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Nineteen NAliday Collection Reviews

I am back with more NAVA reviews! This time I am focusing only on the NAliday collection that recently came out. The collection will come down on December 27th. So if you have any you're thinking about picking up, hopefully these reviews will be helpful for you. :) I also included a review of a new Studio Limited scent coming in 2021, Vanilla Opal.
I have tested my bottles and decants at least once. The decants rested for less time before testing so I indicated how many days rest they had. The bottles rested at least one week before testing.
I've broken the reviews into: Resurgence collection, New collection, and final thoughts. I added a TLDR to each scent as well so hopefully if you want to skim read, that will work better for you.

Resurgence Collection

Sandalwood Chai (Notes: Chai Black Tea with spices of Allspice/Black Clove/Nutmeg, Santalum Absolute and Vanilla Beans)
TLDR? Chai tea (not spicy) with NAVA's Santalum note.
Ginger Bee (Notes: Orange Blossom Honey accord (creamy honey – this is a new honey we’ve created that is not like previous Black Honey accord) White Ginger essence, Ginger essential oil, Bastet’s Amber absolute, Moonstone Absolute and Ginger Rhizomes)
TLDR? Bright honey and cozy, almost candied, ginger.
​Cardamom Vanilla Bee (Notes: Orange Blossom Honey accord (creamy honey – this is a new honey we’ve created that is not like previous Black Honey accord), organic Cardamom (Guatemala) Pod, Bastet’s Amber absolute, Moonstone Absolute, Bastet’s Ice Cream Vanilla Bean and unreleased Honey Musk) This one is sold out
TLDR? Bright honey and spicy cardamom.
​Garden Rose Bee (Notes: Orange Blossom Honey accord (creamy honey – this is a new honey we’ve created that is not like previous Black Honey accord), Black Rose, White Garden Rose, Bastet’s Amber Absolute and Eternal Ankh Absolute)
TLDR? Better for Spring. The rose is plush and you get the green from the flower.
Vanilla Dreams (Notes: Bastet’s Ice Cream absolute, Tonka Bean concrete, Bourbon Vanille absolute, White Patchouli, Pear, Pink Grapefruit essence, Raspberry essence, Muguet flower, Vanilla Orchid and a rich creamy Egyptian Musk to scent your dreams)
TLDR? More musky and less vanilla than I thought.
A kiss upon her shoulder (Notes: Mimosa Flower, Gardenia, Hyacinth, Jasmine, Lilac, Eternal Ankh absolute, Skin Musk, Peach skin and eNVie saphir amber musk) - I bought this from someone earlier this year
TLDR? A pleasant floral.

New Collection

Hotsy Totsy (Notes: Strawberry infused Champagne accord, Champagne Musk accord, Crystalline Absolute, dash of Pink Sugar accord, Fruit Musk essence from apple/orange and pineapple) - 2 day rest
TLDR? A disappointment - strawberry shampoo
NAliday Tree (Notes: Siberian Fir Tree essence, Balsam Tree essence, Pine Needle essence, Crystalline and a little Forest Pine Wood essence) - rested 1 day
TLDR? This one surprised me by how much I liked it! It's definitely a sweetened Christmas tree
Bellus (Notes: Neroli, Lily of the Valley, Jasmine, Tuberose, Rose, Honeysuckle, Musk and Kashmir Red Musk) - rested 1 day
TLDR? Musky floral.
Foxes in Sweaters & Scarves (Notes: Vanilla infused Maple accord, White Cake accord, Vanilla Icing, Vanilla Bean Whole and Absolute) - 3 day rest
TLDR? Maple cream cookies
Llama Llama (Notes: Vanilla infused Sandalwood, Cashmere Vanilla accord, Indian Sandalwood, French Vanilla Bean and Santalum Absolute) - 3 day rest
TLDR? Disappointing - the cashmere vanilla is strong and takes over the sandalwood
Pfeffersneuse Chai (Notes: Spiced Chai Tea with Clove, Nutmeg and Black Allspice berries, Fresh Ginger Peel, Buttercream Icing accord, Star Anise, Golden Cinnamon and Pink Sugar)
TLDR? Disappointingly not spicy. It is a milky chai.
Seth’s Ultimate Vanilla Sugar Cookie (Notes: Vanilla Bean, Crystalline, Warm and buttery Sugar Cookie accord, Sugar, Butter cookie accord, Buttercream and Tahitian Vanilla Bean) - rested 1 day
TLDR? As it says on the tin - a sugary vanilla cookie.
Affogato (Notes: Vanilla Ice Cream accord, Italian Espresso Bean, Freshly Brewed Morning Coffee accord, Arabica Coffee Bean Absolute, Crystalline Absolute, Italian Cream and warmed Coffee Bean essence)
TLDR? ??? Smells like betrayal but then becomes delightful?
Catcoa & Cardamom (Notes: Cocoa chocolate accord, Crystalline Mallow Studio blend, Green Cardamom essential oil spice, Hot Cocoa and melting Marshmallow accord) - 2 day rest
TLDR? Spicy hot chocolate!
Black Tails & White Whiskers (Notes: Soy Milk Chocolate Mocha Coffee accord, Cacao bean, Warm Coffee, Chocolate Syrup, Sweet Cream and Whipped Cream) - 3 day rest
TLDR? Same horrifying coffee note from Affogato is here but now with more cream and chocolate. Not for me.
Peppermint Coffee Cat (Notes: Peppermint essential oil, Morning Coffee, Egyptian Coffee beans, Caramel accord, Marshmallow, Sandalwood essence and Vanilla) - 3 day rest
TLDR? PEPPERMINT with the same horrifying coffee note from Affogato and Black Tails and White Whiskers. But it is hidden better by the PEPPERMINT.
Orange Vanilla Shercat (Notes: Orange Sherbet accord, Orange zest, Vanilla Sugar, Bastet’s Ice Cream accord, Australian Sandalwood and Santalum Absolute) - rested 1 day
TLDR? Orange creamsicle.
Vanilla Opal (Notes: Bastet’s Vanilla Custard accord, Bastet’s Ice Cream Absolute accord, Crystalline Vanilla Absolute, Vanilla Pudding accord, Vanilla Liqueur accord, True Vanilla Absolute from pod/fleck/orchid, French Vanilla Whole Beans pods, Bavarian Crème accord, Vanilla Crème, Vanilla Caramel, Brown Sugar and Vanilla Cookie essence accord)
TLDR? May be a cousin to Valentine Vanila Bean Cake. Stunner.

Final Thoughts

I went ham on this release and picked up a lot of bottles. Out of the bottles I bought, my favourite is the Sandalwood Chai. I am a HUGE fan though of NAVA's Santalum note so this wasn't really a risky purchase for me. I also really like the Bees collections that NAVA is putting out. I'm hoping with more rest, they all will get better. I was disappointed by Pfeffersneuse Chai because I was hoping for more spices. Hopefully rest will help!
I sampled a lot of the new collection and a lot of them were really meh for me. However, I would consider full sizing the following:
Did you pick anything up from the NAliday collection? What was your favourite? What was the worst? Does anyone else get the weird onion and coffee note I get from the cats???
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Reviews of 21 scents from various houses...BATTLE STYLE! (Gingerbreads, Vanillas, White Ambers, Marshmallows, and Cozies)

Hey, all! These warm, cozy, foodie fall and winter scents are just too much temptation, so I thought it might be helpful to give you a comparison of similar scents I've tried from different houses for the sake of comparison. For fun, I did it battle style and named my favorite at the end of each section. I'll be comparing scents with the following dominant notes:
My tastes, for reference: I love vanillic, woody, white/golden amber, and spicy notes. Anything skin-but-better is my jam, and I have a massive soft spot for fall/winter gourmands. I'm warming up to resinous scents very, very slowly. Honey goes gross on me 99% of the time, and I stay away from dirt/earth/soil, strong musks, black ambers, strong resins, patchouli, and incense-forward scents.
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ROUND 1: BATTLE OF THE GINGERBREADS!
Only one will compel me to decapitate an innocent cookie, but which will it be?
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Alkemia Hexenhauschen
Description: A gingerbread house redolent of cinnamon, clove, cassia, tart lemon peel, black treacle syrup, nestled in an enchanted forest of balsam pine, cedarwood, juniper, and sweet balsam.
Review: Oohhh, spicy gingerbread with lots of molasses. I have a soft spot for a good treacle note, and this one has it. The lemon comes through pretty quickly, which makes me sad because even though it makes the scent “balanced” and “realistic,” I just want to smell like the inside of a gingerbread man. If you don’t mind a hint of lemon, though, this is a very true-to-life, toasty gingerbread scent.
Who do I imagine wearing this? She chops her own firewood and builds badass gingerbread castles
FS, DS, or KS? FSed before I realized lemon is my nemesis
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Arcana Gingerbread (Layering Note)
Description: The very essence of coziness. The vivid warmth of luxe golden ginger, gingerbread, warm ginger cookies, and delicately piped icing.
Review: In the bottle, Gingerbread is mellow. It’s a baked, solely ginger-driven version of the treat; I actually don’t even get the icing note in this scent. On the skin, it starts as warm ginger, but after drydown, a strange citrus note comes bursting out like the Kool-Aid Man. I can’t explain it, y’all-- I’m just reporting it. To be fair, I have now tried both a newer version of Gingerbread and an aged version, and the aged version is much better and more nuanced, but I eventually get citrus from both.
Who do I imagine wearing this? Your boss who wants to be seasonal but inoffensively so
FS, DS, or KS? KS
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Hexennacht Gingerdead Man
Description: spectral-like swirls of marshmallow goo and snappy, spicy gingerbread
Review: The spice thwaps you in the nose right off the bat with just a hint of sweetness barely rounding it out. However, as soon as Gingerdead Man’s on the skin, the marshmallow note starts coming through as a toasty sweetness that evens out that spice really nicely. This trend continues into drydown and throughout wear, and it ends up smelling like you’re taking a big ol’ whiff of one of Grandma’s frosting-covered gingerbread men.
Who do I imagine wearing this? A person who looks unfairly amazing in ugly Christmas sweaters
FS, DS, or KS? FS
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Possets Gingerbread Whorehouse
Description: This is European Gingerbread given an American Cajun jolt with the spices: ginger, black pepper (!), clove, cinnamon, coriander, and a kiss of pink pepper. Sweet, foody, gourmand, spicy.
Review: In the bottle, this smells like the perfect gingerbread dough-- spicy, a tiny bit sweet, and complex. Wet on the skin, it keeps that spiciness and complexity (which spice am I smelling?!). HOWEVER, the drydown is...less exciting. It’s not bad, and if you want a subtle gingerbread scent, this one is for you. On me, though, it becomes almost soapy over time, which I think may be the coriander. Interestingly, this scent hasn’t always morphed on my skin.
Who do I imagine wearing this? Your friend who giggles at the name because she’s a thirteen year-old in a thirty-something body (and that’s why you like her)
FS, DS, or KS? KS
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Solstice Scents Dark Ginger Spicecake
Description: Gingerbread, Vetiver, Patchouli, Cedar, Amber, Benzoin.
Review: I’m very particular about patchouli, in that I hate it. I’m open-minded enough in my loathing to try it when it’s a house I trust and a note that is more of a supporting cast member than the star of the show. In Dark Ginger Spicecake, the patch is definitively secondary to the gingerbread and vetiver when the oil is wet. The scent goes on very much as a dry gingerbread, but after drydown, it gets a tiny bit musty, I’m guessing from some combination of the vetiver and patch. Not as sweet as the name implies, fwiw.
Who do I imagine wearing this? The coworker who explains winter solstice so beautifully that you immediately find a Happy Yuletide card on Etsy to give them
FS, DS, or KS? KS
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***THE WINNER IS...Hexennacht Gingerdead Man**\*
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ROUND 2: BATTLE OF THE VANILLAS!
In a sea of basic beans, these scents stand out as unique takes on vanilla, but which is worth FSing?
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Alkemia Vanille Amour
Description: A beguilingly spicy, delightfully sexy blend of Madagascar and Tahitian vanillas and Tonka in with a warm melange of ancient Ottoman trade spices including cardamon, ginger, and Grains of Paradise.
Review: Whenever I smell this, I think “Christmas vanilla.” It’s a wonderfully spiced vanilla that is distinctly warm and leans almost a little waxy. It’s not really foodie--almost a candlemaker’s version of gourmand. A word of warning to anyone interested in Vanille Amour: Do not go with the ultime strength unless you *want* the waxiness to be exacerbated. I had to DS the FS I got in the stronger version because it was less “sexy vanilla oil” and more “spicy vanilla candle.“ On the other hand, if you love Alkemia’s Luminae, you’d probably prefer that extra waxiness.
Who do I imagine wearing this? They are all-American sexy but 100% own at least three pieces of leather clothing. Take that as you will.
FS, DS, or KS? FS
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Arcana Rich Vanilla (Layering Note)
Description: A deep, rich gourmand scent laced with French creme and dark Madagascar vanilla extract.
Review: Both in the bottle and on the skin, this is a golden, buttery vanilla. There is no airy vanilla bean or sugary sweet vanilla frosting; the closest foodie comparison I can make is actually sweetened condensed milk, but even that lacks the butter note. It smells the same in the bottle as on the skin to me, and it is long-lasting and doesn’t really change over the hours.
Who do I imagine wearing this? They wear sequins unironically from November to January and look fabulous
FS, DS, or KS? FS
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Hexennacht Spectre
Description: vanilla, vanilla, and more vanilla. NO bakery/caramel notes.
Review: Dry vanilla. That’s it. Like Rich Vanilla, it smells pretty much the same on the skin as in the bottle, but unlike the Arcana scent, Spectre isn’t super long-lasting on my skin. It’s a foodier version of Apparition, and tbh, I prefer Apparition. It’s not at all BAD, just not worth FSing when there are so many other options for interesting vanillas and Apparition fills that subtle layering note so nicely.
Who do I imagine wearing this? This is gonna sound crazy, but I imagine a figurehead royal who spends their days doing humanitarian work wearing this scent as a sweet/not-too-sweet, vanilla/not-too-vanilla fragrance. I’m not saying Meghan Markle wears Spectre, but what if she did???
FS, DS, or KS? KS
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***THE WINNER IS...Arcana Rich Vanilla**\*
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​
ROUND 3: BATTLE OF THE WHITE AMBERS!
They all make big promises about imbuing the wearer with haunting beauty, but which will make you the ethereal-est?
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Alkemia Ghost Fire
Description: A preternaturally beautiful blend of ethereal white ambers
Review: White amber is one of my favorite notes, so I’m immediately biased. “Ethereal” is a good word for this, as it’s one of those scents that creates an aura of goodness around you. Ghost Fire leans to the sweeter side of white amber but has decent throw for what is ostensibly a skin-but-better scent. My only complaint is that after two to three hours of wear, it starts to go a little aquatic or melon on me.
Who do I imagine wearing this? A person who has actual handkerchiefs instead of those tiny packages of Kleenex like the rest of us heathens
FS, DS, or KS? KS
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Hexennacht Ambre Blanc (solinote)
Description: white amber
Review: The scent is as-advertised: It’s a white amber. It’s a nice white amber-- not too sweet, doesn’t go aquatic.
Who do I imagine wearing this?
FS, DS, or KS? KS
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Hexennacht Apparition
Description: spectral amber, alabaster vanilla, bone-white woods
Review: So, this is definitely white amber dominant, but the vanilla and wood notes tone it down quite a bit. Apparition can be worn alone, but I get the impression it is geared more toward layering because it is extremely subtle. I actually do like Apparition alone, though; it wears very close to the skin, gives that “I’m just a person who naturally smells good” impression, and is well-blended. The scent fades relatively quickly on my skin, and I do wish it had a bit more throw.
Who do I imagine wearing this? A gym studio owner who is aiming for inclusivity instead of “middle school gym class”
FS, DS, or KS? KS, consider FS for layering
NAVA Eternal Ankh
Description: White Amber, Powdered and reconstructed oil of Egyptian Vanilla Husk, Vanilla fleck, African White Vanilla and the scent of soft Egyptian Sands.
Review: Subtle white amber that leans dry and has hints of vanilla. If NAVA tends to wear heavy on you, try Eternal Ankh; it is one of the most perfect skin-but-better scents and doesn’t seem to lean either cool or warm. It lasts for quite a while without reapplication and wears close to the skin.
Who do I imagine wearing this? A person who is perpetually unbothered. Cut off in traffic? Keeps singing along to the radio. Long wait for an oil change? Good thing they have all of these awesome podcasts to listen to.
FS, DS, or KS? FS
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***THE WINNER IS...NAVA Eternal Ankh**\*
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ROUND 4: BATTLE OF THE MARSHMALLOWS!
Marshmallow often softens rougher scents as a sidekick, but what about when it goes rogue?
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Alpha Musk Marshmallow Musk
Description: Fluffy marshmallow, dried marshmallow minis, touch of caramel covered marshmallows, over a warm soft golden vanilla musk
Review: Melty, caramel marshmallows that eventually fade to vanilla musk. There’s no powderiness, which was a relief. This is legit marshmallows and caramel-- not much more to note here. Needless to say, this is SWEET.
Who do I imagine wearing this? She was the most popular girl in 9th grade, and now she’s the most popular girl in her sorority.
FS, KS, or DS? KS for now
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Arcana Marshmallow LN
Description: The scent of a soft, fluffy, vanilla-infused marshmallow.
Review: Huh. Well. It’s a marshmallow. Oh, that’s not helpful? I suppose the best I can do here is comparing smelling this marshmallow layering note to taking an actual puffy marshmallow out of a bag and taking a whiff. It is powdery, vaguely sweet, and pretty faint. I can barely smell it on my skin.
Who do I imagine wearing this? A little girl who really, really, really, wants to wear perfume, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE???
FS, DS, or KS? KS
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Hexennacht Zozimus
Description: fresh floofy marshmallow fluff
Review: I’ve waxed poetic about Hex’s marshmallow note in reviews many times before. Imagine my surprise when I was told there was a marshmallow solinote in the general catalog all along. C’est la vie. Zozimus is sweet but not cloying, a touch musky but not overwhelmingly so, a teensy bit toasted but not remotely caramel, and surprisingly long-lasting for such a sweet note. It does occasionally have a sharp edge that borders on powdesoap if I overapply, but I’m not sure what causes that.
Who do I imagine wearing this? Someone who wears big black boots some days and ballet flats others; they are both alluring and confounding
FS, DS, or KS? FS
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***THE WINNER IS...Hexennacht Zozimus**\*
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ROUND 5: BATTLE OF THE COZIES
Everyone loves a good blanket or sweater on a cold winter night, but whose smells the best?
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Cocoa Pink Cozy Blanket
Description: Fresh vanilla notes kissed with black vanilla bean, bourbon vanilla, sweet creamy vanilla, amber white with delicate hints of white sandalwood and aged patchouli.
Review: I withheld my natural distrust of patch because it was listed last and reviews said the scent was too well-blended to pick out the patchouli as a distinct note. I’m glad I didn’t rule out Cozy Blanket because it’s a great scent overall. It starts out as a sweet but not too-sweet vanilla with bits of creamy sandalwood. You can get a hint of something that smells musty-but-clean in the bottle, and that vibe comes through more after drydown. Imagine you’re wearing a beautiful vanilla and sandalwood perfume; then, you wrap yourself in a clean blanket that has been in the closet for a year. That’s this scent.
Who do I imagine wearing this? All of us in November 2020
FS, KS, or DS? KS
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Death and Floral Cardigan
Description: Bergamot and spiced cardamom blended with Egyptian musk superior and sandalwood
Review: This is not a cardigan. I don’t mean to be contrary (yesIdo), but I would like to request a name change. The bergamot and cardamom are sharp and distinct, and the Egyption musk is just as musky as you would imagine. The sandalwood is lost, though I’m guessing it’s what smooths the scent out enough that it is wearable.
Who do I imagine wearing this? They make their own soap and thus always smell like said soap
FS, KS, or DS? DS
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Haus of Gloi His Sweater
Description: A well worn woolen sweater infused with brisk outdoor air, a hint of incense and clean skin musk. Accompanied by three woods and a root: western red cedar heartwood, hawthorn accord and Japanese hiba with a touch of calamus root.
Review: This is much closer to a sweater scent than some of the other fragrances I’ve tried that are named after cold weather apparel *cough*D&F Cardigan*cough*. The wool is musty without being gross, and I get strong incense, a hint of cedar, and that...stink (?) of outdoor air. You know how you can smell the outdoors on your clothes once you come inside, and it smells gross but also kinda good? That’s what I’m talking about. I’m waffling on this one because of the incense note.
Who do I imagine wearing this? Your friend who is too good for this world
FS, KS, or DS? KS for now
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Nui Cobalt Favorite Sweater
Description: The perfect balance of cool and cozy. White oak and blonde teakwood, copal resin, crushed coriander, lamb's wool accord, a touch of creamy chai, and a spritz of green mandarin.
Review: Sweet, subtle, and smooth. This is a clean wool with a subtle chai, and honestly, most of the notes are blended so, so well that I can’t pick them out individually. Does this smell like a favorite sweater? Eh, maybe after wearing it after putting lotion on your body. It’s too nice for me to be salty, though.
Who do I imagine wearing this? Her messy bun looks better than your hair after coming back from the salon
FS, KS, or DS? KS for now
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Poesie Blanket
Description: softest vanilla musk
Review: This kind of scent is 100% my jam. Boring, you say? Pshhht. This is skinlike, vanillic, subtle, and warm. It wears close to the skin and, after four or five hours, wears down to a light musk.
Who do I imagine wearing this? Someone who can make a bathrobe and bedhead look sexy
FS, KS, or DS? KS and got an Ajevie chonk to supplement
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Poesie Cardigan
Description: creamy Mysore sandalwood spiced with cardamom pods & pimento berries, French vanilla, white chocolate, comforting sweater musk
Review: Lovely, soft, and warm. Cardigan is the perfect name for this scent. It reminds me of Blanket but more complex-- sort of a sweeter, woodier version of Blanket. Another scent it is close-ish to is Andromeda’s Curse’s Gryphon. This is a super wearable, feminine-leaning, subtle scent.
Who do I imagine wearing this? The women in L.L. Bean catalog photos standing on cabin steps with rustic flannel and immaculately beachy waves
FS, KS, or DS? KS
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***THE WINNER IS...Poesie Cardigan but only by thismuch. Blanket and Favorite Sweater were right on its heels, and Cozy Blanket isn’t half bad either.**\*
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I'm rewriting FIGHT CLUB as FART CLUB. Am I a cool guy?

Colin gets me a job as a janitor. Shortly after that, he's shoving a suppository up my rear-end and saying that the first step towards ripping an everlasting fart is to completely cleanse one's colon. For a long time, Colin Prolaps was my best friend. People never asked, and I assume that they didn't want to know, but Colin was always egging me on to push just a little bit harder when farting even though indulging his wishes usually ended up ruining a pair of drawers. This was quickly shaping up to be one of those times.
A turtle head began pressing upon my clean, white undies- my LAST pair of clean, white undies. "You really won't shit yourself." Colin insisted.
I could feel the castor oil begin to squish out from between my buttcheeks. If you want to truly fart hard without crapping your pants, you have to administer castor oil to both ends for at least 24 hours prior to letting it truly rip. Try to fart any sooner than that, and you're guaranteed to launch a big shiny turd like a high-explosive howitzer shell straight through your drawers and down your pant leg.
"You're thinking of ghost turds. This isn't a ghost turd, Colin."
The mattress we're lying on won't be salvageable in a few minutes. You take 98% pure castor oil and add three-times the amount of refried beans by volume, then wash it all down with a case of PBR and you've got gas that'll melt lacquer from half a mile away.
I know this because Colin knows this.
Add a pot of strong coffee and you've got a nice clip of wet ones that'll choke a pig, but will melt holes in even the thickest pair of drawers. Some folks swear that loading-up on metamucil keeps the farts cleaner for longer, but that's never worked for me or Colin.
So Colin and I are spooning atop a brand-new luxury mattress as the unspeakable contents of my bowels go from asking permission to insisting upon joining the party. Even on a bed this comfy, the sense of what is to come makes it almost impossible to relax. I use the term 'almost' because the one part of my body that IS willing to relax is the one heroically keeping a pandora's box of the unspeakable at bay. I feel like I have to fart. A little voice inside of me- or is it just Colin whispering to me? I can't tell the difference anymore. The voice is telling me that it's just a fart- that I can let just a little bit out.
I begin to relax.
It feels dry.
Push a little bit.
The feeling of relief gives way to one of wet, warm filth. The fleeting warmth and feelings of relief give way to shame and panic as the expensive sheets are surely about to be ruined. The half-dissolved suppository seems to slip out, causing a discomforting sensation like you just tried to stick a chicken wing slathered in hot sauce and blue cheese up your ass, but the dressing does nothing to ease the burn, instead helping the hot sauce get into places you didn't even know existed.
Somewhere in the building, the self-proclaimed Toilet Bowel Cleaners, aka members of Project Plunger, are helping themselves to each and every roll of TP.
There's an old saying, "never trust a fart." Well, maybe this fart shouldn't have trusted ME.
With all sorts of things having been shoved up your ass, you can only guess at what's going on back there. Even the world's toughest bouncer can only do so much when asked to single-handedly keep a world of literal shit at bay.
Ask me how to make stink bombs from garlic and vinegar. These are the things you won't find online or in cookbooks. You can really ruin someone's day by adding a bit of honey to the mix to make it smell rather pleasant until the concoction gets a minute or two of air-time. Add salt and yeast to a batch in a sealed container and you've got a slow fuse that'll eventually blow when least expected.
Fake turds? I'll show you how to make ones that look AND smell like the real thing.
These drawers won't hold up much longer.
Sure, it'll take a while for the devil's hot cocoa to soak through to the mattress, but there's no stopping it. I wonder if my pants are still salvageable.
In just a few minutes, this toxic sludge will begin to soak into my jeans, then the sheets, the comforter, the mattress cover, then finally, the memory foam.
Colin snuggles closer to me and I feel a warm wetness squish against my butt cheeks. Just a few moments outside of the colon manages to let the mess drop just slightly below body temperature. The uncanny valley that exists between body temp and warm pool water sends chills down my spine. I thought of her- I thought of Anita.
Anita Whypmoore and Colin Prolaps seemed to be pulling me in two different directions- jockeying for my attention ever since this all began. Either one on their own is about as big a pain in the ass as I could have ever imagined. Dealing with both of them simultaneously is, well, a problem that I haven't the luxury of fixing at my own leisure.
Having Anita Whypmoore AND this Colin Prolaps in my life at the same time was a problem that had been coming to a head for weeks, but hindsight is about as useful as looking at your own asshole in the mirror. Yes, it's a mess back there, but what exactly do you propose to do about it? Sometimes it's best to leave that mystery unsolved- that's why I prefer black or brown drawers, and why Colin only ever wears white ones. Anita preferred red panties, but she had her own issues.
There's no turning back now. This mattress will be ruined in no time. Why oh why didn't I got for the brown set of sheets? Why didn't I opt for the protective cover? Why did I always let Colin call the shots?
I let go of my bowels as Colin squeezes me even tighter. Colin always told me to let it out even if it would surely ruin my pants. Well, Colin, here's to both of our pants being ruined.
Crapter 2
Hugh Jass' buttcrack peeked out from above the waistband of his off-white drawers. I can only assume that those drawers were originally bright white, but Hugh was the sort of guy to run things into the ground. The small patch of hair atop Hugh's crack reminded me of Wilson from Home Improvement. The more you got to see the very top of what was likely a big, fat, hairy ass, the more you wanted to yank down his pants to have a proper look at it.
"Could you hand me that drain snake? There's something gnarly down here."
I broke eye-contact with Hugh's coin-slot and rifled through the tool bag for the snake. Random metal washers at the bottom of the bag jingled around like loose change and i was once again fantasizing about dropping a shiny new quarter down the crack of Hugh's ass to see if a stale gumball or cheap keychain would roll out his pant leg.
"Quit staring at my ass, Seymour."
Hugh had taken to calling me Seymour. Seymour Butts was my given moniker since no one really needed or wanted to know my government name. I was a plumber's apprentice who spent most of the workday staring at my mentor's ass. If I simply logged enough hours at the precipice of the human grand canyon, I was told I'd make journeyman some day.
I still miss Hugh and his ass. I still can't watch re-runs of Home Improvement without crying like a bitch. Speaking of bitch-crying, that's how I met Anita.
Hugh and i worked for a plumbing company that was contracted to work at this haughty-taughty country club where old fucks paid way too much money to walk around naked in the locker rooms, fart in the saunas, and hang out with other old fucks who hated their spouses.
Hugh was once a private contractor- his own boss. When printed ads and phonebook listings gave way to online directories, scathing tales of his butt crack and beer breath put him at the bottom of the list when searching for plumbers.
Too many Yelp reviews, and you have to work under someone else's company.
It's easy to think of yourself as a piece of shit when you spend your days fixing toilets for people who are just as likely to poop in the shower and use their feet to push it down the drain.
Hugh looks after me because he thinks that my buttcrack and beer breath derailed me from loftier goals, too.
Around us in the ladies' locker room one day, we were about to extract the treasure of the Sierra Madrid from one of the shower drains. Most women yelled at us for doing this sort of work during daylight hours, insisting that their rapidly thinning hair and copious amounts of shit tickets wait until after hours to completely clog the drains and toilets.
The sound of flip-flops echoed through the locker room, terminating at the bathroom stalls. Sounds of straining and grunting were followed by what can only be described as explosive diarrhea. The click of a Bic lighter soon followed as the smells of Virginia Slims and liquid death hit my nose at the exact moment that the sounds of contented relief echoed throughout the tile-clad facility.
"You guys are gonna need more TP!" she announced.
Neither the sound of the toilet flushing nor that of running water from the sink were heard. Instead, the sounds of zippers being pulled and a heap of clothing hitting the tile floor preceded what was soon to become the all-too-familiar sound of flip-flops on tile.
Anita casually strode past Hugh and I in full birthday attire to the shower stall adjacent to the one in which we were working. Hugh whistled audibly and Anita flicked her half-spent cigarette in his direction. By some miracle, the still smoldering butt ricocheted off the wall and landed directly in the crack of Hugh's exposed ass.
Many things changed for me in that moment. For one, Hugh walked off the job making me the de-facto lead plumber on site. Second, I knew true love for perhaps the first time in many, many years. As a mass of hair and turds emerged from the drain that I was working on, Anita let out a grunt and a wet fart. As she stomped the bits of doodoo down the drain and began to lather up be biggest bush I'd ever seen, it occurred to me that she was the reason why the shower drains were always getting clogged.
After cleaning up the additional hair and bits of corn and peas, reality did what reality does and reminded me, via an abrupt kick in the nuts, that I haven't got the luxury to live entirely in my own head- at least not during work hours.
Cleaning up after Anita became part of my daily routine. I figured that it'd be easier to just sweep as much of the shit and hair off of the floor before it went down the drain than to wait for it to build up. Her toilet habits were a completely different and altogether horrifying menace. I know from my time in this business that some women are hesitant to put their bare asses on toilets that, god-forbid, someone else may have touched.
Did I mention something about love with regards to Anita? Let me clear something up- for me, love and the urge to cut a person up into as many pieces as possible are the same. What's more intimate than carefully carving a person into pieces small enough to fit down, let's say, a 2-inch drain? Boy, am I going to miss that woman.
Anita seemed to take standing on the toilet seat to competitive levels. It was as if she tried to simultaneously spread her cheeks AND stand as far above the commode as humanly possible. Imagine giving a sawn-off shotgun to a blind kid, coaching him up a 12' ladder, then having him aim the weapon straight down before pulling the trigger repeatedly and as quickly as possible. Now, imagine that each shotgun shell is filled with the runny shit of a vegan alcoholic woman in her 40s. If you aren't suddenly craving vegetable samosas and Whiteclaws, then metaphors might not be your particular bag. This woman crapped as if every speck of rancid diarrhea that landed OUTSIDE the bowl earned her points towards more booze, cigarettes, and Trader Joe's TV dinners.
I had to admire her, though, as she seemed to harbor just as much if not more hatred towards other women at the club than I did. I went from following her into the shithouse in order to clean up immediately after her, to letting the disaster area sit and stew until someone else saw it and screamed. Anita tended to hang around longer once adopting that policy.
In the following year or so, my contract was expanded to cover a few other facilities in the area. Each gym had it's own all-star in terms of locker room performance artists.
Harry was an older dude who had balls like Pierce Paris. If you're not obsessed with weird shit , you might not know what I'm talking about. All I should have to say is that these were the sort of balls that could so easily fit into one's own asshole, that even the most god-fearing homophobe would be jealous of such a lucky roll of the genetic dice.
When was the last time you tried to shove your own balls up your ass?
Flo had menstrual cycles that precluded any need for me to keep a calendar. I actually got to know Flo a bit. She had grown up in south africa or argentina or new zealand- I couldn't be asked to remember. All of my mental hard drive space was at capacity with the CSI Miami crime scenes that she'd leave for me once per month.
Don't you want to save that tampon? How does it smell?
Mr. Mierdo could predict the future with his fecal matter. You know how some people read fortunes by brewing loose-leaf tea and interpreting the leaves at the bottom of the mug? They call it tasseography. Mr Mierdo practiced ASSeography, and was a bona-fide shaman. He always painted in shades of brown. His canvas was the bathroom divider. He tried to warn me about Colin.
You dumbass! I was warning HIM about YOU!
The sales people at these gyms would hand out vouchers in an attempt to recruit new clients. Thanks to whomever we're currently blaming when life sucks, most of the vouchers ended up being used as currency among local hobos and junkies. Camping out on the side of the highway and getting fucked up every night sounds like a great idea at first, but given enough time on the streets, everyone shits their pants.
Well, maybe not everyone.
I ran into Hugh a bit later using one of these vouchers. It turned out that he had been stockpiling the damn things since before he walked off the job. It turns out that the blow-job :: day-pass exchange-rate was stacked in his favor. When he lost the job, he "forgot" to tell his wife. He had gone on a bit of bender with blackjack and hookers- except he didn't know how to play blackjack.
"You know that you can get twice as many sexual favors if you just do it in your car, right?"
Hugh rubbed his eyes and let out a sigh.
"My wife took the car when she found out."
"Found out what? That you got fired? That you got a handjob from a hobo chick?"
"Seymour," Hugh looked around and lowered his voice to a whisper. "I GET these vouchers in exchange for doing ... various things for THEM! I'm losing the house and will probably be homeless in a few months. I figured it best to get used to this sort of shit."
Bullshit.
Crapter 3
You come out of a blackout hovering over a shit-filled toilet.
Using the wall-mounted handlebar and plunger handle to hold yourself up, you recognize some, but not all, of the diarrhea and vomit staring back at you. Was it Nietzsche who warned about staring into the void? I don't know if it stares back at you, but it certainly farts directly into your face.
You chug a steel reserve, hit the bowl, then pay for your Taco Bell. As you bite into your chalupa with extra fire sauce, bliss washes over you and your brain mercifully goes into a sort of low-power-mode.
Fuck, I didn't wash my hands before leaving work. Am I lucky enough to get a disease that'll kill me sooner rather than later?
You unclog a toilet.
You replace a urinal.
You pull a softball-sized clump of hair up from a shower drain and recognize the hair of at least 3 different women that you've thought about while touching yourself.
In the handicapped stall of the womens' showers, Colin is pulling his pud to a discarded tampon and a lock of red hair. For a split second, he remembers better days when these stalls included soap dispensers that he could jizz into.
I know this because Colin knows this. He's the reason why those soap dispensers were removed in the first place (and why the mens' showers no longer have curtain rods).
You check-in 200 lbs of those public-restroom sized rolls of shit tickets.
Colin uses the last of the TP at another gym, wiping until blood is drawn, then he wipes some more.
You mention to the front desk clerk that someone might be stealing the big rolls of terlit paper .
You wonder why your ass is always so raw.
You wonder why there seems to be blood stains on some of your white drawers.
You switch to black and brown drawers.
Somehow, your crusty old white drawers keep showing up in the laundry. You swear to throw them out after wearing them one more time. You turn on the TV and watch a re-run of Home Improvement.
"I don't think so, TIM."
You fantasize about being maimed on the job by the likes of Tim Allen and spending a month or two knitting and watching fart fetish videos on the internet.
Colin takes a loose, rancid shit. He wipes a single time and doesn't even look at the paper before sticking the wad of TP to the wall. He leaves without flushing or washing his hands, of course.
Colin modifies his home TP dispenser to hold 18" spools of shit tickets. He rounds out the evening by shitting in a scavenged pair of womens panties and letting it dry over night.
Colin is not quite right in the head.
The boss has been hassling you about the uptick in overtime and the ever-growing paper expenses on your route. Someone tore the seat off of a handicapped commode the other day. The supply company sent you an extra toilet seat by accident. It just barely fits on your own porcelain throne, but what seems to be enough room to fit another pair of butt cheeks has you feeling like a king.
Industrial TP dispensers have a mechanism that allows you to load two giant rolls of TP so that, in theory, you've got a buffer before people start wiping with their hands and smearing the shit on the walls. Get to the end of a roll? just slide the lever over and BAM- you've got a whole 'nother round of tickets to the carnival of caca.
The backup roll- no one who uses the public shithouse need worry about asking for another roll.
This is a convenience for the guest who gets to take a shit- on the floor if he wants to- for free.
Ever since rumors began to circulate about another plumber in the company being fired for taking home half-spent rolls, no one's allowed to bring home even the tiniest bit of TP. Since then, stacks of all-but-spent rolls of tickets have been piling up in each facility. I vaguely recall the head office suggesting that we manually roll several-dozen lengths of old TP onto a single cardboard tube as a way to 'recycle'. It shouldn't of been surprising considering that it IS called the HEAD office after all.
Mr. Mierdo predicted this when he used his 'natural' fingerpaint to depict a bunch of circles with arrows pointing to one BIG circle. The other side of the stall depicted a giant anthropomorphic penis with a penis of its own. The effigy seemed to be forcing it's tertiary penis into a stick figure's mouth. An arrow pointed to the stick figure and the word "FAG" was smeared in big, angry, corn-speckled butt mud.
It wasn't until the prophet himself turned to me on my way out the door and said "YOU FAGGOT!" that I realized that this particular premonition was meant for me.
Colin slips Mr. Mierdo a fiver for "the usual" and they trade pants behind a dumpster and take turns farting in each other's faces.
You're a toilet cleaner and you're smelly and horny and you spend all day being intimate with the ugliest parts of the most attractive people. There's a fresh crate of shit tickets waiting to be checked in. You break open the box, drop your pants, and let loose a wet fart down the tube of each stack of TP. When I say wet fart, I'm talking about the sort of fart that would stain your drawers and maybe your pants. But who cares? The inside surface of the tube will never be seen by the bathroom bandits.
Like sticking pennies up your ass for confidence, this was a petty way to get one over on the bougie bastards and make them smell MY ass for a change.
It turned out that plenty of people working at the various gyms got bored enough to wind all the last bits of TP into one big roll. It actually amounted to having 2-3 emergency backup rolls at each facility. Of course, I blessed those rolls with flatus spiritus as well. Some of the lengths of paper even came out with specks of bunghole butter. One guy actually came to the front desk of one of the clubs holding shitty tissue with two tones of brown streaks on it and attempted to convince the manager that some kind of shit bandit was wiping with the TP and putting it back into the dispenser.
Some people just aren't right in the head.
you wake up in a toilet stall in the seediest gym of the route.
It takes me a moment to realize that I'm in the daycare bathroom. Just about every gym had a daycare built-in for moms looking to shed baby weight and shop for new dads for their kids. Each daycare room had its own set of shithouses. One would feature a full-sized toilet and a changing table (6 months was the minimum age to leave a kid in one of these menageries). The other commode was meant for kids who knew how to wipe their own asses (if but poorly) and featured a toilet that was straight out of Honey I Shrunk the Toilet.
The shithouse that I found myself in did not feature a changing table.
They say that the second fasted thing in the world is a butthole clenching shut following a substantial dump.
What's THE fastest thing in the world? Well, some call it Poseidon's Kiss, or Leviathan's lick, but what we're dealing with is simply an ice-cold drop of water mixed with piss that shoots up into your bunghole like Randy Quaid at the end of Independence Day.
You just ruined that movie for anyone who hasn't already seen it.
Fast-forward to break time. I'd taken to eating lunch on the toilet. My bean and cheese burrito dripped a bit from its rear-end onto the seat.
"Hey, do you have an extra roll by you?" A voice echoed from the stall next to me. "There's not TP in here! Both rolls are missing!"
That's odd. I always kept the dispensers topped-off. Maybe I forgot. Maybe someone was messing with me.
I obliged and used my keys to open the dispenser and slip the smaller of the two rolls under the divider.
Colin had gotten a hold of a TP key and had taken to stuffing his gym bag with the smaller of the two rolls any time he used the facilities. By now, hiding shit stains among re-rolled TP was a daily ritual.
You wake up behind the wheel of your van in the parking lot of your next appointment. You haven't taken the spent taco bell wrappers to the trash in about a week, despite having access to a dozen dumpsters containing things far more vile that the fast food wrappers that add to the pile of shame you already carry around along with replacement plumbing parts and boxes of TP and toilet seat covers.
I check my watch and see that I've got time, and gather up as many fast-food bags and wrappers and head to the dumpsters.
"Hey! Do you mind?!" the heap of trash in the dumpster seems to call back as I chuck bag after bag of half-eaten and watered-down fast food offerings.
This is how Colin and I met.
You wake up in the shithouse. Again. This time's it's the ladies room.
Colin's shit-caked shoes, held together with duct tape, are hovering an inch about the tile floor in the stall next to mine.
He drops a log into the swamp.
He drops another, then another.
A thunderous, stinky fart snaps me out of my fixation with the shit-caked shoes that haven't seemed to left a trail of footprints. That's odd.
"Hey, what time is it?"
"It's time to wipe your ass and light a match. Also, it's just a little bit after 4pm."
I had to know if Colin had raided the TP dispensers while I was sleeping one off.
If I could blackout and wake up on a different toilet, could I wake up with a different set of buttcheeks?
I asked if Colin needed any TP.
Colin chuckled and showed me a single square of TP from the gap underneath the divider. I watched as he gathered up the paper in the center of the sheet like we were about to fold a paper airplane. Instead, he tore the tip of the paper and unfurled it, sticking his middle finger through the center of the paper.
"Hold this for a moment." Colin handed me the bit of paper that had been torn from the center of the shit-ticket. "Sometimes, you have to wipe your ass with a single square of TP."
A shit-covered finger appeared near the bottom of the divider. The square of TP was like a ballerina's tutu with various shades of brown and red at the base of Colin's finger. In that moment, Colin gathered up the TP and wrung the poop from his finger.
Somehow, his finger was now immaculate- except for the crust under his fingernail.
"You still got that hole-punch of paper?" I passed it back under the divider and Colin used it to thoroughly clean under his fingernail.
I wiped my own ass, flushed, and headed out to wash my hands. From Colin's stall, it sounded like he was licking his fingers after eating a rack of BBQ ribs.
I pretended to wash my hands and clocked out for the day.
You wake up, and you have to shit. It's an emergency.
Somehow, you're still in the van in the parking lot of your last appointment.
Using one of the dozen or so keys on my jailer's keyring, I unlock the service door with shaky hand and sprint to the men's room. Letting loose a mudslide that no-doubt coated the underside of the seat, I let out a sigh of relief.
"For fuck's sake, light a match!"
submitted by noccusJohnstein to yourmomshousepodcast [link] [comments]

Want 2020 empties? We got 'em!

So 2020 was a bit of a dumpster fire. And by a bit, I mean a giant, steaming shitshow. But I got through a bunch of products, so yay? Per my usual, the following is a lengthy af list of products that I used or destashed, complete with notations unfit for human consumption, generally sweary thoughts, and rather crap formatting. Some of my 20 in 2020 pan list are included in this breakdown, but a full recap post on that adventure will be coming shortly.
tldr: 78 haiskin/perfume/cosmetic products used/destashed, minus a midsummer destashing session that I forgot to document.
Huda Beauty Kayali Vanilla|28 (Sample)
Impressions: This is a nice, warm vanilla fragrance. Its pleasant (and oddly the same scent) at initial application and dried down. If you could get rid of that slightly chemical scent in VS Amber Romance, it would be this perfume. Wear time on me is about 4 hours. Easily wearable in most situations, unlikely to offend anyone’s nose. Weirdly, my sample is purple, but the stock image on Sephora is pale pink and it isn’t that old….
Repurchase: $85 for 50mL for glorified VS Amber Romance? Fuck outta here….
CORSX Acne Pimple Master Patch 24 count (KB)
Impressions: I love these lil guys. Super handy to have around for hormonal acne flares. They stay on my face throughout the night, which is impressive given that I’m a restless sleeper.
Repurchase: Definitely
The Creme Shop x Hello Kitty Celebrate Me Time Sheet Mask (LE) (KB)
Impressions: The cuteness of this is adorable. The mask is printed with HK’s signature bow and cute accents. Pleasantly watermelon/sugary scented, well moistened mask. Does this do anything outstanding? No.
Repurchase: Also no. But it was a nice 20 minute experience that made my skin happy.
L’ador Tea Tree Scalp Clinic Hair Pack (KB)
Impressions: This is the loveliest thing for getting rid of dry winter flakes and deep cleaning from summer product scalp buildup, especially when used with a shampoo brush. My husband even likes it for his scalp psoriasis. My only gripe is that I have yet to find a US vendor for this. Shipping from South Korea takes a small eternity. First world problems, I know. I just have to remember to order multiples at a time. {ed. note, this now is available from a US vendor (sokoglam.com) at a slightly higher price point. Score!}
Repurchase: Definitely
BH Cosmetics Stellar Lash (DS)
Impressions: I love this mascara. Its like TF’s BTS’ nicer, older sister. Similar performance, but not as heavy or gloopy. Brushes are similar, but I think SL’s is a bit smaller. The bottle stopper is much more proportionate to the brush head as you don’t get metric tons of product on the wand like you do with BTS.
Repurchase: Yes. I’ve got a full size of this mascara on my 20 in 20 pan list as well.
The Doux One Love Co-Wash
Impressions: I’m sure at one point in time I liked this product because it didn’t immediately get binned. However, at the time of review I’m trying to recover from some hair fuckery due to an incompetent stylist so I’m super salty about everything. At the moment, I like exactly three things about this product. 1) The packaging 2) The pale pink color 3) The fact that this bitch empty and gets to be yeeted into the recycling bin. Partial credit for being available at my local Target.
Repurchase: No. {ed. note, I am rethinking my position on repurchasing this. I think it would be lovely for wintertime when I’m not sweating as much. I am also mostly recovered from the hair fuckery.}
Shea Moisture Manuka Honey & Yogurt Hydrate + Repair Conditioner
Impressions: I really like this whole line. The smell is incredible. The conditioner is thick without being too difficult to work with. Absorbs nicely into the hair. Good balance between moisture and protein. This is too heavy for my hair as a regular conditioner. I use it as a deep conditioner once or twice a month. This seems to be the sweet spot.
Repurchase: Yes
The Creme Shop x Hello Kitty Complete Cleansing Makeup Wipes (LE) (KB)
Impressions: Husband and I were out of the country visiting relatives over the Christmas holiday. I didn’t want to bring the full arsenal of cleansing products (and I wasn’t planning on wearing much makeup anyhow) so I picked these up. No lie, I was surprised how much I like these. The strawberry rosé scent is really nice and they did a good job of removing makeup without stripping my skin or stinging my eyes. Each wipe was moist and the compact packaging (great for travel!) had a nice locking lid, in addition to the interior sticker seal.
Repurchase: Probably not. These are LE and I really only purchase wipes for travel purposes. If these are still around the next time I travel, then I would definitely repurchase. If they’re gone by then, I would likely purchase something comparable from the same brand.
Fenty Beauty Gloss Bomb in Glow
Impressions: This is quite possibly my favorite lip gloss ever. I rave about it to anyone and everyone who asks about it.
Repurchase: Yes. The next purchase will likely be in another shade, but I can always count on Glow.
Maybelline Fit Me Matte + Poreless Foundation, 228 Soft Tan
Impressions: There’s nothing really *wrong* with this foundation, though I would have to say the “poreless” is a lie. But maybe that’s just me. I get good wear time out of this and it is fairly lightweight. Decent coverage, though I’m not a fan of how it looks built up. I’m tossing this because it is way too dark; at least two shades too dark while wet and between three and four shades once dry. Its also pretty old; I bought it when I was living in Hawaii and I haven’t lived there for a few years.
Repurchase: Probably not. Its fine, but there are other foundations that I like better (with better shade ranges) that I would rather wear.
Too Faced Cocoa Powder Foundation, Medium
Impressions: I love this. It is everything I ever wanted in a powder foundation. In a compact. Has a nice sponge (crap sponges are a pet peeve). Applies nicely with said sponge or with a brush. Lightly scented. Good coverage. Behaves itself as a standalone or as a light helper to BB creams. I finally panned this one (which took ages) and I’ve got one more in backup.
Repurchase: Sadly, no. This has gone the way of the dodo, like so many of the products us Old Bats love. I’m contemplating TF’s Born This Way Powder as a substitute, but the mixed reviews give me some concern. I have plenty of setting powders to get through before I buy another powder foundation, plus I’ve had my eye on RCMA’s colorless powder for a while.
LA Girl Pro Conceal HD Concealer, Medium Beige
Impressions: I used to like this. I really did. But, not any more. My skin (specifically, my Old Bat under eyes) cannot take thick cosmetics anymore. While playing with some application techniques & cocktails to thin the product out, I came to the realization that this it also completely the wrong shade & undertone for my skin now. I have been victimized by my own shitty lighting. {ed. note: I suspect my skin tone changes are due to a combination of winter-induced paleness and some sneaky lightening ingredients in current skincare regimen. Will investigate further.} I had a decent amount of product left, but it had been open for a while and the formula was starting to change a bit. I decided that money wasted is still wasted, regardless of if it sits in my stash or in the trash. Since I hate clutter, in the bin it went. I don’t miss it.
Repurchase: No, unless it is for Halloween/costume party related purposes. You can’t beat the coverage or shade range for the price.
IPKN Moist & Firm BB Cream, Medium (KB)
Impressions: I like the SPF. I like the scent. Applies nicely and has good coverage. I get decent wear time out of this. However, it oxidizes like a mfer. Doesn’t matter what primer I use, doesn’t matter if I freshly wash my face right before application, setting powder, no setting powder, primer vs no primer, it oxidizes. Which is a shame because its a pretty good color match at initial application. But within an hour its two shades too dark and orange. I’ve had success combating that with mixing in blue color corrector, however *insert ain’t nobody got time for that meme here*. It might just be too moisturizing for my skin.
Repurchase: No, which is super disappointing. Back on the hunt I go.
Elizabeth Arden My Fifth Avenue (DS)
Impressions: This is one of the most generic smelling perfumes I’ve ever tried. Lasts maybe 2 hours on my skin, which is just sad. I get absolutely no citrus (which is supposed to be a top note), just a vague, generic floral, and a hint of musk. It isn’t offensive by any means, its just….there. It is quite light and would be a nice summer option, but this is definitely not for me.
Repurchase: No
Wet N Wild Photofocus Stick Foundation, Classic Beige
Impressions: I'm sure this is a great formulation for someone. I am not that person. This did nothing for me. Emphasized all my texture/pores/fine lines. Just sat on my skin. Amazingly, it looks even worse on camera. I swear I look 10 years older wearing this. This bad boy gets yeeted into the trash with zero regrets.
Repurchase: Hard no.
LA Girl Slim Shady, Darkest Brown
Impressions: I fucking love this thing. Its cheap. Doesn’t have funky undertones. Is pigmented. Its retractable. Can be blended easily, but doesn’t melt off as soon as you look at it. It even has a nice spoolie.
Repurchase: Yes, yes, a thousand times yes
The Creme Shop x Hello Kitty Celebrate Whipped Cacao Hand Cream (LE) (KB) x3
Impressions: This is a nice lil hand cream to keep at my desk or in my purse. It isn’t strong enough to bring my skin back from full on lizard status, but its fine for restoring moisture after washing my hands. It absorbs fairly quickly. The scent is not obnoxiously heavy and fades pretty quickly. Basically, there’s nothing special about this
Repurchase: This is a LE product, so its no longer available. However, if if it weren’t LE I don’t think I would repurchase
Chapstick Lipbalm, Spearmint
Impressions: This was a desperation purchase. Except for the (very faint) mint flavoscent, I enjoyed nothing about this. Too waxy. Not moisturizing.
Repurchase: God no
Hourglass Mineral Veil Primer (mini)
Impressions: I enjoy just about everything this primer offers, except for the pump. When you get about halfway through the bottle, it just turns into this leaky, gloopy shitshow. It doesn’t impact the primer’s performance, but greatly decreases my desire to use it.
Repurchase: Maybe. If the alleged NYX dupe is comparable, then probably not. But I do like it enough to for it to be a repeat contender.
Colourpop Brow Boss Gel, Clear
Impressions: This is a nice lil’ gel. Has good hold, dries down matte. Plays nicely with every product I’ve thrown at it. Even works pretty well as a primer. It even has a good price point.
Repurchase: Maybe. I’m currently wearing my brows pretty short and filling them in with ABH brow gel [I find it easier to work with than Dip Brow] , so I don’t have a current need for a clear product. However, if that changes I would likely repurchase.
L’Oréal Infallible Pro-Glow Foundation, Natural Beige
Impressions: Pretty decent color match. Decent amount of glow without veering into glitter. Plays nicely with most primers I’ve tried it with, but it does not like the Hourglass Mineral Veil; I put those two together and Hello! Texture City. I get decent wear time. The packaging says that this is medium coverage and I would mostly agree, but it can get cakey quickly. I do like that I can sheer this out with a face serum pretty easily.
Repurchase: Maybe? I’m not mad at it. It performs better than some prestige brands I’ve tried. I’ve got a few other foundations to get through in my stash and a couple on my post no-buy list to try out. As long as they don’t change the formula, I wouldn’t mind going back to this.
Mario Badescu Facial Spray (Aloe, Chamomile, & Lavender)
Impressions: This does absolutely nothing for my skin. It smells lovely though. And its a very pretty shade of purple that complements the packaging. Those are literally the only redeeming things I can identify.
Repurchase: Hard no.
The Body Shop Shea Nourishing Body Butter
Impressions: This is good in the drier winter months and is great for year-round application to feet and elbows. However, it is too damn heavy for the rest of my body in the warm, humid months.
Repurchase: Probably not. I like the coconut one better. I’ve also learned that I only need to have one of these on hand at any time since I’m shit at remembering to apply moisturizer to my body.
Love Beauty and Planet Coconut Water & Mimosa Flower Lucious Hydration Hand Lotion
Impressions: This is, quite possibly, one of my favorite hand lotions ever. I love the scent. I love the quick absorption time. I love the scent. I love the lack of greasy residue. Did I mention I love the scent? Because I do. I want everything in my house to smell like this, always.
Repurchase: Yes
Wet N Wild Megaslim Skinny Tip Eyeliner
Impressions: The eyeliner itself is okay. I’ve tried two skinny/micro liquid liners and have come to the realization that they’re just not for me. It likely has to do with my eye shape (hooded, close-set, AND deep-set) I binned this because I literally can’t remember when I opened it and I have this thing about liquid liners being open for extended periods of time. I’m pretty sure I opened it before Mr. Lew and I started house hunting and that was early 2019.
Repurchase: No. I have this crazy idea that I want to give the Tarte Amazonian Clay liner (in the tube) a chance again. Or just suck it up and stick to pencil liners.
The Creme Shop x Hello Kitty Pink Water Creme Ultra Dewy Face Cream (LE) (KB)
Impressions: I really like this, but I don’t think its quite moisturizing enough for my winter skin. Its a very light, slippery texture. Absorbs fairly quickly into the skin without being too sticky. Really nice watermelon (?) scent that isn’t overpowering. Nice, heavy packaging. Doubles nicely as a lightweight hand cream.
Repurchase: Sadly, no. This was a Winter Holiday LE release. I very much liked this formula and would be open to buying something comparable from the brand for summer months. [Ed. Note: This is back in stock on Creme Shop’s website as of 22 October 20, so I may acquire myself a jar to help combat the Differin-induced dryness & flaking that is my skin rn]
NYX Lip Lingerie, Exotic
Impressions: I like the color (a richer sort of MLBB) and the coverage, but it drives me crazy that this never dries down. I don’t mind a little bit of tackiness, but this constantly feels wet and sticky.
Repurchase: No. There are other liquid lip formulas (Colourpop, NARS Powermatte) that I like much better.
Girl + Hair Under Hair Care Protective Restoring Balm
Impressions: I bought this with the intention of using it to keep my hair & scalp moisturized when I started wearing more protective styles aside from the Curly BunTM. I had the brilliant idea that I would do my own box braids. Utter. Fucking. Fail. As is this product. Like a lot of products geared towards “natural” hair, this is much too heavy for my fine AF hair. Two days after putting a SMALL amount on my scalp, I was still a greasy betch. I love the packaging (squeeze nozzles ftw!) and the scent is pretty nice.
Repurchase: I like the idea of this product, but ultimately its a no from me. I am interested in trying out other products from this company though.
Blueberry Bliss Control Paste
Impressions: I bought this on the recommendation of one of my favorite natural hair YouTubers. I don’t particularly care for the scent. Its definitely fruity and sweet, but not that I would immediately identify as blueberry. This does a great job at adding shine, an okay job at controlling the frizz halo, and a shit job at holding my edges. Additionally, something in this strongly disagrees with my scalp. I’ve used it about a dozen times and EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. my scalp gets dry and itchy af and flaky.
Repurchase: Hard no.
Chapstick Lipbalm, Strawberry
Impressions: This was a desperation purchase. Except for the (very faint) berry flavoscent, I enjoyed nothing about this. Too waxy. Not moisturizing.
Repurchase: Nope
Dionis Goat Milk Skincare Natural Goat Milk Hand Cream, Water Flowers & Sea Salt x2
Impressions: This is a great lil hand cream in a lovely scent. Absorbs pretty quickly. Nicely moisturizing. Does a good job of holding off handwashing-induced lizard skin. This is another one of those scents where I would not object to ALL THE THINGS smelling like.
Repurchase: Yup
The Creme Shop x Hello Kitty Lip Balm, Winter Apple Pie (LE) (KB)
Impressions: The packaging is adorable (pink macaron shaped pot) and that’s about all I like. The scent is okay, but I would never in a million years identify this as apple pie. Or an apple. Or anything apple-adjacent. There is no artificial flavor, but the taste of the actual balm is no bueno. It isn’t particularly moisturizing and has a tendency to just sit on top of your lips, never really absorbing in. It might be useful as a sleeping pack, but the thick, waxy nature of the balm is pretty off-putting and challenging to work with. I may keep the container to use for decanting purposes or travel purposes IF THIS FUCKING PANDEMIC WILL EVER END.
Repurchase: No. This was a Winter Holiday LE product. Even if it was in their regular catalog, I wouldn’t buy this again.
Essence Melted Chrome Liquid Lipstick, Copper Dropper
Impressions: This is really nice packaging, particularly for a budget brand. The tube feels substantial. The wand handle matches (mostly) the lipstick shade and a good chunk of the tube is transparent so you can see how much product you have remaining. I will never, ever pan this because this lipstick gives me the WORST case of butthole lips. I don’t even like metallic lipstick, let alone metallic liquid lipstick. WTF even was I thinking. That said, the wear time is pretty good.
Repurchase: God no.
NYX Soft Matte Lip Cream, Copenhagen
Impressions: I fucking love this lip cream, but damn if this shade isn’t a pain in the ass to get even. Even with matching lipliner, I still can’t get an even coat. Which is super frustrating because I love dark berry/goth-adjacent lipsticks.
Repurchase: Product yes, shade no
Taliah Waajid Protective Styles Bamboo, Biotin & Basil Restoring Serum
Impressions: I love this as a scalp treatment, either in conjunction with a deep conditioner or on its own. I’m not sure if it actually does anything for promoting hair growth, but it does make my scalp feel nice.
Repurchase: God I would love to. This particular product has either been discontinued or reformulated into another product. The original formulation (of dubious age/authenticity) is still available on Amazon, but at a ridonkulous markup. I may try the new version once I make a dent in the current inventory.
Creme of Nature Sulfate-Free Moisture & Shine Shampoo with Argan Oil
Impressions: For a sulfate-free shampoo, this produces a surprising amount of lather. I love the smell; spicy and exotic and warm. Kind of reminds me of Dior Hypnotic Poison. Cleanses well and does provide a decent amount of shine. Strangely helps with detangling. One of my faves.
Repurchase: Hell yes.
CARE:NEL Special Lip Care Lip Sleeping Mask (KB)
Impressions: Got this on Amazon as a dupe for the OG Laneige lip mask. This came in a three pack and I *think* this is the last one. The product is nice and thick and lasts most of the night. The mask (balm? goo?) is slightly sweet-scented, but not aggressively so.
Repurchase: Maybe? I don’t think this is functionally different than Lanolips, but it is a good product that does work well.
Carol’s Daughter Almond Milk Leave-In Conditioner
Impressions: This has a ridiculously strong almond smell at first application, though it mellow out fairly quickly. This made my hair crunchy as shit. I don’t know what moisturizing properties it was supposed to have, but my bottle clearly missed out on them. The sprayer is nice though.
Repurchase: Hard no.
Neutrogena Triple Moisture Deep Recovery Hair Mask x2
Impressions: Like most Neutrogena products, I love the way this smells. This is a really nice drugstore deep conditioner. Actually does what it says on the label. My biggest gripe is that, at only six ounces, I go through this way too fast because of the ridiculous amount of hair I have.
Repurchase: Probably
Missha Time Revolution The First Treatment Mist (KB)
Impressions: There is something in this (pretty sure its the fermented yeast) that my skin loooooooves. Very faint smell, good sized bottle, gloriously fine spray. If I can ever figure out how to get the top off, I’ll likely decant my setting spray into it.
Repurchase: Hard yes
Missha Time Revolution Clear Toner (KB)
Impressions: I can’t nail down what it is about this product that works so well with my skin. It doesn’t seem to do anything special at first appearance, but I can tell when its presence is lacking in my routine. Maybe its the fermented yeast, might be the gentle AHAs/BHAs, but whatever it is, I love it.
Repurchase: Yes
Creme of Nature Intensive Conditioning Treatment with Argan Oil
Impressions: This entire product line is one of the best smelling things I’ve ever put on my body. This conditioner is a little weird. Too rich for a regular conditioner, not quite rich enough for a full on deep conditioner. I haven’t tried leaving this on overnight, but 15-30 minutes (my hair is dry AF, don’t judge me) is about right for a nice little pick me up. If CoN ever decides to branch out and put out body care scented like this, it will be the the only body wash I used forever and ever, amen.
Repurchase: Hard yes
Dionis Goat Milk Hand Cream, Vanilla Bean
Impressions: Like the other scent in this product line I’ve tried, I love this cream. It is hydrating and absorbs quickly. However, there is something in this scent’s fragrance that wants to stab me in my frontal lobe. Its sweet and vanilla-y, but there is another note (vaguely cinnamon-adjacent) that is just too damn much. Oddly, that note isn’t present in the vanilla bean lip balm, which I love. It took me a couple times to realize that using this hand cream was almost guaranteed to give me a low-level migraine, so I gifted it to Mom, who finished it in like a week.
Repurchase: Product, yes. Scent, no.
Colourpop Ultra Glossy Lip, Free Spirit (LE)
Impressions: I’ve been looking for a dupe for an early 00s L’Oréal lip gloss (that was this glorious, mostly opaque caramel) for the better part of a decade. To date, I am still stymied in my search because this gloss ain’t it. The packaging is cute and the gloss itself is okay, but doesn’t last for shit. The color, which seems quite opaque in the tube, but is utterly invisible on my lips. The brush turned into an angry hedgehog within about a month of use, which has never happened with other CP glosses. In short, a total fail. Whomp.
Repurchase: No. This shade was part of the LE Frozen II collection. Even if it wasn’t, I still wouldn’t repurchase this.
COSRX Advanced Snail 92 All in one Cream (KB)
Impressions: This bad boy has never failed me. High concentration of snail mucus, which my skin loves. Pleasant smell. Reasonable price, if you don’t buy from Ulta. Easily sourced at multiple US-based vendors. Hella sticky though.
Repurchase: Yes, once I make a dent in my utterly ridiculous skincare stash
Skinfood Peachy Jelly Soothing Gel 90 (KB)
Impressions: This smells like a peach jolly rancher. I fucking love that. Lightweight, which is great for the hot & humid South. This will not fix Winter Lizard Skin, but it is great for healthy skin barriers that need some gentle love. I prefer to use this on my body post-shower, but it is also nice as a sleeping pack or to chill skin out that has had too many actives on it. Absorbs fairly quickly, but can get sticky if you go ham on application. 8/10. Would recommend. Bonus tip! Keep this bad boy in the fridge for a delightful cooling experience.
Repurchase: Yes, but I’m not sure if its still available. The packaging says it is LE, but its still in stock at Skinfood’s website. Ulta (my original sale point) no longer carries it, so who knows. If I can repurchase, I will. I have several backups of this and the Aloe, which I kind of want to try on my hair…
Clinique Take the Day off Cleansing Balm (travel size)
Impressions: This was a desperation purchase. I needed a small, balm/solid cleanser to take with me last Winter Holiday to go in my carryon as the husband and I were travelling overseas. This was the only thing I could find in the timeframe I had that was small enough to meet my needs, that was NOT a bar of soap. This is very effective at taking makeup off. Its also effective at trashing my skin. I ended up hate panning it when I ran out of my beloved Heimish and everywhere was out of stock thanks to Ms. Rona. At this point, I’m permanently swearing off all Clinique products except Black Honey.
Repurchase: Hard no
Bobbi Brown Vitamin Enriched Face Base (DS)
Impressions: This is nice. Hydrating without making me oily. Plays nicely on its own and with most of my foundations. Doesn’t break me out. Thick, without being too heavy. HOWEVER. Baby girl smells like Lemon Pledge and that shit lingers. I can honestly say that I’ve never had a cosmetic smell like a household cleaner before so…..
Repurchase: Maybe. I’m not mad at it, but I don’t know if I love it enough to get over the Lemon Pledge smell.
Morphe Continuous Setting Mist
Impressions: I was on the fence about repurchasing this last year (this is one of my backups) and I’m still on the fence about repurchasing because I find the brand to be somewhat problematic and some of their partnerships to be very problematic. However, some of their products are really great. Like this mist. Its still one of the best I’ve ever tried. I’m still open to looking for something comparable, but the aerosolized mist is just *chef’s kiss*. Ethical consumption in capitalism is such a bitch.
Repurchase: ?
***pretend there are detailed reviews of the big ass box of hair & makeup products that I destashed but couldn’t be bothered to document, mmmkay?***
The Ordinary Natural Moisturizing Factors + HA
Impressions: I bought this on a whim after reading some promising reviews on Reddit. I also needed something that could travel with me as Mr. Lew and I were traveling for 2019 Winter Holiday. I kind of liked it at the time, but not so much anymore. I think I liked it because it was winter (cold) and I was in the mountains (dry air). Upon returning to warm & humid Florida, this doesn’t seem to do anything for me. I’ve struggled to use this as a face moisturizer, hand cream, and body lotion. I’m giving up.
Repurchase: No, unless I’m traveling again and need something to get me through for a few days.
The Creme Shop x gudetama Gold Peel-Off Mask for Nose (LE) (KB)
Impressions: I suspected this would be crap when I bought it, but I was hopeful as I liked other LE offerings from this brand. I was sadly disappointed. This took forever to dry and barely did anything to my skin. Its got a pleasant smell and is a lovely shade of gold. That’s about it.
Repurchase: No
Bioderma Atoderm Ultra-Moisturizing Lip Balm
Impressions: I picked this up on the recommendation of a fellow MUACJ Redditor and HOLY SHIT! This is one of the best lip balms I’ve ever used. Which is somewhat baffling because there is nothing revolutionary about the ingredients. But somehow, these French wizards hit one out of the park. Lightweight, but moisturizing. Not sticky. No flavor. Weirdly, vaguely smells like blue raspberry. But it somehow works. The only thing I’m slightly salty about is how quickly I’ve gone through the tube.
Repurchase: Hell yes
Mizon Original Skin Energy Collagen 100 ampoule (KB)
Impressions: I think I like this. And I think it works, but I’ve been really inconsistent about using it so its hard to tell. I generally like Mizon ampoules and find they absorb rather quickly. They make my preferred HA.
Repurchase: One more time to actually see if it does anything of note.
Sixteen92 Super Natural Hair Serum, Malum Malus (DS)
Impressions: I received this as a DS with the Fall (Halloween? Falloween? IDK) 2019 CAoS set I purchased. Malum Malus is my favorite scent in that line and the fragrance lasts a long time without being overpowering. The serum itself is a bit thicker than I’m used to, but is okay.
Repurchase: Probably not, unless I just *really* fell in love with a scent and needed to wrap myself in it. I have other serums that I prefer and am much more likely to repurchase
Shea Moisture Mongongo & Hemp Seed Oils High Porosity Moisture Correct Masque
Impressions: I really love this. It provides such a moisture injection to my hair in addition to the protein my high porosity hair needs. Nice and thick. Great smell. Really needs a cap to absorb into the hair
Repurchase: Hell yes.
The Ordinary Azelaic Acid Suspension 10%
Impressions: I kind of like this and can tell it has had an improvement in my hyperpigmentation and uneven skin tone. However, it hasn’t done much for my texture and has minimally improved brightness. Its cheap and doesn’t irritate my skin. I’m not wild about the dimethicone, but it isn’t a deal breaker.
Repurchase: Maybe once more. I’m incorporating more Vitamin C products in my routine to address the lack of brightness. If those work well, then I likely won’t repurchase.
Hask Cactus Water Prickly Pear See Oil 5-in-1 Leave in Spray
Impressions: Got this for my mom, who ended up not liking it that much. This plays surprisingly well with my hair. It conditions without being heavy and is sort of okay at managing the frizz halo. I detangle in the shower so I can’t really say whether this does anything for that. The scent is quite lovely and the mist is nice & fine.
Repurchase: Definitely
Design Essentials Natural Almond & Avocado Moisturizing & Detangling Sulfate Free Shampoo
Impressions: I’m not mad at this. Easily accessible, reasonable price point. Does moisturize. Not as detangling as the CoN Argan Oil but does have a bit of slip to it. The scent is not my favorite, but it doesn’t linger so I’m not going to hold that against it. It does its job and does it fine; I’m just not wowed by it. Admittedly, I don’t think I’ve ever been wowed by a shampoo so I might be expecting too damn much.
Repurchase: Maybe one more time to see if I really like it.
Majestic Pure Cosmeceuticals Rosehip Oil
Impressions: I like this, but struggle to use it in warmer months. Its great for the winter and plays nicely with my skin, hair, and cuticles. It is too heavy to use as an allover scalp treatment, but is good for the occasional dry patch.
Repurchase: In a smaller container, for sure. This 4 ounce bottle took me ages to get through and it went off before I could get more than halfway through.
The Ordinary Marine Hyaluronics
Impression: I don’t care for this. It does nothing worthwhile for my skin. Fell for the Reddit hype. I’m definitely going back to my KB HA.
Repurchase: No
Too Cool For School Rules of Mastic IX Cream (KB)
Impression: I’m not mad at this. It has a lovely smell, is quite thick, and nicely moisturizes my skin. This is great at bringing back winter lizard skin, but its a bit too much for non-winter facial skin. My mom quite enjoys it as a hand cream, but its too strongly scented for her face.
Repurchase: Maybe? I’m still on the fence.
Creme of Nature Pure Honey Moisturizing Dry Defense Conditioner
Impression: This conditioner is the shit. Its got slip, a nice scent, wallet-friendly price, bottle that fits nicely in my hand, and provides delicious, delicious moisture.
Repurchase: Hell yes
Shea Moisture Jamaican Black Castor Oil Strengthen & Restore Treatment Masque
Impression: I genuinely adore this masque. I love the scent. I love the way it makes my hair feel afterwards. My only gripes are pretty minimal; I wish it was slightly less thick (its kind of hard to spread in my hair) and had a smidge more slip.
Repurchase: Yes
Sunday Riley Good Genes
Impression: I used to love this and then they went and reformulated it. And now I’m not sure how I feel about the new new. I don’t think its as strong as it used to be, but that may be a factor of my super inconsistent usage. I like that its vacuum sealed and the product itself is protected from light. I’m not the biggest fan of the scent, but it isn’t nearly as aggressive as the Bobbi Brown vitamin face base that reeks of Pledge.
Repurchase: I’m reserving judgement on this. I want to buy this one more time, consistently use it, then make a final decision. {ed. note: upon further reflection, I will not be repurchasing this}
Fanofi Micro-Needle Soothing Patch (KB)
Impressions: These are delightful for taming the occasional hormonal cystic acne.
Repurchase: Yes
Dionis Goat Milk Skincare Natural Goat Milk Hand Cream, Sea Treasures
Impressions: This is a great lil hand cream in a lovely scent. Absorbs pretty quickly. Nicely moisturizing. Does a good job of holding off handwashing-induced lizard skin. This is another one of those scents where I would not object to ALL THE THINGS smelling like.
Repurchase: Yup
Physician’s Formula Healthy Lip Liquid Lipstick, Vitamin Beet
Impressions: I got this several years ago in a vault that was heavily on sale. This is the last of the remaining tubes. The lipstick itself is okay, nothing revolutionary. I enjoy the triangle-shaped (tulip?) applicator. I hate this color and have absolutely no intention of ever wearing it.
Repurchase: Nope
NARS Powermatte Lip Pigment, American Woman (DS)
Impressions: I genuinely like this formula. The application is a bit finicky due to how close the cap is to the doe foot, but I’m not going to hold that against it as this is a DS. The color is perfectly fine, a pinkish-brown MLBB shade. However, I own approximately 25 products this color and its time to destash.
Repurchase: Formula yes, color no.
Sephora gloss, Lady Luck
Impressions: Ever met a person and then immediately forgot everything about them because they’re so bland? That’s this gloss. The color is pretty in the tube. The packaging is nice. And that’s about it.
Repurchase: No. Its nothing against the product itself, but it doesn’t spark joy.
Lime Crime Velvetine, Beet It (GWP)
Impressions: Got this as a gift with purchase from a Postmark order.
Repurchase: Nope
Lanolips Hydrating Lip Luminiser, Beach Pop
Impressions: I bought this in the hopes that it would be as awesome as their multipurpose balm. I was sadly, sadly disappointed. I like absolutely nothing about this product except the color. It smells horrible, tastes worse, and is stupidly thick.
Repurchase: No
Lanolips Hydrating Lip Luminiser, Desert Glow
Impressions: See above
Repurchase: No
The Ordinary Buffet
Impressions: I honestly couldn’t tell you if this did anything for my skin. It was hella sticky though and didn’t sting, so it has that working in its favor.
Repurchase: No
Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab Aelopile (imp)
Impressions: Scent description from website: Glowing amber and citrus, labdanum, verbena, cedar, and oud. I definitely get amber, some verbena, and oud. This wears warm and spicy on me, but not aggressively so. I suspect this would be lovely in a room oil warmer.
Repurchase: Yes
Estee Lauder Beautiful Belle (DS)
Impressions: This goes hard on the white floral with very light rose & musk and virtually no other notes. This is a very heavy fragrance to me, but I think that’s due to the gardenia, which I’m quite sensitive to. A generic, inoffensive fragrance that’s not remarkable in any way. Pretty much the antithesis of what I like my perfumes to smell like.
Repurchase: Hard no
Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab The Apothecary (imp)
Impressions: Scent description from the website: Tea leaf with three mosses, green grass, a medley of herbal notes, and a drop of ginger and fig. I get the fig and some heavier tea notes. I much prefer the scent in the tube; there you can pick up the ginger, grass, and some sort of herbaceous notes. On my skin its still nice, just not my cuppa.
Repurchase: It does not spark joy, so no.
Dionis Goat Milk Skincare Natural Goat Milk Hand Cream, Water Flowers & Sea Salt
Impressions: I have accepted that I am a Stan for these hand creams. I am just obsessed with them. I want everything to smell like this.
Repurchase: Yup
Missha Time Revolution The First Treatment Mist (KB)
Impressions: My skin loves this
Repurchase: Sadly no. This product is no longer made and I can’t find a reasonable dupe in mist form. I’ve replaced this in my routine with Neogen Real-Ferment Micro Essence.
submitted by lewnotlou to ProjectPan [link] [comments]

Cedarwood Vanilla🌿

Cedarwood Vanilla🌿
Well then while the moon climbs higher in the sky and the sun falls lower and sets earlier, it's time to get those warm scents out and plan out how Thanksgiving shall turn out this year!.....safely.
​
Talking about warm scents, and the holidays, Christmas products are out as well as new aromatherapy scents! I just got my items today so I'm excited! It's from the 6.50 sale and I got basically a BUNCH of the scrubs, the new aromatherapy, a body butter, some shapeable soap, and yeah :3. Also I begin to notice other people giving reviews and their input on products at BABW as well!....Did I start a trend here? lol, it's fun to read other's reviews on products! It's much better than that one review that says "It makes me feel fresh and it smells great" that has "Sweepstakes Entry" beside it on EVERY. SINGLE. PRODUCT.
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This here is Cedarwood Vanilla:
https://preview.redd.it/i5tz2buapjx51.png?width=177&format=png&auto=webp&s=c3ea752b4c5f090a3e0c7ab8d50ed55d5cbe9cf2
Cedarwood Vanilla is a new, just released blend that is apparently part of the "Silent Night" aromatherapy collection, in which all of the scents released are "Sleep" blends.
Not only do we have new packaging, but also a more simplistic look to the line. So maybe soon the rest of the aromatherapy line will have repackaging as well.
​
🌿 PRODUCT FORMS: 🌿
This cozy blend comes in (well so far that i can see since it seems more products are being added): a body cream, shower gel, body wash, lotion, pillow mist (well it's now called a pillow and body mist), and a single wick candle.
🌿 COLORS/PACKAGING: 🌿
The colors are gold and....some type of purple-grey. It doesn't look like an exact grey, it's similar to the pale baby blue-purple labeling of Sleep-Lavender Vanilla.
Compared to the previous labelling in the aromatherapy line, this version looks more gender-neutral. Instead of a purple-grey tag with girlish cursive on it, this label fits both men and women. It has the feminine florals, yet bold text at the same time. The labels are also different, instead of matching like the previous labels of the aromatherapy line.
For example, instead of every thing matching like this here:
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https://preview.redd.it/wsdxbv7osjx51.png?width=318&format=png&auto=webp&s=b6eb992888bd53c55e6d1656fbe23e5936feed91
It's similar, like pieces to a puzzle, you get the picture:
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https://preview.redd.it/1nt4bvyssjx51.png?width=244&format=png&auto=webp&s=490c7c97462a4921a1752aaa0ea717e407395d7b
https://preview.redd.it/hmb655ytsjx51.png?width=214&format=png&auto=webp&s=fec5ca5aa734ec6f71847650f2d81641f6882cc3
https://preview.redd.it/vyaagibvsjx51.png?width=256&format=png&auto=webp&s=b13643f73c7a2a754f207494b4953e0752de149b

It's like that canvas wall art that has the whole picture split onto 4 canvases!
​
🌿 WHAT'S IN IT? 🌿
This here is vanilla:
https://preview.redd.it/5fu0vok3tjx51.png?width=299&format=png&auto=webp&s=864c5c77cc54b3243c1e1a8d64254f18e0df3ea9
and this is cedarwood....well the branch:
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https://preview.redd.it/umzrx898tjx51.png?width=259&format=png&auto=webp&s=7152cc036187d8e52124987564db355c6de684cf
According to the product, " Cedarwood oil promotes soothing feelings." I feel that the wording would be a bit better, maybe "...encourages balance/tranquility" or "...reduces stress/stressful emotions and worries" something like that. "Vanilla absolute calms the mind to encourage relaxation."
​
🌿 WHAT DOES IT SMELL LIKE? 🌿
Now i'll give you a whole warning. I don't like cedarwood. Every scent that I smelled cedarwood in made me jump through a roof like a cat does with a zucchini. Lavender Cedarwood is still sitting, i never bought Sage and Cedarwood-double yikes for me, and Sage and Mint is chillin with Lavender Cedarwood. The only scent that i like that has cedarwood is Reset Bergamot Neroli and Cedarwood, the cedarwood in it is barely there for me so I'm good.
So when I first heard of this new aromatherapy coming out, I was excited for Rose and Lavender but Vanilla Cedarwood was.....eeeeee-
I decided to grab it, since vanilla caught my eye, so it could possibly smother the scent. I REALLY wanted the lotion, I knew there was gonna be some but it wasn't there at the time and now seeing the lotion after the sale... -_- <-. But too late now, oh well. I got the shower gel, body cream and mist.
So when I got my stuff today, I and my grammy smelled the scents together. My nose hit this and.....uh... *scratches head* well then. It was like 2/5. Then I was told that maybe if I take a bath in it, it may smell different. And I'm like "Great idea!" so I took a nice hot bath in this stuff along with the Coconut Mint Drop body scrub, it blended nicely with this scent btw.
This product makes a really nice bubble bath (which is why i can't tell the difference between a shower gel and bubble bath in BABW terms 😂 )
The bathroom was lit up with this complex scent! A warm scent really explodes when it's hot people, similar to a candle, you can recognize the different layers of it! The same with Cedarwood Vanilla. It smells different from the bottle, but when in use it smells so good!
First you get a cozy cloud of creamy warm vanilla, like feeling the enticing warmth of a heater or a fireplace. It's like the Warm Vanilla Sugar scent but minus the sugar.....just fresh....warm vanilla ^-w-^. Then the scent slowly fades to a woodsy scent in the background, with the vanilla still present. As it cools down like the autumn day transitioning to night, it'll feel like a cool fall breeze, and a tinnnnny hint of something....fresh? Like green leaves or foliage, or the cool mist from water, like a waterfall? a shower or water hose, like some good tasting water.
This scent smells similar to Comfort Vanilla Patchouli- also a warm scent, and when it settles, it has a hint of an aroma similar to Stargazing Meditation-Bergamot, Patchouli, and Vetiver. Like that but the vanilla is still present but not as prominent. As it stays on, I keep smelling marshmallows in cocoa. Like it smells like hot cocoa and marshmallows! Mmmm I'm gonna stock up on me some cocoa, ill write my reminder 🤤
So I must say that this product really impressed me for a product that has a note that I don't like! It's just one of those scent not too overwhelming but you may need to take a nice hot shower or bath to really bring out that nice smell! I had to do this before with another aromatherapy blend that was new at the time and boy did I not like it. I think I'll just use sage as seasoning from now on ^^;
​
🌿 END🌿
Sooo, anyone thinking about what to get at the aromatherapy sale tomorrow? I'm thinking about holding off this time, yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep :)))))). Anyway stay safe everyone!!
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✨ Thx for reading ✌🏼 ✨
🌹*̩̩̥͙Astronomy✩Luver*̩̩̥͙🌹
submitted by AstronomyLuver to bathandbodyworks [link] [comments]

Cedar Fest 2k20 - 9 Firebird Reviews

Overview
I bought 9 total samples - 4 soaps and 5 perfume oils.
The website was very user friendly. Shipping was quick. My package actually arrived ahead of schedule, despite These Times We Live In, so bonus points for that.
This was my introduction to Firebird products, and I agree with people who say they’re a great house for beginners. Most of the scents are relatively straightforward, and you can generally tell what you’re going to get from the name. I think they'd also be a great choice for wood lovers, as I noted wood tends to be quite dominant in their blends where it's present.
One note: Make sure to let your perfume oils rest for at least a month before you try them, even the ones that seem straightforward. I found a huge difference between my first test a week after they arrived and my second test two months later.
Soaps
Overall, I liked Firebird's soap formulation. I found it lightly moisturizing, and all of the bars lathered well - except for Cinders, which didn't suds up at all until I got about halfway through the bar, strangely. I have moderately sensitive skin and didn't experience any kind of burning or reactions.
I love, love, love how cute the little sample bars are, and I'd recommend them both as gifts and as little guest bathroom treats, if you're lucky enough to have friends and/or a guest bathroom ;).
Wild Fig
An autumnal blend of fruit and forest- ripe black fig, cedar wood, cypress leaf- blanketed in crimson maple leaves and darkened with black tea and a trace of precious resins. This sparkling wine colored bar is made with a natural detergent-free soap base and ground apricot seed for gentle exfoliation.
I found this to be a pleasant, deep red fruity scent with an assertive backbone of CEDAR. I didn't pick up on any of the other notes, though maybe the cypress and maple leaves were there backing up the cedar and making it seem even tougher than it was. I didn't notice any exfoliation in my sample bar.
Cinders
A smoky, earthy blend of burning leaves, woodsmoke, and creamy raw beeswax. This shimmering grey bar is made with a natural soap base (with no added detergents) with activated charcoal and a sprinkle of copper mica.
So pretty! And the scent is sexy. It's like a bonfire interpreted as a $$$ cologne. The smoke isn't overpowering at all. It's just really well blended and warm, equally good for summer nights and winter mornings. Again, it had a powerful note of CEDAR, but it was more balanced here.
Vanilla Amber
Warm vanilla and rich amber, with notes of coconut, cardamom, and sandalwood. Made with a natural vegetable-based glycerin soap base (with no added detergents).
Even though I like all of the individual notes in this, the resulting blend just didn't work for me. It's dryer and more cologne-y than I expected, and I didn't notice any cardamom citrus-y-ness. Maybe it's just my experience with the previous blends, but the sandalwood smelled less sweet to me than it usually does, and more like ... CEDAR.
Ginger Ale
This fresh and citrusy bar smells just like a glass of ginger ale- you can even smell the bubbles! Made with a natural soap base (with no added detergents)- one side made with shea butter for a soft and moisturizing lather; the other with ground apricot seeds for gentle exfoliation.
More of a citrus soda scent than a true spicy ginger ale, but it's nice. I'd recommend it for the kind of sticky summer weather where it's so hot you're sweating as soon as you turn off the shower, so ... next year for those of us in the northern hemisphere, I guess?
Unlike the Wild Fig soap, I did notice the apricot seed here. (The shea butter layer isn't present in sample sizes.) I'd say it felt more scratchy than truly exfoliating, though I didn't really try to scrub with it. Great for if you need to wash and you also have an itch.
Perfumes
Snowdrift
A wintry blend of peppermint, vanilla and evergreens. Crisp and cool, woodsy and sweet. Brings to mind Christmas trees, snowy woods, candy canes... and that peculiar stillness in the air just before the first flakes begin to fall.
My favorite of the scents I tried, even though it didn't work for me AT ALL the first time I put it on. Weird how that works. I love a mint perfume that feels like snorting a candy cane, and Snowdrift delivered. It's much mintier and less buttery than, for example, Solstice Scents' Snowmint Mallow. Unfortunately, it disappeared within half an hour, leaving just the faintest whiff of wood if I really huffed my wrist.
Green Lemon
Bright juicy lemon, green lemon leaf, and citrusy verbena make up this cheerful, sunny blend.
Compared to Grapefruit Ginger, this is a much more assertive citrus scent. I get both the lemon and the verbena (I don't know what lemon leaf smells like.), but to me it doesn't really smell "green" so much as humid. I'd call this blend Humid Lemon, and I think it will be great for the depths of winter when it's gray and frigid and my body doesn't even remember what vitamin D is anymore.
Grapefruit Ginger
Tart and fresh and full of bright citrusy sparkle and zing, this scent combines juicy grapefruit and zesty lime with the spicy kick of ginger. Grapefruit is used in aromatherapy as an energizer and mood-lifter... and I can pretty much guarantee this fragrance will do just that.
My notes from the initial application say this blend "rides the rail between Pledge and perfume," but when I wore it on one wrist and Green Lemon on the other, I didn't find it particularly Pledge-y at all. Context matters. As it warms up, ginger's floral side comes out. Within a few minutes, it becomes a very pretty, delicate blend.
Black Tea and Mint
Crisp, iced black tea, steeped with fresh mint leaves and sweetened with a little sugar. Refreshing, cooling, the perfect antidote to a hot summers day. But unlike a straight mint scent this isn't icy and bracing. On the skin the tea notes lend a subtle warmth and a hint of citrus comes out, adding depth and complexity. If you like the idea of a mint perfume but don't want to go around smelling like a candy cane or a cough drop- this is for you.
Honey!!! It's not listed in the notes, but my brain is CONVINCED this is a honey blend with a kiss of mint tea. I can't say for sure if that's what my nose makes of Firebird's sugar note or if it's a combination of things or????? The actual tea note is very light, and the mint is quite restrained after it warms up.
Black Cocoa
A dark and mysterious blend of rich chocolate, golden amber, cedar, sandalwood, and a wisp of black coffee. Dramatic, feminine, and not for the faint-of-heart!
The first time I tried this on, it brought up such a strong sense memory of Harry Potter scented markers I had in fourth grade that I spent half an hour Googling to prove to myself they were real. They were, and it was a nice little nostalgia hit. I would have kept this blend around just for that. But! On second application, it's much more CEDAR forward, much less chocolatey. I smell like my stepfather standing four feet from a cup of hot chocolate - not bad, but not something I particularly want to smell like, either.
Almond Milk
Soft, sensual, intoxicating: almond, vanilla, musk, a wisp of white chocolate. This fragrance manages to be both a soothing comfort scent and incredibly sexy at the same time (try it- you'll see what I mean). Sugary perfume haters need not apply, but lovers of all things sweet and gourmand- I think you'll enjoy this one quite a bit.
Another blend that worked much better for me after resting - like so, SO much better. My initial notes are like, "Uhh vanilla milk that turns to sour plastic? I guess that's ... something a who isn't me person might want ... hypothetically??" After resting, this is a buttery vanilla with a whisper of cherry-almond that fades as time goes on. I wanted this to be a more easily accessible replacement for my beloved Dana O'Shee (BPAL), and it isn't that. It's more like if a drop of Dana O'Shee got into a bottle of Pink Sugar. I'd recommend it for people who love very sweet perfumes, like the description says.
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The Definitive Guide to Smelling Good

Smelling good (or even amazing!) is overlooked when it comes to looksmaxxing tips imo. In my experience, I have fallen head over heals for guys who otherwise I wouldn’t have given a second glance to because I caught a whiff of their cologne and they smell so sexy… and I’m guessing it has to be sort of similar for girls as well. At the very minimum, smelling bad in any way shape or form is a MAJOR turn off, so if you’re already not that confident in the looks or personality department you’re not doing yourself any favors.

First Section: Hygiene Tips

Good hygiene is half the battle to not only looking presentable in general but to smelling nice/not smelling bad. This might seem basic, but unfortunately, in my experience I’ve come across more people that smell bad in one way or another than those who smell particularly amazing. So I think it’s worth restating some of these tips, and I hope you will learn something new!
Underarms
-NEVER put on deodorant without washing first/ on top of an already smelly situation. It’s not a substitute for washing or a “treatment” option, it’s preventative care. Trust me on this one, you’re just going to make it worse. I like to use a wet washcloth with soap and water if I haven’t showered yet that day. If you’re out and about and catch a whiff of something rank under your arm, go into the restroom and use wet paper towels with a little soap and scrub away before applying deodorant if you have it on you. Same goes with perfume and body sprays.
-Know the difference between deodorant and antiperspirant. Deodorant = stops the smell; Antiperspirant = stops the sweat. Beware of this because some brands may only be one or the other, although most today do include both. Some antiperspirants are best applied at night, so they can seep into the skin while it’s dry. Also PS if you have problems with excessive underarm sweating, talk to your derm or doc about getting on Drysol or another prescription strength antiperspirant.. this really helped me out.
-Think about whether you want scented or unscented deodorant. To be honest, I think almost all female scented deodorants smell overpowering and cloying, and I prefer a neutral base (no smell) for that area anyway as I don’t particularly want attention drawn to my armpits of all places. Unfortunately it is getting harder and harder to find true unscented deodorants… especially when companies name fragrances as “ completely clean” or “daily fresh” when this does NOT necessarily mean they are unscented (whereas something like “Lavender” is obviously scented) and it can be very confusing. I recommend Secret’s clinical strength Invisible solid “Sensitive Unscented,” as it really does smell like nothing. This is however a white block-style deodorant and can leave some stains on dark clothes if you’re not careful… so be wary. But I have yet to find a clear gel or spray deodorant that is truly unscented…. If you know of any please lemme know in the comments!!!
-Consider adding underarm exfoliating to your showebath routine. This can help slough off deodorant buildup and dead skin that is causing the products to be less effective. Try a homemade salt/sugar scrub for this or if you have physical facial exfoliants lying around that are too harsh on your face, repurpose them for underarms.
-In my experience, sometimes deodorants get less effective overtime, and it can be useful to switch up the brand/formula every once in a while. Not sure if there’s a scientific reason behind this, but if you feel like your normal deodorant is less effective than usual it’s worth trying.
-Take “natural” deodorants with a grain of salt. Although I appreciate the sentiment behind this sort of thing, in my experience many of them do NOT perform well. Several of my family members who use Tom’s of Maine deodorant (a brand whose focus is on making natural hygiene products like toothpaste) have had very bad body odor problems that subsided once they started using a more traditional deodorant.
Breath
Bad breath is one of the most commonly stated turn-offs for both males and females of any sexual orientation. Don’t fall victim to being a morning-breath (or all-day breath!) monster. But how do you know if you have bad breath? Number one tip is to ask a family member or friend… but if you’re too embarrassed to do that, try spitting onto the back of your hand, and smelling it. It’s a pretty good indicator.
-Obviously, brush your teeth twice a day. This should go without saying but I know many who only brush once… TWICE IS THE BARE MINIMUM GUYS. And make sure it’s at least 2 minutes. Also really concentrate on getting the hard to reach places in the back of the mouth, especially the back molars.
-Please floss. For the love of god. I promise you there is shit in between your teeth that that the toothbrush couldn’t get. Please get it out. It probably stinks too.
-Invest in a tongue scraper, or be sure to brush your tongue. Bacteria can build up on it and cause bad breath.
-Foul smelling bacteria builds up faster in your mouth when it’s dry and saliva isn’t being produced. This is one of the main culprits of morning breath, as saliva production decreases during sleep and you aren’t drinking or eating then either. To resolve this, drink water consistently throughout the day, and try not to go longer than a few hours without eating (even if just a small snack). If you are into fasting, obviously keep hydrated!
-If you do all of the above regularly and STILL have chronic bad breath problems, there is a good chance you could have TONSIL STONES. Honestly, I think many more people have tonsil stones than they realize. I found TonsilStones a while ago, and being grossly satisfied by it, I decided to check if I had any. Lo and behold… I extracted about 10 tiny yellow buggers from the back of my throat with a Qtip and the back of my toothbrush. Guys, they smell FUCKING DISGUSTING. I mean they’re literally chunks of rotten food and foul sulfurous bacteria that have gotten stuck in pockets of your throat. Also now that I know what they smell like I can sort of tell when other people have them too… my mom being the main culprit. Go check out the sub above if you think you may have them (or anyone for that matter) to familiarize yourself with where the tonsil is and how to check if you have them. Protip- mine are quite small and don’t show up open first glance, but if I rub a Qtip up my tonsil they will pop out. They also form a lot faster than you might think, mine come back every few days and I have to extract them regularly.
-Mints, breath sprays, and gums are often marketed (and seen by pop-culture) as cure-alls for bad breath, but honestly imo they’re more of bonuses than subs for good oral hygiene. It’s like what I said about deodorant/perfume earlier, don’t use it on top of an existing problem.
-Mouthwashes with alcohol can further dry out your mouth, which is counterintuitive if you’re trying to reduce bad breath.
-Edit- I forgot about oral probiotics (like the ones specifically for mouth health, not just probiotics taken orally, although those have many benefits too). They help replace the bad smelly bacteria in your mouth with a colony of good, helpful bacteria overtime. This can reduce plaque, bad breath, and even the formation of tonsil stones. read more about it here
Feet/Shoes
-Never wear sneakers without socks. This should also go without saying.
-Be mindful of shoe breathability. Usually the more breathable the shoe, the less likely it is you’re going to have smelly feet when you take your shoes off (due to the buildup of anaerobic bacteria). This is why flip flops and sandals never tend to lead to smelly feet, but sneakers and boots often do. ALSO if you’re in a setting where others are taking off their shoes (ie watching movies on the couch with friends) BE EXTREMELY MINDFUL of your shoe’s breathability before your due the same. I have a pair of ankle-boots that while very chic are not breathable in the slightest (made of rubber) and when I take them off, my feet smell TERRIBLE. I made the mistake of taking them off in the presence of friends once and had to almost immediately put them back on, it was so rank.
-There are some things you can buy to absorb the odors out of smelly shoes, like sneaker balls. Haven’t tried them myself but it’s out there. Baking soda also apparently can do this?
-Always dry feet fully after showering/getting them wet to prevent the development of a nasty, smelly foot fungus.
Vagina/Vulva Area (if you have one)
There is a lot of misinformation surrounding the cleaning of this area. First off, for some basic anatomy, technically the vagina is just the “hole” / tube of expandable muscle (even though culturally we often refer to a woman’s entire genitalia as the “vagina,” this isn’t anatomically correct and can lead to confusion). The VULVA refers to the outside of a woman’s genitalia. The labia are the folds, with the labia minora being the inside folds and the labia majoria referring to the bigger, outside folds where hair can grow. NEVER clean the inside of your VAGINA! It is self-cleaning and you can mess up its delicate pH by doing so. HOWEVER, it IS important to clean your vulva and labia daily or it can get smelly and gross due to smegma. Water, a washcloth, and gentle soap (ie Johnson’s baby wash, dove sensitive, liquid facial soap, etc) can all be used for this task. Be sure to really get in there (especially if you are opting to just use water) to make sure there is no lingering smegma buildup around the tiny folds by the clit. Yes this is gross but it is necessary to talk about because many women (and men) are never taught how to clean themselves down there. Also, if you’re using soap be sure to not get it in the urethra area (ouch!!) and only use it in the outer folds!
-Cleaning with a wet washcloth and a little soap is much more preferable than cleaning with baby wipes, as they can leave a bit of an off scent. However, if you’re in a pinch you’re in a pinch.
-If you’re concerned about smelling funky down there during your period, change your pad/tampon more often instead of using scented hygiene products. Even if deemed “safe” I still think it’s not the best thing to be putting scented things near your sensitive vagina, and you don’t want to be drawing attention to that area anyways with a cloying lavender scent. Vaginas are not supposed to smell like flowers.
-Likewise, vulvas after cleaning should have little to no smell, and smell like skin if anything. After a few hours, the natural “vagina” smell will return, and again this is NATURAL to have a bit of a musky scent down there. It’s a vagina after all.
-HOWEVER, if the smell is way more than just “a bit” musky, or it smells fishy, or anything else way out of the ordinary, it is worth considering that you could have a medical problem going on that needs to be addressed.
-Don’t use douches. Period.
-Edit- u/Baekseoulhui has pointed out that a probiotic supplement can help you smell better down there and have better vaginal health in general. A great tip i didn't even consider. Yay for good bacteria!

Tips that aren’t Hygiene related:

Obviously, most of my tips are about general hygiene to help the average person get to a clean, neutral state where “extras” (perfumes, lotions, et cetera) can be applied. Remember, you need a good base before you can add the garnishes to a plate of food, or the icing to a cake. Same applies with smelling good, and to be honest 90% of the population doesn’t even reach that baseline state!
Hair
-If you can find one that works with your hair care routine, try to opt for a shampoo/conditioner combo that knocks it out of the park in terms of fragrance. The typical drugstore shampoo smell is fine, but if you really want wow factor and that extra layer of scent, this is key. I personally have several favorites, including coconut shampoo/cond combos like this ~it smells so tropical~ and I also always get compliments on my hair smelling nice when I use this shampoo with its respective conditioner. It has a wonderful scent, floral yet delicate and slightly exotic but not overpowering. One time even, a massive fly wouldn’t leave my head alone because it thought my hair was a flower!
-Try to use haircare products that are pleasantly scented as well. For example, LUSH sea salt hair spray smells so wonderfully intoxicating to me with its blend of neroli and orange blossom
Perfumes, Body Mists, etc
-Understand the difference between a perfume, a eau de parfum, a eau de toilette, and a body mist. Perfumes / “parfum” are very intense and a small bit goes a long way. A eau de parfum is slightly less intense, followed by a eau de toilette, and so on. SEE HERE. A “body mist” is usually a less expensive scent product (think the big spray bottles at bath and body works or Victoria’s secret) that is meant to be sprayed several times around the body as it isn’t too strong.
-Know where to put fragrances. Target spots include wrists, neck, behind the ears, and chest. Body mists of course can go over the entirety of the body.
-Understand that everyone’s bodies have different chemistry, and just because it smells good on someone else or in the bottle, doesn’t mean it’s going to smell good on you. Testing it on yourself is absolutely necessary to see if it works on you and how long it stays.
-NEVER buy a full-sized perfume without testing a sample on yourself for a week or so. Again, you can’t know for sure if it will be a good fit with your body no matter how many good reviews it gets online. Plus perfume lasts A WHILE. The big ones take years to use up… if you’re experimenting with beauty and fashion (especially in your teen years) don’t make that big of a purchase until you’re 100% sure you’re in love with a fragrance.
-There are many ways to acquire free 0.5 oz samples of perfumes that you want to experiment with. I’ve gotten them just by walking around department stores in high end malls and sometimes they’ll have little bins out with a few types of fragrance samples (looks like this) you can take for free! I also have had luck ordering samples online for free (often by searching thru freebies, or looking on the perfume’s website directly). Also it’s always worth asking the employee behind the counter for a take home sample if possible. Some stores, like LUSH, are really good about this and the samples are surprisingly big.
-For more information on the best brands and specific perfume scents, go check out fragrance!
Body: Lotions, shower gels, body conditioners, etc
-These are a good way to layer fragrances around your body so you can add depth to your signature scent or daily smell.
-I love LUSH, and I think their body products due a great job of incorporating more “adult” scents into them (as opposed to a place like Bath and Body works, which basically has two types of scent: toothache-inducingly sweet sugar or orgy in the florist’s shop floral). Some of my favorites include Rose Jam shower jel (I have gotten compliments from an entire room of people after showering with this), Sleepy lotion (lavender), and Charity pot lotion (ylang ylang, cocoa butter, plus 100% of proceeds donated). Lush Massage bars are also underrated in terms of their fragrance capabilities, and they are packaging free too. Of those, Each Peach, Soft Coer, and Tender is the Night smell really good.
Clothes/Detergents
-Couldn’t decide if this is personal hygiene related or not, I suppose the bare minimum is (ie having clean clothes) but extra scents would be more of this category.
-If you want a clean, neutral base to start with, obviously wash your clothes in detergent that is labelled as “for sensitive skin” or “unscented.” However, for people who prefer to have a more low-maintenance fragrance routine, a scented detergent can be a good tool in the arsenal that’s not extra work. Beware however, some might not be your thing so be sure to test them out (by smelling at the store if you can, or buying a smaller package to start with). There are some nice scents it seems, like lavender, which I haven’t tried personally. Dryer sheets as well can be used to similar effects.
-To avoid musty smelling laundry, try putting dried floral or herb sachets in with your socks, underwear, or shirt drawers. Lavender or rosemary ones are classics.
Lips
-Lipsticks, glosses, and balms are touted for their colors/visual effects, but the impact of their scents (on other people, not just the wearer) is quite understated. I can usually tell if someone talking to me at close range has recently applied a scented lip product, and often it can be quite a pleasant experience if what they have on smells nice. No recommendations here, as there’s just so many to pick from, but it’s worth noting. This goes hand in hand with the breath section. Also lip glosses seem to be the most strong-smelling (to the observer, not necessarily the wearer) imo.

OVERALL TIPS & REMINDERS

-Don’t go overboard with fragrances. Perfumes and cologne lovers especially are frequent perpetrators of this, as we often go “nose-blind” (not to sound like that one fucking commercial) to smells that are on/around our bodies for long periods of time. Again, see the guide to fragrance intensities I put above.
-You don’t need a scented deodorant + scented detergent + smelly body wash + lotion + perfume + sugary lip gloss all at once to smell good. This is why sometimes it’s good to have neutrals, when it comes to things like deodorant or lotion even, if you are into perfumes and mists and want to experiment with that instead. HOWEVER, blending fragrances is an art of sorts and can be done, especially highlighting different scents on different parts of the body. Just be mindful of what works well together (on your body and in general) and don’t mix obvious opposites like a saccharine cherry lip balm with a musky oud perfume.
-There’s nothing wrong with wanting to smell like, well, nothing. As I mentioned earlier, many people don’t even make it that far… foul body odors can be smelt anywhere where there’s a large gathering of people. That’s why personal hygiene tips make up 60% of this post. Also, strong fragrances can bother some peoples’ skin or noses and cause headaches. So be mindful of those around you, like if any family members have smell sensitivities.
If I’ve forgotten anything, be sure to add it in the comments below! I’d love to learn more about maximizing hygiene and fragrances as obviously it’s something I’m passionate about… I didn’t even mean to write this long of a post!
Edit 1- Formatting
Edit 2- added probiotics under breath and vaginal health categories.
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Haus of Gloi Sample Reviews from a newbie!

Here are some newbie Haus of Gloi sample reviews :)
I ordered this bundle on September 5th, it shipped on the 8th, and I received it on the 22nd. So 12 business days which is not bad for being in Canada! I let everything rest for a week and tested each on separate days.
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Ghost Puffs: Orbs of buttery popcorn and marshmallow goo, presented on a wooden stick.
In the bottle: Buttery caramel corn, nutty, creamy, smells like fall.
Wet: Buttery caramel corn, hot cocoa? a touch of shea butter?
Dry & Throughout the day: Had great throw and longevity but quickly throughout the day it faded into a sweet cake smell and less of a nutty popcorn scent. Nevertheless, yummy and foodie.
Will I repurchase? Yes but not right away. It’s not totally unique to me just because of how quickly it changed to cake but I still enjoyed it! I’ll probably wait to upsize either before the end of the season (if it hasn’t sold out) or next fall. Plus I have a gazillion more samples on their way in the mail so I’m being totally picky about what I choose to upsize. Still really yummy though. 4.5/5
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Apple Milk: Apple pulp, hot milk, cardamom.
In the bottle: Fresh apple, cinnamon, black tea? Smells like a tea shop. I prefer this to “spicier” apple scents.
Wet: It’s a lot smoother than other apple scents I’ve tried (Zitkala-sa by Poesie, Caramel Apple pops seen later in this review, etc.) but I don’t get much milk right off the bat. The apple is softer and there is a slight bit of vanilla.
Dry & Throughout the day: I can sort of smell the milk now... Definitely can smell the “hotness” of the milk. Like warm laundry or hot dryer lint? Or the steam of milk over the stovetop. It does smell steamy and warm. Still a touch of vanilla and now a little soapy...
Will I repurchase? No, nothing against Haus of Gloi, I just think apple scents might not be for me. My skin seems to turn apples into candle wax or soap and it comes across too artificial for me. 2/5
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Fancy Bread: Ripe banana, roasted nuts and brown sugar folded into a delicious quick bread.
In the bottle: OOOH yes. Realistic banana bread, walnuts. I know I’m gonna love this.
Wet: Banana bread (obvi), banana milk? Nutty, spicy, warm, milky, nutmeg, sugary caramelized baking.
Dry & Throughout the day: Delicious, warm, comforting, smells so good and foodie. It smells exactly as it sounds and lasts well throughout the day. I kept sniffing my wrists at work. Good throw too!
Will I repurchase? 100%. This is my #1 from this sample order. If you want a realistic banana bread, this is for you. 5/5
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Eggnoggin: The Haus 'nog! Cream, sugar and a shot of dark rum topped with fresh grated nutmeg.
In the bottle: Creamy, cinnamon, lots of nutmeg.
Wet: Very spicy at first. It’s kind of physically “cooling” on my skin? lol...
Dry & Throughout the day: Reminds me of the foot mask from Lush. Weird I know, but it has Juniper in it and I think I’m getting Juniper berry in this too? Even though it’s not listed as a note. Maybe that is what’s giving this the “cooling” spicy feel. Far away from the nose it’s very creamy, vanilla. Kind of herb/sage-y too.
Will I repurchase? I do like how this smells however the cooling feeling on my skin is a bit weird… I will test it out a few more times before upsizing! 4/5
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Caramel Apple Pops: Sweet warm caramel and tart apple.
In the bottle: Wow, the caramel is really prominent surprisingly! I actually kind of like this… The apple is fresh but not stinging my nose so that’s a good sign...
Wet: Okay on the skin it’s definitely a stronger apple...
Dry & Throughout the day: Again, it’s sweeter but still very candle-wax-y. Smells like an exact replica of some kind of Bath and Body Works hand soap or candle. Sharp apple, cologne, hand soap. Had to wash this off.
Will I repurchase? No. I need to stop buying apple scents lol. They definitely don’t work well on my skin. Again, not Haus of Gloi’s fault. 2/5
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Hearth: The warm glowing center of home. Autumn's last apple pickings, warm bread, orange rind, various fire roasted nuts, cracked black pepper all nailed down by an oozing sticky benzoin.
In the bottle: I’ll be honest… when I first smelled this in the bottle it was really astringent yet spicy? And apples. Very cologne-like. So automatically I thought I would hate this…
Wet: Wow, it’s not bad! I get a lot of bread and sweet baking instantly! I also get Granny Smith apples, but these smell juicy and not artificial.
Dry & Throughout the day: I’m so surprised by this! I genuinely thought it would be a scrubber but I guess this is an apple scent that isn’t too artificial/candle-y/or strong for me? I’m impressed, especially with the bread note. Far away from the nose I get mostly milky, warm baking and breads and up close I get those apples and orange rinds.
But, it does fade on my skin pretty quickly. Maybe with age this one would last longer. It does eventually turn a tinsy bit soapy but not as bad as the others. Just sweet, fruity soap.
Will I repurchase this? I’m going to rest this a bit longer to see if the longevity improves but if it does I could definitely see myself purchasing a full size of this! 3/5
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Blueberry Tart: Ripe blueberries, lemon zest, and a sprig of thyme heaped on a buttery crust.
In the bottle: Smells exactly like a blueberry muffin/bakery with some plump juicy bluebs. A tad playdoughy and fruit loopy. The blueberry is a bit stingy to my nose, or is it the lemon zest?
Wet: Sweet, juicy blueberries, playdough or maybe that’s like raw pastry dough coming through? Buttery, sugary, fruity.
Dry & Throughout the day: Up close the blueberry goes really tart but afar it is a legit realistic blueberry muffin. Smells like baking and is delicious. It’s slightly candy-like.
Will I repurchase? I’m undecided on this. I enjoy it but I think the lemon zest makes it iffy for me. The lemon gives this stingy astringent quality to it when I’d prefer just dough, baking, and blueberries. 3/5.
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Overall:
I was decently pleased with my samples! I REALLY loved Fancy Bread and immediately upsized. I can definitely see myself upsizing Ghost Puffs, Blueberry Tart, Eggnoggin, and Hearth later on after I give them some more test runs.
What I learned: Apple scents are a no-go on my skin. A) I seem to amp them because that's all I can smell even if it's not one of the main notes, B) my skin apparently turns them into Bath and Body Works candles and hand soap. So I will try to stop buying these lol
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Also, I placed my full size order yesterday with some additional samples and I just want to mention how I received a nice email from Matt (is he the owner?) thanking me for being a repeat customer! Which I thought was really sweet and a nice touch of customer service. What can I say, I am Canadian and love that kind of thing lol.
Hope you enjoyed my reviews! :)
submitted by rubypoot9 to Indiemakeupandmore [link] [comments]

An excessive number of For Strange Women reviews for all my woodsy/nature scent peeps!

I wanted to review a house that doesn’t seem to get a lot of attention here, but has produced two of my all-time favorite scents and some others I really like.
The packaging, labels, and the little cards you get with each fragrance are beautiful. The full sizes came in jewelry boxes filled with furry moss. The turnaround time on both of my orders was short, as stated (they ship twice a week and both of them shipped on their next available shipping day). When I asked a question via email, I got a prompt and cheerful answer.
Their scent descriptions are some of the more accurate to my nose. It’s not uncommon for me to order something and experience almost the literal opposite of what was described on the site. This isn’t the house’s fault, and I certainly have my own takes on FSW (Fireside Story, anyone?), but the overall accuracy for me is higher than average.
These are all natural, botanical fragrances. While I don’t have anything against a good scent that contains artificial fragrance, I really tend towards botanical/natural perfumes, and these do the genre well without seeming like someone threw a bunch of essential oils from Whole Foods together and called it a day. They are actual fragrances and are unique. There are no artificial, perfumey notes, which I’m really sensitive to.
The mood of this house is definitely “sophisticated green witch.” If artificial samey bases are anathema to you and you like non-sweet nature scents, I highly recommend these.
These seem to benefit from a good amount of resting. While they don’t change dramatically into different scents, the notes become much more cohesive and make more sense after a few weeks, especially the ones with a lot going on like November or Fireside Story.
Fireside Story was one of the strangest fucking things I’d smelled in my life. My notes from the unrested sample: WTF? I don't smell sandalwood, vanilla, a bonfire, smoke, or wood. I smell a sharp, bewildering, fermenting, cocoa-booze-coastal thing. This is the ghost story being told by the fire and tripping out everyone's brains, not the experience of sitting around the fire telling it.
A few weeks later, I still get cocoa and booze, but it’s easy to figure out, “Ahh, this smells like sniffing chocolate malt at a brewery!”
The downsides: they don’t last long, overall. If you want something to last all day, this isn’t your house. The samples are small and expensive, and the full sizes are expensive too.
They also aren’t as generous as a lot of houses that will include a free sample with your order; even spending over $100 at once with them they send you exactly what you order. I don’t have a problem with that at all, but it means there is nothing to ease that this is an expensive house and you will pay for every drop you get.
The solid perfume samples are pathetic; I do not recommend buying them. They are a beautifully packaged little smudge (one application) in a fold of wax paper like a drug or something. Get the oil samples, even though unlike other houses they’re stingy and don’t fill them. They are up front on their site about these not being full, but the lack of generosity kind of rubs me the wrong way.
Despite those very minor gripes, this is one of my favorite houses. They made my picky self get the largest full size of two quite expensive scents, and I wouldn’t have done that if they weren’t “I can’t live without this” level of good. The aesthetics are to die for too.
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✧ Astral Projection Verveine, Bergamot, Chamomile, Rose, Lavender, Valerian, Clary Sage, Cedar, and Star Anise.
Bottle sniff: I don't even know.
Wet: Lemon verbena, anise, bergamot.... it's a confusion of herbal spicy sweet tart. But anise sweet, not sugar sweet. It's also not like a collection of essential oils, or a standard multi-note perfume. It's strange and complex and very nature-y, maybe like being in a greenhouse where all the really fragrant plants are kept and then dial up all the smells to 100. The verveine/lemon verbena note is dominant, but there's a lot of other stuff going on too.
Dry down: Once the overpowering top notes go away, I can smell sort of a calm sweetness from the anise, and maybe the chamomile? This makes me realize chamomile needs to be in perfume more. The main impression is lemon verbena anise.
Mood: Garden centers and confusion.
Verdict: I'm not really a lemon verbena person; I don't hate it, but I don't care for it being the key part of a scent.
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✧ Black Forest fir needle, bergamot, cardamom, moss, woods.
Bottle sniff: Ohhh, realistic fir needle, me likey!
Wet: This ACTUALLY smells like crushed fir needles!!
Dry down: Fir needles and bergamot. Oh, this smells like heaven. I feel like there's a tiny bit of clove too, which is probably the cardamom. What I'm describing sounds very Christmasy, and it sort of is, but it's cutting your own tree and drinking spicy black Earl Gray tea on a camping trip, not anything "Christmasy." It's natural and realistic and amazing. The bergamot is of the orangy fresh variety rather than the dark dried spicy variety. After the initial dry down, this is like crushed fir needles with an undertone of fresh-squeezed orange juice. It's freaking heavenly. It gives me frission just sniffing it. Unfortunately being mostly top notes this doesn't last long, but it's totally worth it to me anyway.
Mood: happy evergreen-lover noises
Verdict: I bought this in the largest size available, that's how much I love it.
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✧ Decadence and Debauchery Immortelle, Amber, Violet, Tobacco, Vanilla. Blood Orange, Bergamot, and Myrrh.
Bottle sniff: Complex, deep, and spicy. I get myrrh and orange peel.
Wet: Spiced orange peels maybe? Myrrh, too. I feel like a desert prince of lore would be wearing this scent. It's both deep and fresh. The decadence is of an ancient variety, and the debauchery is dangerous.
Dry down: It's shifting a little from "desert prince" to "high end Old West saloon" as it dries down, coming more in line with my hopes for it. I think maybe the tobacco is coming out to play and making it a little smoother? In the long term, I keep thinking of Earl Gray tea and holiday potpourri.
Mood: Someone is definitely getting shot, but it's going to be a classy, sepia-toned shooting from a movie with dramatic vintage music. And then we're all going to drink cider and eat Christmas cookies.
Verdict: This smells really good, but I don't need a potpourri scent. I'll wear it a few times and see if my opinion changes, though..
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✧ Fireside Story sandalwood, vanilla, bonfire, dry branches, woodsmoke
Bottle sniff: Sour booze.
Wet: Cocoa butter and the heat from a fire and maybe some driftwood.
Dry down: This isn't anything like what I imagined. I was thinking the sandalwood and vanilla of Solstice Scents Manor and the realistic woodsmoke of Alkemia Ydalir. This is much more faint and atmospheric and more "inspired by." Like if I stretch it and use artistic license, I can make out bonfire and woodsmoke, but really what I smell is more like the tang of fermentation and roasted cocoa. If I sniff at the right distance and angle, I catch a wiff of woodsmoke on the air.
But what this reminds me of most? Chocolate malt (the grains not the powdered drink mix) we were given to sniff and nibble on during a brewery tour of The Family Business Beer Co. That same sort of sharp, mellow, chocolate but not really chocolate smell. It's evoking that one particular scent like nobody's business. If they renamed this "Brewery Tour Chocolate Malt" it would be one of the most accurate atmospherics ever. I've seen this reviewed by people who call it a realistic campfire scent, and that to me is proof of just how different noses really are.
Mood: Texas brewery tour, all the way.
Verdict: This isn't anything I need to smell like. But it's a really cool scent memory and I'll keep it around just for that.
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✧ Fossil Roasted seashells, fossilized amber, tonka, and vanilla
Bottle sniff: Amber vodka.
Wet: Cinnamon Red Hots. Cinnamon Red Hots, but make 'em classy. After a bit, add amber.
Dry down: Give it ten minutes, and it really does start to sorta smell like a hot, rocky, sandy outdoors environment, albeit with somene eating Red Hots a ways away. This shares a mood with November ITDF, in that it has similar spicy nature notes, but that one is rainy and this one is hot and dry. It also shares some similarity with Solstice Scents Badlands, but without the leather note of Badlands.
I get no vanilla, and very little amber. I can sort of tell the amber is there, but the vanilla might as well not exist.
Mood: It's too hot out to move. Candy?
Verdict: I would probably buy a full size of this if FSW wasn't so expensive. It's still open for debate, but I'm likely to stick with my bottle of Badlands and call it good. Similar vibe for a lot less money. This is its own scent and I'd like to have it, but $$$.
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✧ French Oakmoss lichen, lavender, grounding herbs, green, moss, violet leaf
Bottle sniff: Lavender and wet tree bark.
Wet: Lavender and lichen. The moss is dirty and wet in the best way. The scent is a bit minty and herbal and grubby in that nature way, like sniffing the inside of bark just peeled off a tree. A very natural scent.
Dry down: I'm not sure I've smelled anything so perfectly true to its noted description. I smell lichen, lavender, grounding herbs, green, and moss. I also smell brown, like wet peeled off tree bark. It's listed as their "darkest and dirtiest" scent, and it's dark and dirty but not in a foreboding or grungy way. It hangs close to the skin. It's not appealing in a traditional sense, but it's not in any way unappealing either. The lavender and herbs fade fairly fast, leaving behind a slightly salty, minty lichen that is very appealing and coastal. It reminds me of the bracing, often harsh salty green atmosphere of the Oregon coast. I can't stop sniffing it.
Mood: I am a strange woman, deal with it. Want to go camping at the coast? This is a really good anti-anxiety spell in a bottle. They aren't kidding when they call it powerfully grounding. It makes me feel instantly more confident and grounded.
Verdict: This was my tester (through Sunday swaps) to see if I might like to try this house, and I'm really impressed with the realism, natural feel, and how true it is to the notes listed. When I first tried this scent, I thought I liked it but didn't love it enough to full size. Turns out by the 4th application, that I love it, and it's a powerful calming scent that I must have. I bought the 10ml (largest) bottle and adore it.
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✧ November IDTF woods, forest floor, rain, tea, decomposing leaves
Bottle sniff: crushed bitter foliage.
Wet: crushed bitter foliage, faint anise. This has a strong burst of natural, strong-smelling top notes that are hard to describe. There is no sweetness, floral, evergreen, or sandalwood. Not a typical "forest" scent, and not the scent of the Pacific Northwest forests I am familiar with, but I can totally see it being fall in a deciduous forest. Bitter and spicy might be the way to describe it?
Dry down: Sort of pleasantly earthy. A pleasant, much more mellow bitter scent, and at this point I can now see what they're talking about with the rain note. It's not a strong petrichor or other note like Solstice Scents During the Rain; it's a totally different genre and more realistic. This is simply, "It's damp and wet out" not "let me clobber you with some aromachemical that will confuse your brain so much you think it's raining." It's subtle; you could miss it, but it's there and it's lovely.
This is bitter, foliage, black tea, wetness, and the vaguely reassuring groundingness of things foresty and nature. This scent starts off bracing and invigorating, then becomes calm and grounding.
Mood: Hiding in a tree fort in the woods, reading an adventure novel.
Verdict: This isn't a "ohhh, this smells so good!" scent. It's a really realistic nature scent in that it gives you the calm feeling of being outdoors. I don't literally believe in spells and witchcraft, but I do consider myself the witchesvspatriarchy variety of witch and this is a calming "here's the feeling of spending time outdoors" spell. Or by another word, aromatherapy. I am considering a 5ml bottle of this.
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✧ Rain (Discontinued) Sweet ozone, damp ground, mushrooms, clean air, eucalyptus, Douglas fir, petrichor
Bottle sniff: Orange?
Wet :Fresh, wet citrusy orange, like fresh orange zest and rain.
Dry down: Wet citrus, with some fresh Douglas fir coming out too. The atmosphere coming off this really is one of wet, fresh ozone! Definitely the best wet/rain scent I've tried in terms of capturing the atmosphere of rain. Most of the aromachemical versions are sort of close but profoundly strange. This doesn't have any of those, "is it a thunderstorm or a musty freezer?" vibes; it's just fresh and cool and inhale-able like air in actual rain. The eucalyptus must be a very fresh, fruity one giving me the orange zest note. As that top note fades, I can kind of detect the petrichor too - also the best version of it I've experienced.
I'm not getting mushrooms or a damp ground vibe; this is a very fresh, bright, airy scent to me. The top notes fade fast like most FSW scents, leaving a light "my skin but petrichor" slightly musky but in all the best ways" scent.
Mood: Dancing in the rain.
Verdict: This is discontinued, curse it! I will look for this in the swaps.
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✧ Siren saltwater, jasmine, driftwood, seaweed, sand
Bottle sniff: The air gushing out from inside a bike tire.
Wet: Bike tire air, salt water, and lemon. Also a cleanroom where everyone's wearing bunny suits and latex gloves.
Dry down: I can smell the salty, coastal notes, but there's still that odd bike tire air tang. The lemon is gone. This is a natural/botanical house so I don't know where that rubbery note is coming from, but it's there. It's not unpleasant, it's just so not what I would think of from "Siren" and it's not in the listed notes. It gets kind of dusty after a bit. I think the final state might fairly be described as "sniffing dry driftwood"?
Mood: Huffing bike tires and driftwood, as one does.
Verdict: Only after it dries fully do I start getting coastal vibes. Even so, French Oakmoss is much more coastal to me. I'm not sure what to make of this yet.
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✧ Vixen musk, black peppercorn, woods, amber, sunlight, labdanum, coffee, amberette
Bottle sniff: Woodsy, a little spicy.
Wet: Angry wet wolf in an evergreen forest. I can make out musk, woods, and like... liqorice?
Dry down: Crushed evergreens and liqorice. Something airy and fresh, and something spicy. This can't decide if it's dark or light or sunny or stormy. It becomes sort of musky, peppery anise after a while. Emphasis on the anise.
Mood: Woof? Grrrrr. What even am I?
Verdict: This is one my nose just doesn't really see the point of. It's not unpleasant, it's even interesting. But I could be smelling other, better things.
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ABOUT MY TASTE IN SCENTS, FOR CONTEXT
I am wildly picky and loathe perfume. I'm a woman but don't care about smelling masculine vs. feminine. My favorite house so far with the highest "hit rate" is Solstice Scents. For Strange Women has recently jumped into my collection and impressed me highly. Fantome and The Strange South are catching my attention. I gravitate to highly realistic, natural scents.
Yes to:
Iffy on:
Do Not Want:
My top scents so far are: Sweet Anthem Elliot, Solstice Scents Sawmill, Wolf Spirit, Night Watcher, Amber Couer, Manor, Badlands, and Mountain Vanilla, Alkemia Ydalir, and For Strange Women French Oakmoss and Black Forest.
I have to not only think something smells nice, I have to want to walk around smelling like it. I love how fresh bread smells. I don't want to personally smell like a loaf of bread. And that, as you might imagine, is a very individual thing. I want to smell like a Douglas fir tree, but not a loaf of bread. So it's entirely possible for me to think a scent is really nice, but not want to actually smell like that myself. This means fragrances have a really high, arbitrary bar to clear for me, and there are many that smell quite good that I will pass on. Don't take a "I don't want to smell like this" too seriously from me.
I have a sort of bottom line test as well: regardless of what it smells like, once it dries down, do I want to press my nose up to my skin and inhale deeply, or does it sort of chase my nose away? A lot of scents chase my nose away.
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what does cocoa butter do in soap video

The moisturizing properties of cocoa butter soap also make it a home remedy for wounds, burns, and scars, as these heal better when properly moisturized. Aside from moisturizing the area, it also acts as a barrier to protect the skin from further irritation. This means that when you make soap, the cocoa butter does not get amalgamated with the lye and water and therefore you can feel moisturizing abilities in the finished bar of soap. If you are considering making soap with only cocoa butter, you could, but the soap would be hardened within 8 hours and left any longer in the mold it would be difficult to cut, you also would have a very, very ... This soap recipe uses both cocoa butter and shea butter, which constitute roughly a quarter of all the ingredients by weight. It will leave your skin feeling nourished and silky smooth. And it's fairly quick and easy to make, though the soap bars do take at least a few weeks to cure. Cocoa butter is high in fatty acids, which is why it’s often touted for its ability to hydrate and nourish the skin and improve elasticity. The fat in cocoa butter forms a protective barrier ... In cold process soap, cocoa butter adds firmness and moisture to the bar. We recommend using cocoa butter at 15% or less; any higher may lead to cracking in the final product. Both palm-free recipes, the Queen of Hearts and Layered Lilac Loofah Cold Process soaps contain cocoa butter to give the bars hardness. Cocoa butter is also an anti-inflammatory—just another way it helps your skin withstand the passage of time. It reduces stretch marks and scars: Many women claim that the regular use of cocoa butter kept stretch marks at bay both during and after pregnancy. This oil is known to cause irritation in some individuals. The chart below shows the approximate percentages of fatty acids present in Cocoa Butter. This oil is great to add to soap since not only does it lend hardness to your bar but it also provides a stable, conditioning lather. Lauric. Myristic. I did test this in my store, by separating a soap I just made, putting half in a mold, then adding a superfat (cocoa butter) to the other half. In the finished bars, I could feel a slightly more moisturizing ability. So yes, it does work. you can see that the soap is at trace (on the right) and a superfat is being added Cocoa Butter Pastilles, Organic Cocoa Butter Wafers, and Deodorized Cocoa Butter Wafers. Cocoa butter is a vegetable fat with a firm texture. It can be used to harden soap, lip balm, body butters, and more. The melting point is 86-90° F, and the shelf life is 2 years. At room temperature, cocoa butter is extremely hard and brittle - similar to ...

what does cocoa butter do in soap top

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