared it to immersion teaching and another called it an alien Residency School.
“Aoi… Oia… hmm...” The teacher began.
Milk sighed, “Aoibhinn, Ma’am.” Milk called out in heavily accented Shil, “Ay-veen,” she slowly said, sounding her name out. The teacher nodded.
“Ay-veen McDermott.” The tall, purple skinned woman called.
“Here.” Milk said with a deep sigh. Even aliens couldn't get her right name after a few dozen classes. Sure they weren’t mandatory, but all the high paying jobs required a fluency in Shil. Subtle.
Milk was never one for languages, French evaded her and Irish was never her strong suit, but this mess with Shil brought it to another level. 16 different declensions, 21 tenses, but luckily no gendered words. Thank god. Cookie, the bastard, took to the language like a fish to water. He’d always been good at that sort of thing.
Milk sat back, tapping her pencil against her notebook. Some of the other students in the class were using the fancy Xenotech Omni-slate, but the rest of the peasants had to do with pen and paper.
She was never one for sitting still, lord only knows how she made it through the Naval Academy, but she did. All that stress, all those nerves, all those fidgets go away once she sat in a WSO seat though. It’s been a year since her wings were clipped and she couldn't wait to get back into the air. Cookie had found a career path flying supplies between nations under the Shil boot, but you had to be fluent in Shil to get that work. And then you had to have the Interior do a full background check to make sure you wouldn’t just fuck off with that plane full of supplies.
Cookie was an optimist and had begun preparing his resume. Milk knew the moment the Interior saw “773” on their ID, the bitch in charge would never let them touch anything more important than a screwdriver. Unless something big came along, she’d never fly again.
“Hello, we’re reaching out on behalf of Local 773 about if you want to attend our Union mee-” A calm, cheerful female voice called out from the answering machine. Cookie deleted the message and leaned back.
It’s been two years since the riots and these wannabe rebels were still calling them. Honestly Cookie wondered if this whole thing was an Interior Sting Op at this point. It couldn't be hard to trace them, the Purps already monitored his phone.
Turns out Uncle Jerimiah Kennedy was a bit of a firebrand and tried to get a bunch of his constituents to riot and ‘throw the unholy alien menace off our planet!’ Didn’t work.
But because of that, Ryan Kennedy, former combat pilot and USN F18 Driver, had a group of Purp Feds sitting in the next apartment tapping his phone. Milk had taken to teasing them, trying to catch them up and flirting with them. Cookie didn’t have the heart to tell her that the Interior folks over there were just the decoy group to distract the casual insurrectionist from the much more stealthy group he noticed once during a cold flash.
The door slammed open and there was Milk. The Irish redhead was almost carrying a very drunk Shil’vati as they giggled at each other. Cookie gave his WSO a look.
“I know what this looks like.” She began.
“You know how thin our walls are. I’ve got work tomorrow, can’t be staying up till three because of you two.” Cookie replied.
“Look, Cookie, I swear it’s not like that. She’s not gay. Just… very drunk and on leave. She needs an apartment.” Milk said, almost begging. “Just for a night.”
Cookie sighed, standing up and pulling cushions off the couch. Their apartment was a decent size, kitchen, bathroom, living room and two bedrooms. “I’ll make the bed. You get her into the bathroom. If she throws up anywhere other than the toilet, you’re cleaning it up.”
Milk gave a thumbs up before pulling the larger woman into the bathroom. “Do you even know her name?” Cookie asked after pulling the bed out.
“Something, something, Can’ve’sar.” She replied, “She got an ass that won’t quit though. Dammit! I hit on an unconscious lady.”
“That’s a SHARP talk.” Cookie called back with a snort. “Check her ID to see if she has a CO to call.”
Milk almost sounded offended, “No way! I’m not going to narc on her. I ain’t planning on being a Blue Falcon anytime soon.”
“Tell them she ate some bad food and can’t get a cab back to base. I don’t want a Purp SWAT team kicking down our door because the last thing anyone saw was a 773 lady taking a drunk marine back to her apartment.”
Milk stuck her hand out of the bathroom to give Cookie the finger as the Shil’vati lady did her due diligence to the porcelain throne.
Soon after making sure the soldier didn’t choke on her own vomit Milk handed an emergency contact card over to Cookie and the F18 driver dialed the number on it.
“Patrol Wing Centerpieces’ medic speaking. Who fucked up this time?” A Shil’vati voice called out from the other side, deeper than most voices.
“Uhh…” Cookie began before coughing, “Right. We’ve got Patrol Pilot Santuari Can’ve’sar passed out drunk in our apartment.” He rattled off the address. “She’s currently on a foldout couch in recovery position. Both of us are ex military so we’ve got the basic how to deal with drunks training. Are you going to send someone?”
There was a pause. “Ali’tan’s taint not again. Not right now. Make sure she doesn’t drown in her own puke. I’ll send her wing commander to get her in the morning.” There was another pause, “You say you’re military?”
“Ex.” Cookie replied, “Used to drive F-18’s before you folks blew my carrier up. Been grounded ever since.”
“Huh,” The medic mused, “Look. You didn’t hear it from me, but might want to drop that as your greeting. Don’t know what you’ve seen from the info blackout, but the Interior’s been ramping up for something.”
“Didn’t know the occupying force was in the habit of giving out advice.”
“You keep one of my pilots from drowning from her own bad decisions, I give you a heads up. Fair’s fair.”
Cookie shrugged. “Right, well tell the officer to knock loudly, my roommate and I sleep deeply in actual beds.”
At 7 in the morning, the door was almost kicked down by a very angry looking officer who, when let in and pointed at the drunk pilot, ripped her out of the genuinely comfortable looking sleeping position and started yelling.
“I don’t even have a hangover and that hurts.” Milk mused, watching the absolute glory of a chewing out in another language. The Shil flew so fast and furiously the pair could barely follow along, but every soldier knows the sound of someone being taken to task because of their dumb decisions.
As the pilot replied with a “Wha? Commander? Izzat you?” the pair couldn’t hold back their laughter as the officer took a deep breath in and began to shout anew.
Six years into the occupation, the Empire decided to throw a parade.
They said it was for the “Final Integration of the Rakiri Species”, a group of aliens neither Milk nor Cookie had ever heard of before, but when Milk first saw one, she fell in love instantly.
“They’re fuzzy!” She said, “Oh I want to just bury my face into one of their-”
“And that’s enough of that.” Cookie replied, pushing her back as she tried to scale his shoulders to get a better view. Turns out a 5’9 lad and a 5’8 lass aren’t the best at staring over crowds. “As much as I’d love to hear whatever degenerate fantasies you had regarding these new aliens, I’m more interested in seeing what they’ve got on display. I remember when I was on leave in Russia and got to see one of their military parades. Never saw MiG’s dance like that ever before. Guess I won’t ever again.”
Milk slugged him in the shoulder, “Way to kill the festive mood. Looks like we’ve got some gunships doing a swoop and awe. Wonder if they’ve fixed the flaw?”
Cookie took one look and grinned. “Nope, their ass is still open wide. Bet I could- Wait.” He held up a hand to stop Milk’s inevitable question, “Do you hear that?”
“Hear wha- the buzz? Yeah. Do you think…”
“Hope not.” Cookie replied, looking around and up. The hair on the back of his neck stood up as his musically trained ears began to try and triangulate where the odd hum was coming from.
And then it hit him.
Or, rather, the announcement did.
In Shil’vati and then English, the announcer calling out the Parade told the crowd to welcome to Earth the Empress’s First Spear Interceptor Division, on parade.
And three UFO’s that could not be mistaken for anything but fightercraft roared over the city.
The sleek craft flew without the familiar roar of turbofan engines, but the low hum and comforting crack of sound barriers breaking created a roar in and of itself. The crafts themselves were clean. Stubby, swept forward wings with empty weapon racks, a rotary barrel below the cockpit, and a pair of tail fins combined with it’s sleek body made the craft look like a Death Glider, an F15 and an A-10's beautiful child.
A vapor trail and the faint shimmer of extreme heat shown in the glowing sun as the trio of ships dove towards the ground before screaming upwards with a sharp turn and spiraling around like they were weaving a braid with their trails. It was glorious.
Milk and Cookie were in awe.
For six years, the only things these pilots had seen flying were gunships, cargo planes, and the occasional shuttle, but now they were witness to the dance of fighters once more. These craft flew in and out of the clouds, turning on a dime, and shooting around the buildings in a mock chase as the announcer spoke of the pilot’s feats of skill and daring.
But the clipped wing pilots had no ears for the words of mortals, for the skies called them once more, and once more their path was clear.
Whatever it took, no matter how much they needed to sacrifice, no matter who they had to turn their backs on, these aviators would take wing once more and soar.
“Repeat after me.” The recruiter said, gesturing for Milk and Cookie to stand. “I, your name here.”
“I, Aoibhinn McDermott.” “I, Ryan Kennedy.”
“Do so swear, as citizens of this Empire.”
“Do so swear, as citizens of this Empire.”
“To serve the Empress, to uphold the law, and to act with faith and honor.”
“To serve the Empress, to uphold the law, and to act with faith and honor.”
“May the goddesses strike me down if I err.”
“So help me God.”
“Good. You have a week to pack up and close up any business you may have before you will be required to report to the spaceport for transport to training. Welcome to the Empress’s Patrol Interceptors.” The recruiting officer shook Milk and Cookie’s hand before bidding them farewell.
It had been 6 years since the invasion, since Milk and Cookie had been captured by the enemy.
6 years since their wings had been clipped.
And in the next week, they would be getting their wings back, however slowly.
“Back to basics, eh Cookie?” Milk asked with a grin. “Think it’s easier the second time around?”
“With you driving backseat, how could I ever fail?” Cookie replied with a smile.
NEXT CHAPTER
And with this chapter, we have caught up to the published material on QQ and out of prepared material. Updates will slow, but I am almost done with the next chapter, so it shouldn’t take too long.
Maybe a chapter every couple weeks.
Enjoy!

For those who don't know, 'The Legend of Whorra' is a a series of videos on youtube with millions of views. It might've popped-up in your recommendations a million times like it did for me. I finally cracked and decided to give it a watch (So you don't have to).
Now, My turn to do a big edgy bold title:
'The Legend of Whorra' is a Garbage critic of the show
I'm a fan of the show and I could've done better. Korra is not a perfect show and neither is The Last Airbender, there's a lot to criticize in both shows, but these points, as you'll see, are awful.
Now, as these morons don't mince words when reviewing, I won't either in reviewing their smooth-brain takes.
The video is about 20 minutes long, but I swear to god, the first 10 minutes says nothing about Korra. It's just self-congratulating shit for standing-up to the boogie-man known as the SJWs and shit memes.
Now, 10 minutes in, we get the first critic. His critic is that Korra is a bitch and she's a mary-sue. Which I totally expected.
However, despite his claim of her being a mary-sue, I'd bet my fucking house that if I were to watch part 2-4, he'd contradict himself and call her useless, or dumb, or whatever. The kind of shit that a mary-sue isn't.
Critic: Complains that Korra has mastered the elements when she's little when it took Aang much more time.
Rebuke : It's directly mentioned that Korra excelled at the physical side of bending but had trouble connecting with her spiritual-side, she's not a mary-sue, she's just literally the opposite of Aang, which is why it makes sense for Korra's strength, her mastery of bending, to manifest much earlier and why it also makes sense that she hasn't entered the Avatar state yet when the show starts, despite being older than Aang.
Furthermore, Korra hasn't mastered anything when she was toddler, she moved a bit of earth and did a few sparks. Following the Flashback of the first episode, it cuts-back to a 16 year old Korra that finally completed her mastery of her third element. Seems like a totally reasonable pace for an Avatar.
In fact, Aang's the Gary Stu here. He didn't know a single element beside air and yet gained profiency in all of them in what? Like a single-year? It took him like, 1 episode to start earth-bending with Toph, the most opposite element to his nature and supposedly the most difficult. Korra is shown struggling with Air far-more than Aang is shown struggling with Earth. You're dumb.
Critic: He complains that Tenzin went to the South Pole just to say to Korra that he can't train her. Tells us that this is a great example of how shit and convenient the writing is because he could've just used a carrier pigeon or one of the newer forms of communication.
Rebuke: This really shows how bad-faith his arguments are and really sets the tone for how dog-shit this critic is. It's not a big fucking leap to presume that he went to the south pole to visit his mother, Katara. You know, the one whom greets him when he arrives.
Critic: Technology makes no sense and the writers made that leap because they thought it was cool but it fucked-up the whole setting. Makes a big-deal out of how impossible it is for technology to have progressed so much. Republic city makes no sense bla bla bla....
Rebuke: Again, he's either really dumb or acting in such bad-faith that he appears to be completely brain-dead. Much like in real-life, countries are not equally developed. During the early 20th century, western countries like Russia were still feudal. Some countries are more developed than others, Galaxy-brain take, really strange concept.
The Fire-Nation was pretty advanced and used really high-tech steam-punk shit, Republic city was formerly an Fire Nation Colony. Really makes you think.
Critic: Why would Aang build a giant statue of himself?
Rebuke: Maybe because he didn't? People like to honor their heroes, even if they don't want them to. Andrew Jackson is probably constantly rolling in his grave at the thought of him being on the 20.
Now, these all seem like really basic and dumb critics you might say, but guess what. That's the best he got. Now I don't want you to watch the video and give this waste of oxygen anymore views, but at 18:45, he admits that the rest of his videos are 'nit-picking' and that this is his core-argument and problem with the show.
So there you go folks, that's the best he got and it's dog-shit. I wish I was more self-interested sometimes, I could easily do these gamer-gate era type videos and trash-on The Last Jedi or LoK, get millions of views with zero effort.
TL;DR: He's either stupid, grifting or both
The End.
Edit: The video is from 2015, so I just assumed that this was peak Gamer-Gate era and he was just some Anti-SJW type, but I have been informed, and confirmed through my own research, that the man who made these videos, with millions of views, is a mask-on Nazi. Whoops, not really that surprised tbh.

Part 85 here
Alright. Alright. Alright. Let's keep digging further into the rabbit hole of a weaponized simulation being used to manipulate societal behavior by the Technocrat Surveillance State.
First of all. PClick on the link. Take a look. This is what they call us. ZOMBIES Source Here

According to internal NSA documents seen by SPIEGEL, the NSA has focused on accessing smartphone data. In a secret presentation, the agency ironically uses an image from the iconic Apple Macintosh ad aired during 1984 Superbowl, which referenced the George Orwell book "1984." The presentation went on to show Steve Jobs as "Big Brother." The NSA documents indicate that the agency can access a wide variety of iPhone geolocation features and other data.The implication of the presentation is that iPhone users are somehow complicit in their own surveillance by buying iPhones in the first place.

And do you know what you can do with zombies? Click and drop them wherever you want and lead them to where you need them to be. Because zombies really aren't dangerous, despite all the entertainment showing otherwise. They're only dangerous of you don't control the environment around you. If you fall asleep at the wheel. Which is why they're running simulations with Sentient World Simulation and manipulating our behaviour. So how deep does the data gathering go? Really deep.

We're All In This Together

NSA whistleblower Drake says the problem is that both CSEC and the NSA lack proper oversight, and without it, they have morphed into runaway surveillance. "There is a clear and compelling danger to democracy in Canada by virtue of how far these secret surveillance operations have gone." Much of the document contains hyper-sensitive operational details which CBC News has chosen not to make public.Wesley Wark, a Canadian security and intelligence expert at the University of Ottawa, says the document makes it clear Canada can take advantage of its relatively benign image internationally to covertly amass a vast amount of information abroad. Source Here

So we're all part of the same team. The Five Eyes.
So think about it. USA. Canada. Britain. Australia. New Zealand. Our Governments collect all our data and then pump it into a simulation like SEAS, before letting an algorithm do it's thing and shape our incoming data to mold our behaviors. Proof? Sort of. Those massive data centers in Utah aren't there as decoration. We have proof of behavioural manipulating studies done by Facebook. And we also have proof of an extremely advanced simulation. This isn't a leap to say that they use this apparatus against us. Is it?

The NSA and GCHQ have traded recipes for various purposes such as grabbing location data and journey plans that are made when a target uses Google Maps, and vacuuming up address books, buddy lists, phone logs and geographic data embedded in photos posted on the mobile versions of numerous social networks such as Facebook, Flickr, LinkedIn, Twitter and other services. In a separate 20-page report dated 2012, GCHQ cited the popular smartphone game "Angry Birds" as an example of how an application could be used to extract user data. Taken together, such forms of data collection would allow the agencies to collect vital information about a user's life, including his or her home country, current location (through geolocation), age, gender, ZIP code, marital status, income, ethnicity, sexual orientation, education level, number of children, etc. A GCHQ document dated August 2012 provided details of the Squeaky Dolphin surveillance program, which enables GCHQ to conduct broad, real-time monitoring of various social media features and social media traffic such as YouTube video views, the Like button on Facebook, and Blogspot/Blogger visits without the knowledge or consent of the companies providing those social media features. The agency's "Squeaky Dolphin" program can collect, analyze and utilize YouTube, Facebook and Blogger data in specific situations in real time for analysis purposes. The program also collects the addresses from the billions of videos watched daily as well as some user information for analysis purposes.

Whelp. They sure are like an octopus with their tentacles in everything, aren't they? And I do mean everything, isn’t that right Bill get the jab Gates?
Why on earth would they need this data unless they were using it? They wouldn't. Now the problem becomes, how are they using it? Remember, they want to launch the Internet of Things so they can watch everything. Do you know who else watched everything? Jeffery Epstein.

Giuffre adds that Epstein had hidden cameras everywhere in his homes—massage rooms, bedrooms, showers, toilets. “Every single corner of that house was monitored,” she says. “He was watching everyone all the time. This was a blackmail scheme.… When he told me, ‘People owe me favors’ and ‘I will never get caught’ and ‘I can get away with things,’ he meant it.”

Ransome claims that she was raped by Epstein her first night on the island, and continued to be abused by him throughout the trip. With no way to leave, Ransome said that she even “tried to escape”—making her way to a remote part of the island. But Epstein found her “almost immediately.” Ransome said, “I knew then that I was being watched 24/7.” Source Here

That doesn't look good for living in a omnipresent surveillance state does it. And hey, didn't Jeffery hang out with Bill Gates quite a bit?

Microsoft handed the NSA access to encrypted messages • Secret files show scale of Silicon Valley co-operation on Prism • Outlook.com encryption unlocked even before official launch • • Skype worked to enable Prism collection of video calls • Company says it is legally compelled to comply • Material collected through Prism is routinely shared with the FBI and CIA, with one NSA document describing the program as a "team sport". Source Here

Yep. Birds a feather, as they say.
So the material is collected through Prism? So now when they say Prism, I'm pretty sure they mean to indicate a light source on one side and a rainbow coming out the other side, right? Makes sense, doesn't it? And a rainbow is a collection of colors. Hmmmm. I feel like I have a revolutionary thought coming on.
Color revolutions! You know, like the kind that swept the middle east. Isn't that funny? Not really, but you know what I mean. Because these guys love just making it obvious, don't they? Why? Because we're all a bunch of zombies, that's why!
And a funny thing happens when you start to dive into some of the revolutionary protests. You start to see a link between where China increases trade with a country, and right around the same time the protests spontaneously start up!
What a coincidence!
The Egyptian revolution of 2011, also known as the 25 January Revolution (Arabic: ثورة 25 يناير‎; Thawrat khamsa wa-ʿišrūn yanāyir),[21] started on 25 January 2011 and spread across Egypt.https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Egyptian_revolution_of_2011
Recognizing that the current trade volume heavily favors China, both sides committed to work to improve Egypt’s share of the balance of trade. The volume of Sino-Egyptian trade reached $8.8 billion in 2011, a 26% increase from 2010. Source Here
I'm only going to give one example, but there are more. These are color revolutions all right, but they're the color of money. Remember, the Sentient World Simulation can simulate over 60 countries at once, and that's what they're willing to tell us. How much do you want to bet the real capacity is beyond top secret?
And what happened in Russia and China im 2011?

The 2011 Chinese pro-democracy protests (simplified Chinese: 中国茉莉花革命; traditional Chinese: 中國茉莉花革命) or (simplified Chinese: 伟大的中华茉莉花革命; traditional Chinese: 偉大的中華茉莉花革命) refers to a series of minor public assemblies at some cities in China starting on 20 February 2011, inspired by and named after the Jasmine Revolution in Tunisia and the wider Arab Spring.

The 2011–2013 Russian protests (which some English language media referred to as the Snow Revolution)[14] began in 2011 (as protests against the 2011 Russian legislative election results) and continued into 2012 and 2013. The protests were motivated by claims by Russian and foreign journalists, political activists and members of the public that the election process was flawed.[15] The Central Election Commission of Russia stated that only 11.5% of official reports of fraud could be confirmed as true.

Revolutions sure became popular all over the planet (and by planet I mean Africa, the Middle East, and Asia) all at once. Yep. They caught the Democracy Virus! They want FREEDOM! They want to be able to leave their countries...uhm, don't we get a lot of Chinese tourists over in North America? Strange. But isn't it a dictatorship that...you know what, never mind. FREEDOM!
Now if I'm right and they're using the internet to manipulate all of us based off of running simulations, it might just put a different spin as to why Russia and China have tried to block the internet into their countries. Just a thought. They wouldn't want their populations being manipulated, would they? Nope.

Beijing has not completely blacked out reporting on the uprising in Egypt. Instead, the Chinese government is funneling coverage of the protests through state-run television and the official Xinhua News Agency. However, the coverage that reaches Chinese citizens focuses primarily on the "lawlessness and anarchy" in Egypt's streets."What they are putting in the foreground is the chaos and the upheaval," Joerg Rudolph, a political scientist at the East Asian Institute of the University of Applied Sciences in Ludwigshafen, told Deutsche Welle. "This way they are showing that it's bad when these kinds of protests happen. We have to preserve stability. It's always the same. Stability has to be preserved and that's always the stability of the ruling elite in the country." Source Here

Oh. China has to preserve the stability of the ruling elite? Gotcha. Sure is a good thing that doesn't happen in North America! Could you imagine having controversial elections, rioting or protests, and then armed soldiers on the street! Thank goodness we have fact checks to save us from fake news!
Here's another strange thing about revolutions. They're all in the eye of the beholder. One man's Revolution is another man's Terrorism. Take Xinjiang and the Uighurs. I'm not saying they don't have re-education camps. They do. China admits it. I will say that I don't know how bad the situation is. But I will also say, middle eastern drones sure do have a lot of collateral damage, don't they? And North America is suddenly starting to get very concerned about domestic terrorism, aren't they? Wait. Isn’t that what China claims to be concerned about in Xinjiang as well? Hmmm. They must be worried about corporations like Apple and Nike being targeted.
Ok. Back on point. Simulations. The internet. Data. Shaping our perception. Molding our behaviors based on a computer program. They input data and then they output information for us to consume. Revolutions? Racial tensions? Apathy. The alarming mimicry online? Yeah. Simulations at work. And guess what? It's going to get worse. Because the more we become connected through the internet of things, the more data they receive, and the more data they receive, the better the simulations become, and the better the simulations become, the more they can exert their influence through programming us with content. It really is becoming very clear why they want 5G rolled out so quickly and why they have such a problem with Huawei, isn't it?
But at least our Surveillance Simulation State is only here for the benefit of Western Society. Right?

Snowden provided journalists at The Intercept with GCHQ documents regarding another secret program "Karma Police", calling itself "the world's biggest" data mining operation, formed to create profiles on every visible Internet user's browsing habits. By 2009 it had stored over 1.1 trillion web browsing sessions, and by 2012 was recording 50 billion sessions per day. The goal of the program, according to the documents, was "either (a) a web browsing profile for every visible user on the internet, or (b) a user profile for every visible website on the internet." *Karma Police was apparently named after the Radiohead song "Karma Police", which includes the lyric "This is what you’ll get when you mess with us". *

So just think. First the EMPLOYEES call us ZOMBIES, and then they use a song title that has the lyrics, THIS IS WHAT YOU'LL GET WHEN YOU MESS WITH US. Charming. And then Bill Gates hands the data to the state. And Bill's old pal Epstien loved to use surveillance to find runaway victims to rape. And these are the guys who are funding scientists and research? Scary thought. And what's scarier? How about all the headlines about what the models are showing in regards to the pandemic. Because a model is simply another word for a simulation. And we have evidence for a massive simulation being run. And we have evidence for the Club of Rome simulation being the basis for our current climate crisis decision policies. And we don't need a simulation to start questioning the motives of people who are funding these operations.
Whistleblowers have warned us. We've listened. Now we have to start making other people listen. Because no matter what, the simulations aren't perfect and they can't account for every possible outcome. And that's what each and everyone us are, another possible outcome.
Go viral. Be an outcome.
More soon. Keep your head up and eyes open. Talk soon.

From a Spark of Hope Riskrunner quest dialogue after three Lost Sectors:

“I met Cayde enough times to know a thing or two about his codenames for things. Cosmonaut Club....”
Devrim scratches his beard and stares out the window of the steeple.
“I’d bet the pot he’s referring to the Cosmodrome. Must have been spooked by something and decided to relocate the package there.”
“You’re probably best off checking the interior of the Cosmodrome wall; that’s the only place he could reliably hide something from the Fallen in Old Russia.”
“Good luck, Guardian. Don’t forget a cost. It gets a bit nippy in Siberia this time of year.”

I know this isn’t as important to figure out as the real location of the City or the Farm or whatever, but “Where’s the Cosmodrome?” Was a major question in D1 and it’s amazing to finally get it answered, since Russia is a fairly sizeable space to have a space port in.

hi.
you're on a rock floating in space.
pretty cool, huh?
some of it's water.
fuck it, actually most of it's water.
i can't even get from here to there without buying a boat.
it's sad.
i'm sad.
i miss you.
how did this happen?
a long time ago, actually never, and also now, nothing is nowhere.
when?
never.
makes sense, right?
like i said, it didn't happen.
nothing was never anywhere.
that's why it's been everywhere.
it's been so everywhere you don't need a where.
you don't even need a when.
that's how every it gets.
forget this.
i wanna be something.
go somewhere.
do something.
i want things to change.
i want to invent time and space.
and i know it's possible because everything is here and it probably already happened.
i just don't know when to start.
and that's exactly where it started.
whoah, i paused it.
i think there's a universe now.
what's it made of?
quarks & stuff
ah, that's a thing.
in a place.
don't like it?
try a new place.
at a different time™.
try to stick together, because the world is gonna get bigger.
and emptier.
but it's not empty yet.
it's still very full, and about a kjghpillion degrees.
great news!
the quarks are now happily married, in groups of three called a proton or a neutron
and there's something else flying around too that wants to join in but can't cause it's still too
HOT
great news!
the protons and neutrons are now happily married to each other.
and some of them even doubled up.
great news, the electrons have now joined in
congratulations, the world is now a bunch of gas in space.
but it's getting closer together.
and it's getting closer together.
and it's getting closer toge-
it's a star
new shit just got made!
some stars burn out and die.
bigger stars burn out and die with passion, and make some brand new, way crazier shit.
space dust
which allows newer, more interesting stars to be made, and then die, and explode into
even crazier space dust
so now stars have cool stuff around them, like rocks, ice, and funny clouds, which can make some very interesting things.
like this ball of flaming rocks for example.
holy shit, we just got hit with another ball of flaming rocks.
and it kind of made a mess.
which is
now the moon
weather update:
it's raining rocks from outer space.
weather update:
those rocks might have had water inside them, and now there's hot steam in the sky.
weather update:
cooler temperatures today, and the floor is no longer lava.
weather update:
it's raining.
severe flooding alert:
the entire world is now an ocean.
volcano alert:
that's land!
there's life in the ocean
what?
something's alive in the ocean
oh cool, like a plant or an animal?
no, a microscopic speck.
it lives at the bottom of the ocean and eats chemical soup, which is being served hot and fresh, made from gnarly space ingredients left over from when it was raining rocks or whatever.
oh yeah, and it can do that.
it has secret instructions written inside itself telling it how to build another one of itself.
so that's pretty nifty, i would say.
tired of living at the bottom of the ocean?
now you can eat sunlight!
using a revolutionary technique, you can convert sunlight into food
taste the sun
side effect: now there's oxygen everywhere and the sky's blue.
then the earth might have been a snowball for a while, maybe even a couple of times.
it's a sponge.
it's a plant.
it's a worm, and some other types of weird strange water bugs and strange fish.
it's the Cambrian explosion
"wow, that's animals and stuff"
but we're still in the ocean, hey, can we go on land?
no
why?
the sun is a deadly lazer
oh okay.
not anymore, there's a blanket
now the animals can go on land.
come on, animals, let's go on land!
nope, can't walk yet.
and there's no food yet, so i don't care.
ok, will you learn to walk if there's plants up here?
maybe, said some bugs, and fish.
ok, so i can go on land, but i have to go back in the water to
have babies
learn to use an egg.
i was already doing that.
use a stronger egg.
put water in it.
have a baby, on land, in an egg.
water is in the egg.
baby, in the egg, in the water, in the egg.
works for me.
bye bye ocean
and now everything's huge.
including bugs.
wanna see a map of the land?
sure.
oh fuck, now everything's dead.
just kidding, here are the survivors.
keep your eye on this one because it's about to become the dinosaurs.
here's another map of the land.
yeah, it broke apart, don't worry about it, it does that all the time.
here comes a meteor.
and the dinosaurs are gone
it's mammal time, here come the mammals.
look at those breasts.
now they're gonna dominate the world and one of them just learned how to grab stuff.
and walk.
no, like, walk like that.
and grab stuff at the same time.
and bang rocks together to make pointed rocks.
"ouch"
and set things on fire.
"yeouch"
and make crazy sounds with their voice.
"gneurshk"
which can mean different things.
that's a human person
and now they're everywhere.
almost.
ice age
what, you can walk over here?
cool.
not anymore
well i guess we're stuck here now.
let's review.
there's people on the planet.
and they're chasing their food.
fuck it, time to plant some grass.
look at this.
i control the food now.
now everyone will want to be my friend and live near me.
let's all build houses except mine is bigger because i own the food.
this is great, i wonder if anyone else is doing this.
tired of using rocks for everything?
use metal.
it's underground.
better farming was just invented, in a sweet dank valley right in between these two rivers.
and the animals are helping.
guess what happens next
more food.
and more people who came to buy the food.
now you need people to help make the food and keep track of the sales.
and now you need houses for people to live in and people to make the houses, and now there's more people and they invent things, which makes things better and more people come and there's more farming and more people to make more things for more people and now there's business, money, writing, laws, power.
Society
coming soon to a dank river valley near you.
meanwhile, out in the middle of nowhere, the horse is probably being tamed.
why is all my metal so lame and lumpy?
tired of using lame, sad metal?
introducing
Bronze
made with special ingredient tin from the far lands of tin land.
i don't know, my dealer won't tell me where he gets it.
also, guess what?
egypt
meanwhile, out in the middle of nowhere, they figured out how to put wheels on a horse.
now we're getting somewhere.
also
china
and did i mention
indus river valley civilization
norte chico
the middle east is getting more complicated, maybe because it's in the middle of the east.
knock knock, er, clop clop.
it's the people with the horses.
and they made an empire.
and then everyone else copied their horses.
greeks
ah look, it must be the greeks, er, a beta version of the greeks.
let's check in with the indus river valley civilization.
they're gone.
guess who's not gone?
china
new arrivals in india, maybe it's those horse people i was talking about, or their cousins or something
and they wrote some hymns and mantras and stuff
you could make a religion out of this.
there's the bronze age collapse.
now the phoenicians can get down to business
also, can we switch to a metal that's a little easier to find?
thanks.
look who came back to israel, it's the twelve tribes of israel.
and they believe in God
just 1 though, he's got like a ten step program.
here's some huge heads.
must be the olmecs.
the phoenicians make some colonies.
the greeks copy their idea and make some colonies.
the phoenicians made a colony so big it makes colonies.
here comes the assyrian empire.
never mind, it's the babylonian- median-
it's the Persian Empire
"wow, that's big"
ah, the buddha was just enlightened.
who's the buddha?
this guy, who sat under a tree for so long that he figured out how to ignore the fact that we're all dying.
you could make a religion out of this.
oops, china just broke, but while it was breaking, confucius was figuring out how to have good morals.
ah, the greeks just had the idea of thinking about stuff.
and right over here, alexander just had the idea of conquering the entire persian empire.
it's a great idea.
he was great.
and now he's dead.
hopefully the rest of the gang will be able to share the empire evenly between them.
knock knock, it's chandragupta, he says get the hell out of here.
will you get the hell out of here if i give you 500 elephants?
ok thanks, bye
time to conquer all of india
or
most of india
but what about this part?
that's the tamil kings, no one conquers the tamil kings.
who are the tamil kings?
merchants, probably
and they've got spices
who would like to buy the spices?
me, said the arabians, swiftly buying it and selling it to the rest of the world.
hey, china put itself back together again, with good morals as their main philosophy.
actually, they have three main philosophies.
out here, the horse nomads run wild and free, and they would like to ransack your city.
let's check the greekification levels of the greekified kingdoms.
greekification overload!
bye, said the parthians.
bye, said the jews.
hi, said the parthians, taking over the entire place.
heyyyyyyyy, said the romans, eating the entire mediterranean for breakfast.
thanks for invading our homeland, said the jews, who were starting to get tired of people invading their homeland.
hi, everything's great, said some guy who seems to be getting very popular and is then arrested and killed for being too popular, which only makes him more popular.
you could make a religion out of this.
want silk?
now you can buy it from china.
they just made a
brand new road to the world
or you can
get there on water
sick! new trade routes! said india, accidentally spreading their religion to the entire southeast.
hmm, that's a good place for an epic trading kingdom.
there goes buddhism traveling up the silk road.
i wonder if it'll reach china before it collapses again.
remember the persian empire?
yep, said the persians, making a new one.
axum is getting so powerful they would like to build a long stick.
has anyone populated madagascar yet?
let's do it together.
china is whole again
then it broke again
still can't cross the sahara desert?
try camels.
hell yeah! now we've got business
said the ghana empire, selling lots of gold, and slaves
hi, i live in the roman empire, and i was wondering
is loving jesus legal yet?
no.
actually, ok, sure, said constantine, moving the capital way over here to be closer to his
main rival
don't worry about rome, it won't fall.
it's the golden age of india
there's the gupta empire, not chandragupta, just gupta.
first name chandra.
the first.
guess who's in rome?
barbarians
what's a barbarian?
non-romans, said the romans, being invaded by non-romans.
r.i.p., roman empire, er, actually just half of it, the other half is just fine, but it's not in rome anymore so let's give it a new name.
the mayans have figured out the stars
oh and here's a huge city, population: everyone
the göktürks have taken over the entire eurasian steppe.
great job, göktürks.
how's india?
broken.
how's china?
back together
how's those trading kingdoms?
bigger, and there's more of them
korea has 3 kingdoms.
japan has a kingdom, it's the sunrise kingdom.
deep in the arabian desert, on the top of a mountain, the real god whispers in muhammed's ear.
so he goes down to the cube where everyone worships gods and he tells them their gods are all fake.
and everyone got so mad at him that he had to leave town and go to a different town.
you could make a religion out of this.
and maybe conquer the world as well.
the roman empire is long gone, but somehow the pope is still the pope.
plus there's
new kingdoms all over europe
i wonder if there's room for moors.
here's all the wisdom.
in a house.
it's the baghdad house of wisdom.
just in time for the
islamic golden age
let's bring stuff to the coast and sell it, and become the swahili on the swahili coast, said the swahili on the swahili coast.
remember this tiny space you have to go through to get from here to there?
someone owns that now.
wanna get enlightened in the middle of nowhere?
the franks have the biggest kingdom in europe, and the pope is so proud that he invites the king over for christmas.
surprise! you're the new roman emperor, said the pope, pretending to still be part of the roman empire.
then the franks broke their kingdom into what will later be called france and not france.
but the northerners, or just norse if you don't have much time, are exploring.
they go north, from the north to the northern north.
and they find some land.
two types of land.
and they name them accordingly.
they also invade some other places, and get called many names, such as vikings.
there's the rus.
the kievan rus.
are they vikings?
i don't think so, said the kievan rus.
ok, fair enough.
the pope is ready to make some more emperors.
of the "roman empire".
the holy roman empire.
it's actually germany but don't worry about it.
new kingdoms.
christianize all the kingdoms
which brand would you like?
mine's better.
mine's better.
mine's better.
time to conquer england, said william.
it's a bird, it's a plane
it's the seljuk turks
aah! said the byzantine empire who's getting so small and almost doesn't exist anymore.
we need help!
they need help, so they call the pope.
hey pope, can you help us get rid of the seljuks?
maybe take back the holy land on the way?
come on, i know you want to take back the holy land.
yes, i do actually want to do that.
let's do a crusade.
crusade
they did many crusades, some of which almost didn't fail.
but at least the italians got some sweet trade deals.
goodbye mayans.
hello toltecs
goodbye toltecs.
hello mississippi
look at those mounds.
there's the pueblo.
i always wondered how to build a town in a cliff.
guess who's here?
khmer.
where?
here.
and pagan is there.
vietnam unconquered itself, korea just became itself, and japan is so addicted to art that the military might have to take over the government.
china just invented bombs, and typing.
and the mongols just invaded most of the universe.
nice going, Genghis!
i bet that will last a long time.
some of the islamic turks were unaffected by the mongol invasions because they were busy invading india.
is it tonga time?
i think it's tonga time.
i just found out where the swahili gets all their gold.
look at this chad.
means "lake".
there's an empire there.
right in the middle of
Africa
the king of mali is so rich he's going on tour to let everyone know.
wow, that guy's rich, everyone said.
the christians are doing a great job reconquering iberia, which will soon be called spain and not spain.
please remain christian.
we will check in later to see if you're still christian when you least expect.
whoops, half of europe just died.
ming
china's back, yay!
hey khmer, time to share.
new kingdoms here and there.
oh, look who controls all the islands.
it's the mahajapit.
majahapit.
mapajahit.
mahapajit.
mapajahit.
majapahit?
oh, italy's really rich, time for them to care a lot about art and the ancient classics.
it's kinda like a rebirth.
here's a printer.
let's make books.
so you think you can conquer the byzantine empire?
yep, said the ottoman turks.
nice job, ottoman turks.
whoops, you missed a spot.
don't forget to ban europe from the indian spice trade.
what? that's bullshit, said portugal, spiceless.
well i guess we'll have to find another way to india
wait! said christopher columbus, probably smoking crack.
if the world is round, let's go this way to india.
nah, don't worry, we already got this, said portugal.
so chris goes to spain.
hey spain, wanna hire me to find india by going around back of the world?
no.
please?
no.
please?
no.
please?
ok.
so he sails into the ocean.
and discovers more ocean.
and then discovers the indies.
and japan.
let's draw a line to decide who gets which half of the world.
the aztec and inca empires are off to a great start.
i wonder if they know that europe just discovered their continent?
the habsburgs are marrying into so many royal families they might have to start marrying each other.
move over lithuania, here comes moscow.
ivan wants to make russia great again.
move over timurids, maybe go invade india or something.
persia just made persia persian again.
let's make it the other kind of islam.
the one where we thought the first guy should have been the other guy.
hey christians!
do you sin?
now you can buy your way out of hell.
that's bullshit.
this whole thing is bullshit.
that's a scam.
fuck the church.
here's 95 reasons why, said martin luther, in his new book, which might have accidentally started the protestant reformation.
you know what would be magnificent, said suleiman, wearing an onion hat?
what if the ottoman empire was really big?
which it is now.
what if russia was big? said ivan, trying not to be terrible.
portugal had a dream that they controlled the entire indian ocean, including the spice trade.
and then that dream was real.
and spain realized that this is not india, but they pillaged it anyway.
damn, said england and france.
we gotta start pillaging some stuff.
then the dutch revolt and all the hipsters move to amsterdam.
damn, said amsterdam.
we gotta start pillaging some stuff.
question 1: can you get to india through north america?
no, but at least there's beaver.
question 2: steal the spice trade.
that's not a question, but the dutch did it anyway.
sugar
guess where all the sugar's made?
in brazil.
stolen
and the caribbean.
and it's so god damn profitable you might forget to not do slavery.
the next thing on russia's to-do list is to get bigger.
britain and france are having a friendly discussion about who should control the entire world.
more specifically, ohio.
then it escalates into a seven year discussion, giving prussia a chance to show austria who's boss.
but what about britain and france, did they figure out who's boss?
yes they did.
it's britain.
guess who's broke?
also britain.
so they start taxing the hell out of america.
fuck you, says america, declaring their independence, and fighting for it.
and france helps them win, now france is broke.
and britain'll have to send their prisoners to a different continent.
wait, if france is broke, why do the king and queen still wear such fancy dresses?
let's overthrow the palace and cut all their heads off! said robespierre, cutting everybody's head off until someone eventually got mad and cut his head off.
you could make a reli- no, don't.
haiti is staring to like the idea of a revolution.
especially the slaves, who free themselves by killing their masters.
why didn't we think of this before?
wait, who's in charge of france now?
me
said napoleon, trying to take over europe.
luckily, they banished him to an island.
but he came back
luckily, they banished him to another island.
there goes latin america, becoming independent in the latin american wars of independence.
britain just figured out how to turn steam into power.
so now they can make
many different types of machines and factories with machines in them so they can make a lot of products real fast
then they invent some trains.
and conquer india and maybe put some trains there.
hey, china! said britain.
buy stuff from us!
nah dude, we already got everything, says china.
so britain tried to get them addicted to opium.
which worked, actually.
but then china made it illegal and dumped it all into the sea.
so britain threw a hissy fit, and made them open up five cities and give them an island.
britain and russia are playing a game where they try to stop each other from conquering afghanistan.
also, the
sultan of oman lives in zanzibar now
"that's just where he lives"
india just had a revolution, and they would like to govern themselves now.
nope, said britain, governing them even harder than before.
technology is about to go crazy
the united states finally figured out whether slavery is good or bad.
it's bad, they decided.
and then they continued manifesting their destiny, which is to kill the rest of the natives and take their land and maybe kick out the mexicans too.
i know, let's rape africa, said europe, scrambling to see who could rape it the fastest.
they never got ethiopia
britain and france are still hungry.
they never got thailand
the united states ran out of destiny to manifest, so they're looking for more.
hawaii
cuba
wait, spain controls cuba.
well, blame something on them and go to war!
what should we blame on spain?
let's blame the maine on spain.
so they blame the maine on spain.
now we're in business.
to celebrate, they kick panama out of panama and make a canal, connecting the two oceans.
britain just found oil in the middle east.
it makes cars go
china is so tired of being bossed around that they delete their old government and make a new, stronger government, which is accidentally weaker and controlled by a guy from the previous government.
europe hasn't had a war since the last war.
so they start world war 1.
look at those guns.
it's gonna be a great war.
so great we won't need a second one.
after it's over, they blame germany.
russia went on strike and the workers overthrew the government.
now everyone's paycheck is the same.
communism
in the soviet union
the arabs revolt and britain helps.
now the ottoman empire's gone so we can give the
jewish people a place to live
hopefully the arabs won't mind.
let's cut the cake, said sykes and picot, carving up the remains of the not-so-ottoman-anymore empire.
except turkey, turkey makes a brand new turkey
and then the saudis conquer arabia.
it just seemed like the right thing to do.
hello?
yes, it's the 1920's calling.
let's get in the car and drive to a party and listen to jazz on the radio and go to the movies.
the economy's great and it'll probably be great forever, just kidding.
germany's back, featuring hitler, the angry mustache model.
and he's mad at the jews for existing.
japan is finally conquering the east, and they're so excited they rape nanking way too hard.
they should probably just deny it.
hitler's out of control.
so the international community tackles him and then tries to explain why killing all the jews is a bad idea.
but he kills himself before they could explain it to him.
that's world war 2
bonus round!
pacific showdown.
united states vs. japan.
fight!
finish him
let's unite all the nations and have some
world peace
seems legit.
hi, i'm gandhi, and if britain doesn't get the hell out of india, i'm gonna starve myself in public.
wow, that worked?
bonus, now there's pakistan.
actually two pakistans.
one of them can be bangladesh later.
the jews and the arabs finally figured out which one of them should live in the holy land.
me, they both said at the same time.
let's divide up the land so everyone's happy.
sike, they both get angrier
look out china, there's a new china in china.
what's on the menu?
communism!
no thanks, said the other china, escaping to an island.
i wonder which one is the real china?
there's the korean war, korea versus korea.
nobody wins, then it's on pause forever.
let's meet the sponsors.
oh, it's the two global superpowers.
they're having a friendly debate over which economic system is good, and which one is an evil virus of Satan.
and they both have atom bombs.
fight!
wait, no, that would be the end of the world.
let's just keep it cool and spy on each other instead.
and make sure we have enough atom bombs.
i'll race you to space.
now let's make some more countries fight themselves.
europe is tired of pillaging other continents, so the continents they were pillaging are tired of being pillaged.
so here's a new map, with new countries.
now you can't tell who they're being pillaged by.
the united states finally decided whether racism is good or bad.
they decided it's bad, and the world agrees.
south africa might need another minute to think about it.
let's check the world population.
whoa.
okay.
technology's better too, that might keep happening.
the soviet union decides to relax a little, and accidentally falls apart.
europe makes a union, so now they can all use the same money, except britain, because they don't feel like it.
let's check the mail.
surprise, it's on the computer.
whoops, someone just attacked america.
i bet they'll remember that.
phone call.
surprise, it's in your pocket.
wanna learn everything?
surprise, it's on the computer.
now your phone's a computer, which is in your pocket.
whoops, the economy just crashed.
don't worry, the big banks won't fail because they're not supposed to.
surprise!
flying robots.
with bombs.
wanna print a brain?
some people have no friends.
some people have no food.
the globe is warming
and the ocean is full of plastic
let's save the planet! said everybody, not knowing how.
let's invent a thing inventor, said the thing inventor inventor, after being invented by a thing inventor.
that's pretty cool.
by the way, where the hell are we?

Continuing… (It's Part 6 in the saga, I fucked up. Sorry.)
So, after a few re-fueling and impromptu cigar-purchasing stops in South and Central America, we wheel up to the deserted jetway at LAX.
“Thought we were going to Elmendorf?” I asked.
“This isn’t it?” the pilot replied, feigning worry.
“No.”, I replied, “Looks like California. Fruits and nuts. All around. What’s going on? One minute we’re off to Texas, then Cali, then Texas again, now we end up here at the California airport of the iconic tower.”
“Yeah, it’s confusing enough haulin’ civilians around. But when we get a call from Virginia, we tend to comply without any questions,” the pilot explains.
“Aw, shit!”, I sort of exclaim, “Rack and Ruin called?”
“Yeah”, the pilot replies, “Figures you’d know these guys. They said they were closer to LAX rather than Texas and had us divert here. In fact, you look over there, see that dark blue Chevy? That’s them; and evidently, your ride.”
I tipped the airman from earlier a couple of cigars as he helped me with my gear off the plane and into the trunk of Rack and Ruin’s plain-Jane blue late modeled Chevy. Had to move the Sidewinder Missiles off to one side, though.
“Most honorable Agents Lack and Luin!” I quipped in my faux-racist greeting. “What the hell, guys? I’ve got to get to Japan and get some newly rigidified digits.”
“Let’s see your hand”, Agent Rack asks. “Nasty.”
“Yeah”, I sigh “And with the medicos in South America and their penchant for plaster, I don’t so much have a left hand as more of an ankylosaur tail.”
“Or Thagomizer”, Agent Ruin tittered. “Anyone gives you grief, and one upside the head should set them right. Or dead.”
“You’re a riot, Ruin.” I replied, “But not entirely incorrect.”
We all agreed that I really didn’t need any extra accouterments to make myself look more dangerous. I mean with my severe haircut, stern beard clip, and perpetual ‘Go fuck yourself’ scowl.
“Yeah”, I replied, stroking the aforementioned beard, “I just can’t get that. I’m such a people person.”
After Agents Rack and Ruin finished drying their eyes from laughing what I thought was en extremis, we finally got down to business.
“So, what’s the skinny, guys”, I asked. “New marching orders?”
“No. Not as such”, Agent Ruin said, still sniggering over my ‘people person’ comment.
I see we’re moving. Agent Rack is just driving casually, like Chewbacca when they were waiting to see if the Empire went for that expensive Bothan code.
“Then, what?” I asked, getting a slight bit piqued.
“Well”, Agent Ruin noted, “When you went to South America, you took some of your artillery collection with, correct?”
“You know I did. You even made some snide comments about my personal choice of sidearms and their ‘excessive’ calibers, if memory serves”, I reiterated.
“And if you are proceeding normally, as you always do, they’re all nestled in the trunk of this very car. All cleaned, quiet, unloaded, and smelling sweetly of Hoppe’s Number 9 and WD 40, correct?” Rack inquired.
“Yes?” I cautiously venture.
“Well, ya’ big dummy, do you think they’re going to let you saunter into Tokyo armed like the Third Fleet?” Agent Ruin chuckled.
“Um…well…I do have a Diplomatic Passport.” I ventured.
“That’s not going to work this time.”, Agent Ruin said, shaking his head. “They’re tighter than Dick’s Hatband about sidearms. Want to bring in your Rigby SXS .500 Nitro Express double rifle? Not a problem. Sidearms, especially in your alien hunting calibers, nope.”
Well, that’s just….*dandy!”, I reply, semi-put out. “Now what the hell am I going to do?”
“Ever think that’s why Ruin and I are here, now?”, Rack asks.
“And here I thought it was just so you could bask in the warm glow of my fucking wonderful personality. Or that you actually cared about me as a real goddamn human”, I joshed.
“Ummm…yeah”, Rack replies, “There’s no way we can answer that without going on some Deadpool list. “
I agreed.
“OK, here’s the deal: you get your sidearms, ammunition, speed loaders, brass knuckles, Asp, laser range finders, Sap, Zeiss scopes, Kukri, Wisconsin Cheese Whittler, Buck folding skinner, Marine K-Bar, those two ultra-illegal Cheburkov Cobra titanium switchblades...”
“Three. Olga the KGB lady sent me one for Geologist’s Day.”
“Ahem. Those three ultra-illegal Cheburkov switchblades, that Wyoming Speedholer, your MASER Time-Distance Computer, garrote, pocket rail gun and whatever else lethal you carry and deposit it in the iron box in the trunk. We’ll ensure that it’s delivered to Esme post-haste. And by post-haste I mean one of our guys will deliver it personally.”
“Well…I suppose”, I conceded, “But best send someone who’s been to the house recently. I don’t know how much bigger Khan has grown since I left on this little fantasy trip. Wouldn’t want a star on the wall in Langley for someone eaten by a mastiff. Want to see a picture….Oh, bother. That’s right. My phone’s at the bottom of fucking Lake Maracaibo.”
“Good point”, Ruin interjects, “Guess we’ll do a little road trip and deliver it ourselves. Best call Esme and let her know what’s going on.”
“I have no objections to your proposals. Please give Esme this when you see her. I had some luck in the Calaveras Casino and if I don’t send her some mad money. Ouch. She’ll never forgive me for not taking her along to Japan.” I asked.
“But I thought Esme hated Japan? Too crowded and too ‘fussy’, I believe was her estimation.” Ruin asked.
“Yes, but once she saw the Ginza, all bets were off. Shopping the likes of which even Allah himself hasn’t seen.” I replied, slowly shaking my head.
“I see”, Ruin said, “Well, since you’re off to Sapporo, perhaps you can do a recon for Esme on the shopping there.”
“Not bad. Not bad at all.”, I smiled, “Now I know why I let you guys hang around with me.”
So, as advertised, I am now standing on the tarmac at LAX, basically feeling naked.
“Can’t I keep just one switchblade?” I moaned to Agent Rack.
“Go ahead, if you’re really keen on donating it to Japanese customs”, he replied.
“Fuckbuckets.” I groused.
“There, there now. That’s the usual Dr. Rocknocker of which we’re all so fond.” Agent Ruin chuckled.
“Remember, you do have that wallet-sized credit card gizmo from the Company. So you’re not entirely ‘naked’. Think of it as an emergency breechcloth.” He smiled.
“I’d like a larger model if you don’t mind. It’s chilly out here.” I joshed.
After Agents Rack and Ruin stripped me metaphorically naked as they de-weaponized me, they handed me a Business Class ticket to Tokyo, and a pass to the Japan Airlines Hospitality Suite and Lounge.
“So sorry you guys can’t hang around and have a few farewell snorts”, I chided, “But you’ve got a bit of a drive, so best be off before the weather turns to shit.”
“Who says we’re driving?” Agent Rack asked as he hooked a thumb over his shoulder at the ready and waiting C-130 cargo plane currently taxiing slowly in our direction.
“Well, in that case”, I smiled even more broadly, “Let’s invite the flight crew to join us. That’ll make the flight home all that much more interesting.”
After near tear-jerking farewell sentimentalities, i.e., “Piss on you”, “Get stuffed” and “Take a fuckin’ hike”; Agents Rack and Ruin, my weapons and the Agency’s plain-Jane Blue Chevy were all nestled snugger than buggers in ruggers in the belly of the thundering C-130.
Now truly on my own, I trudge the hundred thousand or so centisteps to my departure terminal, make a quick recon that my flight’s still slated to go in a generally westward direction, and hightail it to the nearest courtesy desk to ask for a motorized cart to take me and my remaining luggage to the JAL Hospitality Suite.
Hey. I’m old, infirm, and currently among the walking wounded.
Anyone that disagrees risks an Ankylosaur tail club swat or Thagomizer to the skull.
Finally ensconced in the JAL Hospitality Suite, Polo Lounge of course; I was drinking Tokyo Teas (3 oz. vodka, 2 oz. gin, 2 oz. rum, 1 oz. triple sec, 1 oz. Midori, good splash of lime juice, a slight splash of 7-Up (diet, of course), over ice with a lime wheel) with Pabst Blue Ribbon Extra 1844 chasers and Hangar One’s “Fog Point” vodka on the side, hiding from the brutish realities of this foul year of two thousand and twenty-something, Common Era…
I’ve already called Esme and we’ve had a good, long chat. She still managed to give me her shopping list for whenever I find myself bored on the Ginza.
She’ll be shocked when she learns that I’m not going to be in Tokyo long, but have 1st class tickets on the Bullet Train to Sapporo. Still, I’ll probably find myself in Pole Town or the Stellar Place there, trading piles of US greenbacks for locally produced Japanese curios and clothing.
I can hardly wait.
I order another round of drinks, as the wonderful attendants in the Hospitality Suite were bored out of their skulls because of the COVID-induced drop-in customers flying anywhere that requires a hospitality room stay, and I was virtually the only one around. They tried their level best to outdo each other when it comes to Japanese efficiency and friendliness.
After a couple of hours, they ask if I would like something from the grill, as the day chef had “the COVID” and the night chef just arrived. A quick perusal of the menu and I chose a 28-ounce dry-aged Porterhouse and another round of drinks.
I usually don’t like to eat too much before I fly, but JAL tells me the flight is going to be virtually empty, something like <121 pax, all told, so restroom availability shouldn’t be too much of a concern.
Plus, who am I to say no to a free, blue 28-ounce dry-aged Porterhouse?
There was a bit of difficulty conveying to the chef through the intermediaries of the hospitality just how I wanted my steak.
“Blue,” I said.
“Brue?” was the reply.
“Rare. Very, very rare.” I continued.
Look of total bewilderment.
I drag out my Personal Language Pro, speak “Steak, very, very rate” into the infernal gizmo, and hand the contraption to the attendant.
“珍しい、非常に珍しいステーキ?”[ Mezurashī, hijō ni mezurashī sutēki?]
“Raw! Nama!” I say, louder than need be.
They toddle off to find the chef.
“How is it sir, that you would like your steak cooked?” he asks.
“Very rare. Just a minute or two per side. Inside still cold.” I instructed.
All I got for the trouble was a puzzled smile.
“Give me the language gizmo…” I type in a few words…
“お尻を洗い、角をノックオフして、ここから出してください”
[O shiri o arai,-kaku o nokkuofu shite, koko kara dashite kudasai.]
“Wash its ass, knock its horns off, and walk it out here.”
“OH!” as the lightbulb pops. “Rare. Got it! Excellent!” the chef laughs and zips back to the kitchen.
Like I always say, I’m nothing if not the international ambassador of amity and goodwill.
“Crack tubes!”
Dinner was fantastic. I do wish I could have somehow mailed the Porterhouse bone back home for Khan. After that hambone incident, he might even taste it.
Finally on the plane, in an almost empty Business Class, the flight captain informs us that we’re headed to Haneda Airport Tokyo and anyone not headed in that direction better ‘haul ass off’ the flight or forever hold their peace.
Late-night international flights tend to be a bit more wooly than your average Chicago to Omaha gig.
Especially when the flight’s damn near empty and we have the next 12 hours or so to be best friends.
We taxi, turn and head into the wind. I’m doctoring up a couple of dossiers and keeping my personal cabin attendant, Luna since there were two of us in Business and two business flight attendants, busy with her trying to play ‘Stump the Geologist’.
“I’ll bet you never had this before.” She beamed and handed me a tumbler of very dangerous-looking brown liquor.
I cautiously sniff, take a modest gulp, swirl and glug the rest down.
“Ohishi Single Sherry Cask”, I say with a muffled belch. “Light. Fruity. An Englishman’s drink.”
“Oh. You knew. Let me try again.” She smiles beatifically.
“I have no objections to your proposal.” I smile as nicely as this crotchety old Komodo Dragon could.
She returns with another flagon of spirits; it smells of obsidian, leather, and earth.
I just had some of this back in LAX. I take a snort, smile, and shotgun the rest.
“Hibiki Japanese Harmony…lovely stuff.” I smile. “A little light for my jaded palate, but I’d never turn it down if it were free.”
“Oh, you win again. Wait. One more.” She smiles and skitters off to the galley.
She returns with another soupçon of some more dangerous brown liquor.
“Here, try this. It will make you very popular at social gatherings”. She smiles.
Sniff. “Splendid.” Snort. Swirl. Smile. Shotgun.
“Kanosuke New Born, if I’m not mistaken.” I smile back. “Very nice. I really do like this one.”
“You too good at this. One more!” she stands and stomps off defiantly. She returns in a trice and hands me the glass.
“Hmm…brown. Light notes of earth, leather, dating your daughter, and Kentucky…
“Beam Suntory, right?”
“You know them all!” she says, feigning irritation.
“And I thank you. Those were all excellent. Now, anything in the dangerous clear liquor category? I asked.
Luna smiled as I palmed off a 20k yen tip.
“Oh, no sir. Wait until we land.” She demurred, referring to the gratuity; which is know is not de rigueur in the Orient, but she didn’t seem to mind.
“Just in case we never make it to Tokyo”, I laughed, unknowingly presciently.
We both chuckled about that last line as she tried out various sakes and shōchūs and an actual Japanese ‘White Liquor’ (ホワイトリカー), which were all excellent as was the company.
I tell her that I need to get some work done and could she bring me a tall Rocknocker. After explain the origins and construction of the eponymous drink, she brings me one that must tip the scales at 1 or so liters.
She settles down to an empty seat and I get after the work that I need to finish before we land. I’m about ½ way through my drink when it felt as if the plane hit a brick wall. She quivered and quaked and clutched at herself while I made some comments about the pilot’s mental health.
We dropped like a paralyzed falcon, then just as suddenly, felt like it was an express elevator to Angel’s 11. The plane bucked and shimmied, wickedly. Then we slam-danced right and fell a few more stories. It was like we were in a Mixmaster and the owner was trying out every speed.
The emergency lights in the 777-300ER popped on, and the fasten seat belt sign barked loudly so even sleeping travelers could enjoy the show.
Rinse. Spin. Shudder. Repeat.
Finally, the ride smooths out and we hear the captain on the blower.
“This is your captain speaking…ah, we seem to have hit some uncharted turbulence back there.”
“Thanks, Captain Obvious”, I muttered.
“Everything’s A-OK. “ he reports.
“That’s good”, I note.
“But…”
“There’s always the but…” I groan.
“…we have a couple of warning lights for which we can’t quite account. So to just be safe and certain, we’re going to divert to Hawaii, get a clean bill of health and resume this flight once we make sure everything here is hunky-dory.”
There were scattered groans and applause. Add them together and divide by two and the average response on the flight was “Meh. Whatever.”
Except for the other guy in Business, with whom I hadn’t shared two words. He began to absolutely lose his shit.
“Oh, man! We’re so screwed! Mechanical malfunction? What does that mean?” he positively fizzed with fear.
The flight attendants tried to calm him down, to no avail. They basically gave up and said they’d report his misgivings to the Captain.
I motioned over to my personal flight attendant, Luna, and asked if I could be of service.
“Oh, Doctor Rock”, she smiled at me, “If you could speak with him. You are so calm, and he is…”
“Losing his bloody mind”, I chuckled as I finished her sentence for her. “Of course, I’ll take a stab at it.”
So, I grab my drink and ease over to my Business Class partner and introduce myself.
“Hey, pal. How’s it going? I’m Dr. Rock, gentleman, scholar, and connoisseur of cigars and things alcoholic. You doing OK?”
He looks at me with an ashen face and his eyes the size of bloodshot dinner plates.
“Yeah. I’m Todd Schotts. I’m flying to Japan for business.” He mumbles
“No surprise there,” I reply calmly and take a slug of my drink.
“But now we’re all going to die. The plane is busted and we’ll crash…” he started off again.
“So, Todd is it? Good. You drink?” I asked.
“Yeah?”, he stammered back.
I asked Luna to make us a fresh batch of my eponymous cocktails.
“OK, Todd, listen up”, I began after the drinks were served, “I have flown literally millions of miles over the last 4 decades. On Aeroflot when it was still the USSR. On TACA (Take A Chance Airways), on Chalk’s in the Caribbean, on Bob’s Verrifast Plane Company in Rhodesia, on regional carriers that don’t even exist anymore. All over the world. Had some bad experiences flying, and me ol’ mugger, this ain’t one of them. This is nothing more than the glitch for this mission.”
I chuckled lightly and complimented Luna on a fantastic drink.
“Yeah…yeah…yeah…but we have to land and check out some lights…” Todd squealed.
“Well now, Todd. It would be rather difficult to do any external assessment while in flight, don’t you agree?” I asked.
“But we’re diverting. We have to land and that adds more risk. We’re going to crash and die!” he was coming more and more unglued.
“I will bet you every cent you have on your person and home bank accounts that that will not happen”, I chuckled.
That took him by surprise. At least it shut him up for a while.
“Look, Todd. This is Boeing’s latest model. They have the most incredible safety record. And if a little clear air turbulence were to be knocking planes out of the sky, don’t you think we’d hear about it as the press went berserk?” I asked.
“But they don’t know what the lights mean! What if one of the engines’s out? How far can we fly on one engine?” Todd stuttered.
Having my fill of a supposedly grown man with inane childlike fears, I calmly replied,
“All the way to the crash site.”
He went white.
“...hope we hit something hard. I don’t want to limp away from this.”
He went limp.
Then I went to my seat and motioned for Luna to prepare a reload.
Of course, 45 minutes later, we land without incident at Daniel K. Inouye International Airport, Honolulu Hawaii.
We were told to just wait around until they figure out what the problem if any, was.
They had officials waiting at the end of the jetway to check our COVID status and passports before they let us loose in the terminal.
I asked Luna if she knew this airport. She noted that she did.
“Is there a JAL hospitality room here at this airport? I asked.
“Yes, Doctor. It’s the Sakura Lounge. It is located on the third level above The Local, Terminal 2.” She replied.
“Please notify whoever needs to know that that’s where I’ll be for the duration”, I smiled and handed her my business card. “See you soon, I hope.”
“Oh, Dr. Rock”, she replied, “I am sure it is nothing much. We’ll be back in the air within mere hours.”
“Well then”, I smiled, “Guess I’d better get ready to hoof it to the lounge.”
“Oh, Doctor Rock”, she smiled, “No rush. I will call for you a courtesy cart. You are injured, you are Business, you are priority.”
“I love that Asian efficiency.” I smiled back and toddled down the jetway.
At the terminus of the jetway, I show my COVID-clear papers, dates and times of my Anti-Virus vaccine administrations, the letter from Virginia clearing me of all detention, and my red Russian diplomatic passport.
While in the cart, whizzing our way to the JAL lounge, the driver said “Man! You must be some kind of VIP. You were through that welcoming committee in less than two minutes!”
“Me? Nah!”, I chuckled, “Just an old phart of a geologist that they didn’t want to mess with. Not on such a bright, sunny day as this.”
“I see you’re not wearing a mask.” The driver quipped.
“Very observant. There are reasons for that.” I replied.
He careens around a corner and if this were a normal pre-Covid day, I’m certain we’d have killed hundreds. However, the airport, as I’ve come to grow accustomed to, was virtually deserted.
“Yeah? Like what?” he asks.
“Well, Scooter, 1. I have an active and hardworking immune system that I let off the chain every once in a while for exercise. Got to let it know what it’s up against, right? 2. I’ve had all my shots and some that were experimental. They seem to have worked. And 3. I find it difficult to drink and smoke cigars while wearing a mask. However, if you’d prefer, I will mask up. No problem, though it still is optional.”
“Nah, man”, he said, “I was just wondering if you were one of those religious idiots or conspiracy nuts.”
Nope”, I smiled back, “Just another geologist out in the world plying his trade for cash. Y’know, whorin’ around for money.”
He laughs aloud as we skid to a stop right in front of Lounge.
I slip the guy a $20 and ask if he’d listen for the JAL flight I was just on. If we’re going on ahead today, I’d need him to scoot by and putt-putt me back to the plane.
He laughs and pockets the $20 as quick as a mink ruts.
“No worries. I’ll just hang around this area. I hear anything about the flight, I’ll come and let you know.” He grins.
“Good man”, I say, as I hand him my card. “I’m Dr. Rocknocker. Call me Rock”.
“And I’m Kapula Mano, call me Kap” he replies.
“Good man”, I say again, “Hope to see you in a while.”
He grins, floors his electric cart, and peels out at speeds approaching 4.5 MPH.
I wander into the lounge, show my credentials, and am escorted to a post up on Mahogany Ridge.
The bar is very quiet. Besides the bartender, I can’t see anyone else in the darkened and Smooth Jazz-infused drinking emporium.
I order a local drink, a Mai Tai, just for the experience and something a bit different.
It’s served in a goldfish bowl on a stem, bedecked with a slice of lime, a sprig of mint, a stick of sugar cane, a polychromatic orchid, and the obligate paper umbrella.
“Ah. Mai Tai. I will enjoy it.” I said to no one in particular.
One was enough, and I decided to go back to the old standard. Once I explained to the bartender what that was, he made them heroic and enthusiastically.
I’m reading up on a random dossier, making notes in a new file, and puffing away on a Fuentes Onyx double Maduro Churchill cigar.
I hear a slight cough coming from my right, and this here lovely lady, she sat to my immediate starboard and looked at me semi-quizzically.
Not in the mood for shenanigans of any stripe, I give her the obligate Baja Canada nod and tilt of the drink. I return to my dossiers and continue to read and take notes.
“Excuse me!” I hear.
Fearing the worst, either the woman is Karen-oid anti-smoking or a religious fruit-and-nutburger, I slowly turn to face her and reply, somewhat glacially, I have to admit.
“What?”
“That cigar…”
“Here we go…” I mutter, eyes rolling northward.
“Smells exquisite. Could you tell me the brand? My husband would enjoy some like that.” She notes.
Instantly my demeanor switches 180^0.
“Yes, ma’am. It’s an Arturo Fuentes Onyx. Churchill size, or 60 ring x 7” length, double Maduro. Here, take one for your husband. I have an ample supply.” I smile.
“Oh, no. I couldn’t. Could I?” she asks.
“Please. I insist.” I smile the best I could given the circumstances.
“Thank you. You’re too kind…umm…Mr….?”
“Doctor. Doctor Rocknocker. World traveler, oilman, and international ambassador of amity, good drinks, and fine cigars. Call me Rock” I said.
“Oh! A Doctor?” she brightens.
“Yes, of Petroleum Geology and Engineering. Not medicine.” I chuckle.
She chuckles back.
“And I am Hella Aaberg”, as she offers her hand for a quick shake.
“Interesting name, Hella. Scandinavian or Old German heritage?” I ask.
“On my father’s side. He’s Finnish.” She replies.
“But I’ll wager your mother is not Scandinavian, correct?” I ask.
“She was from Truk, an island…”
“In the South Pacific, Micronesia. Was she from Weno city?” I asked.
“Why yes. How could you possibly know that?” she asked.
“Oh, I’ve been there. Great diving amongst the WWII wrecks. I think it’s actually called ‘Chuuk Lagoon’ or something like that now.” I said.
“That’s right! Amazing. Where else have you been?” she asked.
“Anywhere there’s oil, strife, booze, cigars, heavy explosives and typically long distances from whatever most normal people call civilization,” I replied with a chuckle.
Suddenly, I hear a voice booming out behind me.
“Why don’t you save that rapier-like wit for those musky-fuckers back home, Rocko?”
My expression changes. My eyes pop fully wide open.
“Hella?” I asked.
“Yes?”
“May I ask you a favor?”
“You can ask…”
“Thank you. Now, looking over my shoulder, is there a hulking goon of a person, thin up top, paunchy halfway down with the most ridiculously tiny sized shoes you’ve ever seen for a so-called grown man?” I ask.
“Yes. Yes, there is.” She replies.
“I thought so. Many thanks.”
I spin and launch off my barstool and grab Toivo by the hand. He hadn’t seen my left-hand Thagomizer yet.
“Toivo! You old sumbitch. What the flying fennec fox fuck are you, of all people, doing in Hawaii?” I laughed.
“Just keeping an eye on you, Rock!” he laughed equally as loud.
“No, fucking-A, seriously. What the actual fuck? What are you doing in this actual nice place?” I asked.
“Just headed to Tokyo to conduct a bit of service company business. I walked into the lounge and smelled a foul cigar. I figured it can’t be the venerable Dr. Rocknocker. He’s back at some school up north terrorizing geology and engineering grads and undergrads.” Toivo laughed.
“But there I was. Surprise!”, I laughed and pumped his hand.
“What the fuck, Rock. Now what did you do?” he asks, referring to my Ankylosaur tail club left hand.
“Ah, fuck. Long story. Oh, pardon me. Toivo, this is Hella. We were just talking about the South Seas Islands.” I said.
“Planning on running off together?” Toivo laughs, to the amusement of neither party.
“Oh, and this idiot is Toivo, a man with a congenital foot-in-mouth disorder. He’s mostly harmless.” I noted to Hella.
Greetings were shared all around. Hella made some small excuses and said she needed to depart. I gave her another cigar for her husband, shook her hand, and wished her well.
“Here’s my business card. If your husband has any questions, have him drop me a line.” I noted.
Hella smiled beautifully. She said she would. Then she thanked me shook our hands, and like that, there she was, gone.
“Well Toivo, you old bastard. Don't just stand there in the doorway like some lonesome goddamn mouse shit sheepherder, get your ass over here and have a drink.” I motioned over to my perch on Mahogany Ridge.
“Don’t mind if I do”, he says as he deftly winds his way to a seat to my left, snagging a cigar out of my pocket on the way over.
“You might want these”, I say in an exasperated tone, and hand him my gold Dunhill Hobnail lighter and V-cutter gizmo.
He cuts and fires up his heater.
“What you drinkin’, Rock”, he asks.
“Anything with alcohol, as usual. You know that Toiv.” I reply.
“No. I mean right now.” He clarifies.
“Well, I had a Mai Tai. Very nice if you like fruity, flowery drinks. It’s the locals’ favorite.” I reply.
“Sounds good. I’ll have several. And you?” Toivo asks.
“My usual. The bartender is already apprised of the situation.” I reply.
Toivo smiles the smile of one knowing his sobriety is going to be taken out for a swim. Hell, taken out and tossed into the deep end.
Toivo and I sit there, swapping lies, smoking cigars and sipping at our toddies.
Hell, Toivo was slurping them like a sump-pump during an extra-wet summer.
We chattered about family, work, whether or not Tokyo was going to host the Olympics or if the COVID-boogie man scared everyone off.
Toivo, always one afflicted with TB (“Tiny Bladder”) got up to go to the loo for the third time that hour. He left his pocket organizer on the bar and I swear on a stack of Origins of Species, I didn’t touch it.
I reached over to his vacated seat to retrieve my cigar lighter when I looked down and saw in his organizer a tab that reads “Rack & Ruin”.
“Oh. No. Fucking. Way.” I recoiled as I’d just reached out and petted a 6-foot hungover scorpion.
“One of my best friends? Secretly allied with the Agency? No. Not possible.” I drained my drink and called for another.
“No. No. No. It can’t be. No. No fucking way…” as doubt began to dissolve when I thought back to all those times I had just ‘run into’ Toivo.
“But he’s oil patch as well. That could be chalked up to coincidence.” I ruminated quizzically in my brain.
I quickly reflected back on J.M. Darhower: “Yes, you see, there’s no such thing as coincidence. There are no accidents in life. Everything that happens is the result of a calculated move that leads us to where we are.”
She may be the author of the execrable New Adult Sempre series, which Esme likes and I loathe, but she might just be right on this occasion.
Toivo return, lighter in the bladder and good sense. He never even noticed he’d left his organizer out in broad bar light for all to see.
“So, Toivo, when’s your flight?” I ask.
“Oh, man. Was I lucky. The JAL flight to Tokyo from Los Angeles had mechanical trouble and had to divert here. I got a ticket on the plane for that flight, when it continues.
“You mean ‘if it continues’,” I replied.
“Yeah. Yeah. That’s what I meant. Hey! Was that your flight?” he asks innocently. He’s really innocent of fieldcraft.
I decide to have some fun at my old friend’s expense.
“Yep. Hit some CAT (Clear Air Turbulence) and the JAL pilots reported some lighting problem. No apparent ruin to any of the systems. They relay racked their brains to figure it out, but they couldn’t that’s why I here.” I said, waiting for the words to swim upstream in Toivo’s coconut and make some sort of connection.
“Yeah. Double lucky. No problem with the plane and I get to go to Japan early.” Toivo crookedly grins.
“So, no trouble with the plane? Then why haven’t I heard that the flight’s going to resume?” I asked as I pushed a fresh, seriously strong drink to Toivo.
“Oh, must have heard it in the john.” Toivo countered and tried to cover his tracks by taking a huge gulp of his drink and damn near dying coughing.
I pound on Toivo’s back.
“Heimlich time?” I ask.
Toivo signals ‘no’.
“Jesus Christ, Rock. What was that?” he asks.
“Just my usual”, I innocently replied.
“Holy fuck. No wonder you have the reputation of…” Toivo realizes too late that he’s said too much.
“Yeah. They can rack you out. Really ruin a person if they’re not careful.” I reply icily.
“Why, Rock. Whatever do you mean?” Toivo slurred as he realized he’s been caught out.
“The jig is up, you turncoat. You know Agents Rack and Ruin from the agency. Right? You keeping tabs on me for them? You Quisling! You Benedict Arnold!” I almost was on the verge of losing my cool.
“It was nothing. They approached me years ago as I kept being mentioned in your reports. They asked me for some information. One thing leads to another…” Toivo was ready for an Ankylosaur tail club swat to the bean.
“Oh, put your fucking hands down, you asshole.” I smiled and chuckled.
“You’re not mad?” Toivo slurred badly. I had the bartender make him another special drink.
“No, Toivo. Not mad. Just disappointed.” I said, smiling like a Komodo Dragon just finishing up a fortnight-old wildebeest.
Toivo sat there and puzzled and puzzled until his puzzler was sore.
“You’re not going to kill me or anything rude like that?” Toivo asked, half-assedly trying to inject humor into the proceedings.
“Nah. The paperwork’s too ridiculous for me to do another liberation. But, Jesus Fucking Christwagons, Toivo; you could have mentioned it to me. Fuck, I thought we were friends to the end?” I said, dejectedly.
I was really getting through to Toivo. I could tell he was loaded; feeling like shit and massively deplorable.
Great fieldcraft, indeed.
I told him things “are what they are” and that I won’t blow his cover nor his honorarium.
He began to feel better. I often wonder if he was serious about the sanctioning thing.
Then I delivered the strategic missile strike.
“Just remember, Toivo. I wrote your dossier for the Company…”
He swivels to look at me.
“And one for the KGB. Olga says ‘howdy’.” I grin evilly.
Toivo short-circuited at that. Russia is his company’s bread and butter. Now he has the KGB as well as his best buddy looking over his shoulder at every move.
I bought him a few more drinks and continued to needle him about his ’leading a double life’. He was well and truly fuckered when the electric tap-tap driver from before came looking for me to whisk me back to the plane.
Seems it was simply some knocked-out wires on the plane, or slammed bulbs that were generating a false positive, indicating something other than the system that alerts one to something haywire went haywire.
Toivo was pretty much down for the count. I got him sober enough to hand them his ticket and ensure that he was really supposed to be on this flight. Thing was; h e was in Economy, and I was, as always, in Business.
I spoke to Luna, and the plane was going to be even less crowded than previously because some folks could or wouldn’t wait, or didn’t want to go on with the rest of the trip on a ‘damaged’ aircraft, or were just stupid and superstitious.
“Luna, could I pay for the difference between Business and Economy for my less than 100% conscious friend here? He’s had a rough day.” I asked.
“Dr. Rock. Just put him into Business. No one will be the wiser. Luna says so.” As she gave us a grand smile.
“Luna, I owe you. Thanks so much.” I said.
“Now get on board. Your friend looks like he needs all the downtime he can get.”
“Yes, ma’am!” I said and saluted here be best I could which dragging a schnozzled Toivo down the jetway.
I dumped Toivo in a window seat well away from my seat. I know Toivo. He snores like a semi-load of live hogs rocketing downhill locking up the brakes at 88 MPH.
Surprise! There was no one else in Business. Luna looked at me, at Toivo, and gave me a thumbs up.
Whatever I can write to further her career at JAL, she’ll have it before I deplane.
We finally get everyone settled, and with Captain Kangaroo at the helm, we bounced gracelessly off the tarmac, into the warm, tropical Hawaiian air, finally headed for the Land of the Rising Sun.
Toivo was snoring like a chainsaw hitting rusty nails as I worked on the various letters, communiques, and dossiers which needed updating before we reached touchdown. I gave Luna a thick letter with instructions not to open it until we were on the ground and Toivo and I were well off and away into the terminal.
We left Hawaii at 1300 hours, so we should arrive at Tokyo Nareda around 4:00 pm, the previous day. I was so bereft of time and time zones, I couldn’t figure out what time it really was, as judged by my biometric rhythms, so I asked Luna for a stiff drink as I was kicking off my boots and going to attempt to get some kip.
She brought me another liter or so eponymous drink. I was sawing logs by the time I slurped the last swig of that nifty drink.
Suddenly, or later, I have no idea really, some loudmouth drunk asshole from way-the-fuck-back in economy-land toward the ass end of the plane staggered into Business demanding free drinks.
Luna was nothing but civil, and asked him to both shut up and return to his seat. His air cabin hostess, or whatever the fuck they’re calling them these days, will attend to his needs.
“Naw they won’t! They want me to pay for more drinks! I’m broke but I demand more booze! You fucking owe me.” railed the asshole. “I sat at the bar in Hawaii for four hours. Them fuckers charged me an arm and a leg!”
“No, they don’t owe you shit”, I said in a voice that unmistakably loud and clear.
“Fuck you, old man! You stay the fuck out of this!” he bellowed. “Shut up or I’ll do ya’!”
“’Old man’? ‘Do me’? Excuse me. Luna, may I have a word alone with this individual?” I asked sweetly.
Luna shook her head in the affirmative, and I stood up to confront this flagrant asshole.
“Now look, Scooter. You have gone way, way over the fucking line. You are loud. You are abusive. You are obnoxious. And you stink. Plus you insulted a person who is just barely containing his righteous wrath right now. So, I’m giving you one and one only chance to shut up, sit back down before your body spontaneously develops all sort of bruises, contusions, broken bones, and unconsciousness.” I said calmly, evenly, and threateningly.
“What da’ fuck you think you’re going to do…old man?” he screeched, trying to inflate himself into full mammalian threat posture, all 5’ 9” of it.
He didn’t notice Toivo walking up quietly behind him, as Toivo was returning from the head, quiet as a moose.
“Well, Scooter, I am an Air Marshall. Duly appointed, fully trained, and properly pissed off. Right now, I can arrest you, physically detain you, turn this flight around and take you to the Hawaiian police, at your cost for the inconvenience of the entire flight. Or I could arrest you, physically detain you, and turn you over to the Japanese authorities when we land. It’s really your choice. Choose wisely.”
To be continued…⇝